SOON TO BE NCF DESPARATE FOR SOME ADVICE/ REASSURANCE.

[slliw]

Hi everyone, I too ,am in need of advice, reassurance that this is just a dark path that  will lead to something better for all parties involved.  I
We have been married since April 2, 2000 living in  California and we split when our lease was up for renewal in Sept. 07.
There are 3 kids -11yrs (hers), 7 and 4 (ours).
She served papers Nov. 07 and I responded.
Currently , I pay $600 to her ,plus I pay for our youngest son's childcare, averaging $250, I pay for computer club at this daycare $45, and $24 for Health insurance.

My other monthly payments are debt consolidation, car paymant, credit cards (my name), school loan, car insurance. When all is spent I have maybe $20-$50 dollars left.
I have done some estimated support calculations based on my salary and what  I guess she is earning and it puts me in the $800-1100. When we first split I had the kids every weekend. Her income allowed her to find low income housing near our old neighborhood. We discussed the needs of the kids and decided that they should be in one place for the school week. Also, with the X just finishing her teaching credential, it was a good call because her work hours would match the kids. Also my job is a 60min morning commute and up to 90min evening commute. Any evening visits would be maybe 2hours. Now she is wanting me to do less time, so that she can do a Sunday with them. I empathize, but I think I have given up a lot without acknowledgment or consideration by her.  I ended up moving close to work and to a cheaper neighborhood. The support I have been able to budget comes from cheaper rent and  less gas. If I had tried to move closer to the kids, the available rents would have gone up , and there would be no room for support.
My greatest fears are of losing the little time I currently have with my kids and getting a CS order that I cannot afford.

I WOULD LOVE SOME ADVICE




This is my rant, (optional reading)
I am not sure if this relevant, but I want to put it out there for opinions sake. For the duration of our relationship, I paid for all of the debts in my name and all the house hold bills. X paid her own credit card bills and some groceries. She had  small income because our child care is subsidized and we were at the maximum income tier  so we conscioulsy stayed within the limits.
Jan. of 06 , I became unemployed. We had no savings and my x showed no intention of stepping up and helping out , so I made a desparate move. At this point I had good credit. So I took out a 20k   vocational loan. I figured a career change would solve my problems and being able to bank 6k  would keep us a float for 2months.
By then I would have a job. Only job I found was selling cars, I was not good at it and it paid 1300 less than our household minimum budget. I rolled the difference into credit cards and parental loans because  the ex was unwilling to contribute to the basic household bills. With me making less , she was in a position to earn more and still stay within our child care budget. I got fired from car sales after 3 months and jumped into mortgages. Used the base salary for 3 months to learn and then you go straight commission, Nearing my last paycheck and looking forward, I realized that their was no guarantee of a paycheck next month. I could not live commission  only. I went home and told my X I had quit and to ask her to work full time hours this pay period to pay the rent. My parents were tapped out.  Initially she said no, I had to threaten to move to my parents with the kids  to get her work. She has never forgiven me.
Sept. 06 I get my job. This new job requires a 60-90min commute each way. I can no longer take the kids to school or pick them up. The money is a little better, but with the amount of debt now carried, I still only have$20-$50 left at the end of the month. Dec 06the x started her unpaid student teaching teaching , so the little money she contributed to groceries, was now gone. In may, her student teaching was done, and the X is talking divorce like crazy. We can't stand each other.For the final 3 months we are together, she works full time causing child care fees to reach $300-400, offers  no help towards  rent or any bills, or the now tripled child care bill and has saved her  move out funds. I try to balance things by asking her to pay the cell and utilities for the last 3 months.  
Anyways, She gets her money for the move in a cashiers check. She too has debt management for her loans and she needs to pay it. . She asks if I can help, I ask her to wait till  I check my savings to see if the the rent is covered. I check, I am $240 short, She took the money anyways, rent check bounces.
The deposit saga and old bills.  The X takes $240 dollars and makes the rent bounce. I ask her to pay me back by paying the utilities and cell phone bill.  The deposit for our house came in the form of a loan from my parents. The X claims that the deposit should be considered community property. I explain the deposit doesn't belong to us.
She doesn't get it.
I get hit with 3 months over due utilities, over due cell phones, and YMCA camp fees.
there goes the rent deposit.

As much as I disapprove of my X's actions and behaviors, I allowed/ tolerated them to happen by not being tough enough to say no.