Hi. I'm brand new at this forum. I have some extra time before I go clear the ice off my truck and go work in the cold all day. I found your post interesting. Not that I'm much help, I'll comment on your points, though.
1) I don't think he's required to provide any such proof without the court ordering it. I am pretty liberal about my children's internet usage. My ex does not agree with the freedom I allow the children. I could go for an hour about that, but I'll suffice with this: my focus is on educating them. Much in the same way I try to make my kids aware of dangers of predators if they go to the park, we are shopping, they are waiting for the school bus, etc. It's impossible to monitor a child 24/7. It is possible to educate them so that, armed with as much information as you can give them, the child can hopefully make the best decision. Children need freedom, responsibility, and trust. Our children are ultimately responsible for making their own choices, and dealing with the results of those choices. By allowing that, and making them aware of real life consequences, well.... Part of the point here is this whole issue is highly debatable, and not nessesarily something the judge may see as harmful. You can demonstrate the "possible" harm of crossing the street much easier. Do you let your child cross the street?
2) Do you have this in writing, that the doctor recommended she NOT take the Claritin. My suggestion: If she has sinus/allergy issues, be prepared to document her issues, doctor's recommendations, the medical care she has received regarding these issues, and your childs response to the treatment. What if your ex can document your daughter thinks the Claritin helps, and she feels better on it?
3) He excluded you, or did not include you. Have you contacted the school and had this corrected? Have you requested a schedule of events, in writing, from the school and/or your ex? You have a records that can demonstrate he did not include you, and of any attempt made my you to correct it? It's probably helpful to be able to be able to show, that if you found something wrong, or objectionable, your proactive approach to correcting the matter.
4) Be prepared to elaborate on the allegations. How do you intend to demonstrate this was done with the intention to create resentment towards you? I don't think there is a legal requirement your child communicate with grandparents. However, I think it would reflect poorly on your ex if you can demonstrate an ongoing pattern of derogatory remarks to, or in front of, your child regarding family members.
5) Are you certain your ex is the source of this idea? Will your ex, or his attorney, state this to the courts? Will your daughter? Can an independent source, such as a psychological evaluation, show your daughter thinks she is unsafe in your home, and the source of that idea is her father?
6) Re: Your example: Your daughter was home alone? Is she allowed to leave at her own discretion, say, to go to a friends while you were gone? Was she in the care of someone? If so, did that person have the authority to approve of your daughter leaving? If she was in the care of someone else, what instructions were the caretaker given? It's apparent your child was there when you left for work. Was your daughter there when you returned home? If so, how do intend you intend to document a 'loss of time.' Spending time with her father, if it was what your daughter wanted to do while you weren't there, may somehow constitute interference. It may also constitute the fathers interest in actively participating in his daughter's life. If the child was not left in the care of someone while you were at work, the consideration of a phone call is nice. Why would you not 'consent' to such time?
7) Your child is thirteen. What does she want?
Strictly personal here, but my birthday just passed. It was shortly after a heated disagreement with my ex. I did not see my children that day, hear from them, and the next time I saw them they were completely unaware my birthday had passed. I even had to tell my son to go look at my I.D. to convince him. He didn't believe me. My children felt terrible. Although it hurt my feelings, letting my children know it was okay was the priority, and I was just happy to see them right there and then, and that was gift enough. With all due respect, your daughter's birthday, especially at age thirteen, is HER day, not 'yours.' I would suggest talking to your daughter about coordinating plans for that day, then contact your ex, and finish that arrangement.
I'm doubting my reply will go on your list of today's greatest moments. Again, with all due respect, your emphasis seems to be on control, and frustration with your ex. How would your daughter reply to each of those points? At age thirteen, unless you can demonstrate clear physical and/or emotional harm, NOT possibilites, the emphasis may need to be on what your daughter wants, then why she should, or should not, be allowed her wants. I'm not saying any of your points aren't valid concerns. Maybe approach each of these points from the direction of, how is the best interest of your daughter served, how is she harmed, and the detrimental impact it's having on your relationship. I'll reiterate, your relationship, NOT your feelings. My opinion, of course. Good luck and best wishes.
1) I don't think he's required to provide any such proof without the court ordering it. I am pretty liberal about my children's internet usage. My ex does not agree with the freedom I allow the children. I could go for an hour about that, but I'll suffice with this: my focus is on educating them. Much in the same way I try to make my kids aware of dangers of predators if they go to the park, we are shopping, they are waiting for the school bus, etc. It's impossible to monitor a child 24/7. It is possible to educate them so that, armed with as much information as you can give them, the child can hopefully make the best decision. Children need freedom, responsibility, and trust. Our children are ultimately responsible for making their own choices, and dealing with the results of those choices. By allowing that, and making them aware of real life consequences, well.... Part of the point here is this whole issue is highly debatable, and not nessesarily something the judge may see as harmful. You can demonstrate the "possible" harm of crossing the street much easier. Do you let your child cross the street?
2) Do you have this in writing, that the doctor recommended she NOT take the Claritin. My suggestion: If she has sinus/allergy issues, be prepared to document her issues, doctor's recommendations, the medical care she has received regarding these issues, and your childs response to the treatment. What if your ex can document your daughter thinks the Claritin helps, and she feels better on it?
3) He excluded you, or did not include you. Have you contacted the school and had this corrected? Have you requested a schedule of events, in writing, from the school and/or your ex? You have a records that can demonstrate he did not include you, and of any attempt made my you to correct it? It's probably helpful to be able to be able to show, that if you found something wrong, or objectionable, your proactive approach to correcting the matter.
4) Be prepared to elaborate on the allegations. How do you intend to demonstrate this was done with the intention to create resentment towards you? I don't think there is a legal requirement your child communicate with grandparents. However, I think it would reflect poorly on your ex if you can demonstrate an ongoing pattern of derogatory remarks to, or in front of, your child regarding family members.
5) Are you certain your ex is the source of this idea? Will your ex, or his attorney, state this to the courts? Will your daughter? Can an independent source, such as a psychological evaluation, show your daughter thinks she is unsafe in your home, and the source of that idea is her father?
6) Re: Your example: Your daughter was home alone? Is she allowed to leave at her own discretion, say, to go to a friends while you were gone? Was she in the care of someone? If so, did that person have the authority to approve of your daughter leaving? If she was in the care of someone else, what instructions were the caretaker given? It's apparent your child was there when you left for work. Was your daughter there when you returned home? If so, how do intend you intend to document a 'loss of time.' Spending time with her father, if it was what your daughter wanted to do while you weren't there, may somehow constitute interference. It may also constitute the fathers interest in actively participating in his daughter's life. If the child was not left in the care of someone while you were at work, the consideration of a phone call is nice. Why would you not 'consent' to such time?
7) Your child is thirteen. What does she want?
Strictly personal here, but my birthday just passed. It was shortly after a heated disagreement with my ex. I did not see my children that day, hear from them, and the next time I saw them they were completely unaware my birthday had passed. I even had to tell my son to go look at my I.D. to convince him. He didn't believe me. My children felt terrible. Although it hurt my feelings, letting my children know it was okay was the priority, and I was just happy to see them right there and then, and that was gift enough. With all due respect, your daughter's birthday, especially at age thirteen, is HER day, not 'yours.' I would suggest talking to your daughter about coordinating plans for that day, then contact your ex, and finish that arrangement.
I'm doubting my reply will go on your list of today's greatest moments. Again, with all due respect, your emphasis seems to be on control, and frustration with your ex. How would your daughter reply to each of those points? At age thirteen, unless you can demonstrate clear physical and/or emotional harm, NOT possibilites, the emphasis may need to be on what your daughter wants, then why she should, or should not, be allowed her wants. I'm not saying any of your points aren't valid concerns. Maybe approach each of these points from the direction of, how is the best interest of your daughter served, how is she harmed, and the detrimental impact it's having on your relationship. I'll reiterate, your relationship, NOT your feelings. My opinion, of course. Good luck and best wishes.