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Hi everyone, I too ,am in need of advice, reassurance that this is just a dark path that  will lead to something better for all parties involved.  I
We have been married since April 2, 2000 living in  California and we split when our lease was up for renewal in Sept. 07.
There are 3 kids -11yrs (hers), 7 and 4 (ours).
She served papers Nov. 07 and I responded.
Currently , I pay $600 to her ,plus I pay for our youngest son's childcare, averaging $250, I pay for computer club at this daycare $45, and $24 for Health insurance.

My other monthly payments are debt consolidation, car paymant, credit cards (my name), school loan, car insurance. When all is spent I have maybe $20-$50 dollars left.
I have done some estimated support calculations based on my salary and what  I guess she is earning and it puts me in the $800-1100. When we first split I had the kids every weekend. Her income allowed her to find low income housing near our old neighborhood. We discussed the needs of the kids and decided that they should be in one place for the school week. Also, with the X just finishing her teaching credential, it was a good call because her work hours would match the kids. Also my job is a 60min morning commute and up to 90min evening commute. Any evening visits would be maybe 2hours. Now she is wanting me to do less time, so that she can do a Sunday with them. I empathize, but I think I have given up a lot without acknowledgment or consideration by her.  I ended up moving close to work and to a cheaper neighborhood. The support I have been able to budget comes from cheaper rent and  less gas. If I had tried to move closer to the kids, the available rents would have gone up , and there would be no room for support.
My greatest fears are of losing the little time I currently have with my kids and getting a CS order that I cannot afford.

I WOULD LOVE SOME ADVICE




This is my rant, (optional reading)
I am not sure if this relevant, but I want to put it out there for opinions sake. For the duration of our relationship, I paid for all of the debts in my name and all the house hold bills. X paid her own credit card bills and some groceries. She had  small income because our child care is subsidized and we were at the maximum income tier  so we conscioulsy stayed within the limits.
Jan. of 06 , I became unemployed. We had no savings and my x showed no intention of stepping up and helping out , so I made a desparate move. At this point I had good credit. So I took out a 20k   vocational loan. I figured a career change would solve my problems and being able to bank 6k  would keep us a float for 2months.
By then I would have a job. Only job I found was selling cars, I was not good at it and it paid 1300 less than our household minimum budget. I rolled the difference into credit cards and parental loans because  the ex was unwilling to contribute to the basic household bills. With me making less , she was in a position to earn more and still stay within our child care budget. I got fired from car sales after 3 months and jumped into mortgages. Used the base salary for 3 months to learn and then you go straight commission, Nearing my last paycheck and looking forward, I realized that their was no guarantee of a paycheck next month. I could not live commission  only. I went home and told my X I had quit and to ask her to work full time hours this pay period to pay the rent. My parents were tapped out.  Initially she said no, I had to threaten to move to my parents with the kids  to get her work. She has never forgiven me.
Sept. 06 I get my job. This new job requires a 60-90min commute each way. I can no longer take the kids to school or pick them up. The money is a little better, but with the amount of debt now carried, I still only have$20-$50 left at the end of the month. Dec 06the x started her unpaid student teaching teaching , so the little money she contributed to groceries, was now gone. In may, her student teaching was done, and the X is talking divorce like crazy. We can't stand each other.For the final 3 months we are together, she works full time causing child care fees to reach $300-400, offers  no help towards  rent or any bills, or the now tripled child care bill and has saved her  move out funds. I try to balance things by asking her to pay the cell and utilities for the last 3 months.  
Anyways, She gets her money for the move in a cashiers check. She too has debt management for her loans and she needs to pay it. . She asks if I can help, I ask her to wait till  I check my savings to see if the the rent is covered. I check, I am $240 short, She took the money anyways, rent check bounces.
The deposit saga and old bills.  The X takes $240 dollars and makes the rent bounce. I ask her to pay me back by paying the utilities and cell phone bill.  The deposit for our house came in the form of a loan from my parents. The X claims that the deposit should be considered community property. I explain the deposit doesn't belong to us.
She doesn't get it.
I get hit with 3 months over due utilities, over due cell phones, and YMCA camp fees.
there goes the rent deposit.

As much as I disapprove of my X's actions and behaviors, I allowed/ tolerated them to happen by not being tough enough to say no.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post.
I am hoping we can go the mediated route. But I didn't realize how important a temp order could be.
I do  need to let go of the past, maybe that is what depresses me.
I am planning to spend more time with my kids, I 'm not sure I can pull off an overnight, but I want to do some week day visits, even if only for an hour or two.

With my debt and salary, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, Maybe a legal aid group would help, I make $45k a year, it is not that much , but it is also more than what is considered low income. , But I need to try.
Thanks, again.

I am posting in fathers issues, because this is my story, I know it is long but I would truly appreciate feedback from anyone.

In short, We were a 2 income family by necessity, but only one income paid the bills. I worked full time , and my wife worked part time and went to school. We have three kids and the only way we were able to afford child care was through a state subsidized program with income caps. We were near the maximum cap, so we monitored our income to stay within the guidelines. Some may disagree, but it was a financial necessary for us. Either way We both had income coming in, me about $2000- salary and hers between $600- $800. Our cap was $3300. She worked 3 days and went to school 2 days. Our kids daycare was until 5pm. She had an earning potential of $1300, 3- five hour shifts, which were easy to come by,a very accommodating boss, and she did not work on school days.She was always broke, and only having $800- $1000 dollar paychecks. It would make sense if she was taking the kids to school every day and having to get off early but most mornings, I got the kids out, and leaving her work even at 4:30p, she could pick up the kids with time to spare. I also, picked up the kids 2 times a week. Aside from this discrepancy, she never had money to contribute to house- hold bills, she repaid her credit cards, went out with her friends, shopped, and sometimes bought groceries. I paid rent, utilities, the remaining child care fees, cell phones, family dinners out,birthday parties, and the credit cards in my name. Of my salary, my disposable income was close to 0. We survived but didn't flourish. This is how our situation remained throughout the demise of our marriage. Note worthy events being me being out of work for several months and taking low income jobs just to get money. Somehow, paying the rent and keeping up with all the bills was my responsibility. I asked her for help, but nothing except some groceries because she wouldn't like my choice of purchases. I had to beg and borrow money to keep a roof and heat in the house. Where was she? not so much for me, but for our kids? I wish I was lying. One month when I had exhausted all my resources and we were 3 weeks from rent, I knew even if I got a new job, a paycheck wouldn't come in time.Once again I explained the situation, I had no money left and no hope of getting any more , so I asked her to pay the rent that month. It was summer so she was not in school, it was just a matter of working full time for a couple of weeks. She said no. Our marriage was already trashed, and I knew there would be massive repercussions to my words, but I told her if she didn't work and pay that months rent, I was going to move out to my parents with the kids because at that point we would be in default of our lease.
It was a bluff that got the rent paid, but definitely ended the marriage. At that point, she started working full time, banking everything, not buying food, staying out, spending the night wherever. Getting her self ready for her move out.

The present, our lease ended and we could not afford our new rent. She moved into low income housing in our neighborhood, We decided that the kids would stay with her m-f, because I got a new job 30 miles away from 8-5p and it would be virtually impossible for me to take or pick up the kids from school like I used too. Also , she finished her teaching credential and found a part time teaching job that mimics the kids hours as well as her old job with the flexible hours.

Of course, the first thing she demanded of me is support. I admit I am a little bitter with respect to the irony of the situation. She makes righteous demands of how it is my responsibility to provide for my children. I'm sorry, but where was she all those years we were married and especially when I was out of work.
But I will give my kids what I have. We both incurred debt. Her mostly student loans, me, credit cards, trying to keep us alive all these years, about $25k.
Our unofficial temp arrangement is that she has the kids m-f and me with weekends with alternating short Sundays. We agreed that I would pay $600 plus insurance $25 plus childcare about $150-$250, and $35 for one child's lessons. So it has ranged $800-900.
With all this in place , the ex is now wanting to take a class on Wednesday nights, She markets the plan as an opportunity to spend time with my kids on a week day, ie.. it's not my fault you moved and work so far away , you should make time. Indeed, when I can work out a schedule when I can get up to see the kids on a week day, I will be all over it. Currently if I leave work around 5p, traffic is anywhere from 60-90 minutes to get to where the kids are so by 6:30p so I can spend 90min to 2 hours with them before they are get ready for bed.
But right now she is upset, that I am not leaving work early to drive up and be with my kids so that she can take a night class.

I am a jumble of confused emotions. By nature, I am nice, but not in a good way. I am way too accommodating. But now I feel I've done enough and she has to walk this path she has created.
All feed back appreciated