Messages

I KNOW WE HAVE HAD SAME WORRIES ABOUT THAT, WITH ALL THE DIFFERENT PEOPLE SHE LEAVES SD WITH. PLUS HER LAST MARRIAGE BEFORE THIS ONE WAS DIMENTED AS WELL WE HAVE HER WEDDING PICS WITH SD THERE THEIR MAIN WEDDING PHOTO WAS HER NEW GROOM HOLDING A HUGE BUTCHER KNIFE TO HER THROAT SHE ALL DRESSED MORE FOR FUNERAL THAN A WEDDING SD WAS 4 AT TIME.

WE WOULD OFFER HER THAT BUT THEN SHE COULD TAKE SD ABCK AT ANY TIME SHE WANTED TO OR CALL LAW SAY WE KIDNAPPED SD AND TRUST SHE WOULD. BUT THANKS FOR INPUT
AS WELL AS CONCERN.

Ok that is an idea will check into the 800 number for our home number, will at least make it easier to call us when at someones house so not to charge their bill. Thank you!!!!

Gestalt, I like the phone idea, and would be willing to do this even pay the bill direct, but if we have to rely on ex to get it hooked up and set up since it will be in her home, and we are so far away, I dont see it happening she had the phone taken out in the first place to dampen communication with SD & us to begin with, she didnt unhook phone in 4 years till SD asked her mom if she could live with us.

We also tried the nice talk to her even to just give it try temparily, no changes in papers for a trial babsis, she how SD adjusted and liked it, would completely work with her...NOPE.

As far as moving back to her area, well I dont think that is an option, my husbands job is secure, has many amenities to give up couldnt find work back there that has the same to match it. He works in window plant and has worked very hard to climb the ladder to where he is at, (not to mention the window plant closing in Chicago area-and thats pretty close to ex's area).

Not to mention we have 2 other children who are and have been in this school system for 4 years now, and are very happy, we have an excellent school system, we are ranked 12 out of nation, I too work there.

i guess our option is to go with it and do our best to prove our points our attorney will advise us on how to go about it so we dont come hateful agianst mom and is more than just "feelings", we do not hate her mom just dont see it to be the best place for SD to have to live in.

Like Friday she stayed home from school was supposedly sick, but yet her mom took her to her freinds house on Friday night dropped her off didnt pick her up till Sunday night (we talked to her about 7pm was still @ friends), and then come Monday morning SD got up shut off her alarm and was starting to get ready and her stepdad told her to go back to bed it was "to cold" to go to school, SD called me told me this and then later found out it was HIS decision, not schools, she in fact did have school on Monday.

Then spent all day at home with stepbrother (brought him over to babysit) mom and stepdad gone all day he had to work, and mom had a "meeting at work".

What is everyones opinion on the mother disconnesting her home phone when it states in divorce decree that which ever parent has SD that "they" (being the operative word) must provide communication to the other parent?

When SD asked (mom) to live here at end of summer this year when we took her home by the time we returned home and called her the next day her home phone was disconnected we had to provide SD with a cell phone in order to talk to her.

Mom said she wasnt going to pay for a phone SHE didnt use. Then told us she would have to talk to her husband about putting SD on thier cell phone plan being the plan was in his name, then reported to us he said no.

But then like 2 months later whne topic was brought up agian later she said her phone was bought by her boss and was a "work phone" an cannot allow SD to use it as she pleases.

One time we was talking to SD on her prepaid phone WE bought and ran out of air time, so we called her mom's cell to at least say our goodbyes and tell her we would add more minutes in a few days, well all we got was ex and she said nope you wanna talk get her miniutes on her phone and we could hear SD crying in back ground.

So my husband told her of the divorce statement, the next day says she called her attorney and he supposedly told her she does not have to have a home phone as long as she has cell (ya fine but she left out the part she dont let SD use it).

What we deal with just to communicate with my SD is beyond reason, I dont hate the mother, I feel for her that she has to make everyone so miserable I honestly do pray for her, she must have some deep rooted issues, to act the way she does, she is hurtful to most of all her daughter, she is a compulsive liar (not being cruel, but have dealt with her for almost 8 years, even when I use to go out and beyond my way to befriend her for SD sake.)

I know noone has the perfect answer and I appreciate the feedback I get, just fustrating to know we do deal with alot with her and may not be detramental to SD in most ways the courts will see it but this woman is hurting her daughters mental wellbeing by all the bull she pulls.

SD is seeing for herself what her mom is like and does and is why she wnats out. I use to tell my husband to never speak badly of her mom wont do no good, (and not a right thing to do only hurt the child) in time mom will burn her own bridge, and it has begun.

I would like to say I do appreciate everyones opinion and insight advice, I tried to copy and paste 2 of my sd e-mails to this but would not allow me to do it(?).

I do see what you mean and trust me I have rethought our approach on some of the issues we have and how to go about using them "in the best interest" of my sd. We know we have a long hard (expensive) road ahead of us, we do worry about that verses waiting 3 years till sd can say where she wants to live.

But our worries are what will go on in the next 3 years she is more likely to become what her atmosphere is verses what we try to instill in her the short times we have her. She hates living where she does has begged us to go forward with the attorney, and affraid if we dont at least try, she may give up as well, feel like she is stuck.

The girl is bright and smart and knows things for her age but dont mean she will make right choices for herself in that home enviroment she is only 10 and has daily influence.  Does that make sense? (like the incident @ 5-6 yrs old rolling her shorts up so her butt hangs out cause "mom" does and lets me cause it looks cute.

She wants and needs a stable family relationship with parents who are home provide for her on the mental and emotional level who will be home with her, who will be there for school programs, who will see to it she participates in school functions extra curicular activities, dance, sports ect.

The biggests is STABILITY she would have with us verses there.

Ther has never been CPS/or DCFS involved but will if have to next time ex leaves her at nights from say 7-8pm till 4-5 am with her 15 yr old step brother (that does not live ther) and his freinds with no home phone, will call them in next time we get a call from SD saying she home w/ him and they are scaring her with a wigi board or whatever the case may be at the time. (sd has own prepaid phone we provide her because thats the only way we can talk to her).

Ok thoughts on that idea? Thank you- Honestly, just fustrated and heartbroken for my sd.

SEE THE THING IS WE DONT CARE WHAT SHE DOES FOR A LIVING OR WITH HER LIFE BUT HER CHOICES ARE HURTING MY SD, SHE IS NOT THERE FOR HER EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY, SHE DONT SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH MY SD, AND IT IS HURTING MY SD, SHE HAS NO FAMILY LIFE IS BEING RAISED BY SITTERS OR OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS.

WE ARE NOT OUT TO "GET" EX OR CRITIZE HER AS PERSON, FOR WHAT SHE DOES OR BELIEVES OR DONT BELIEVE, THE THING IS SHE HAS 2 OTHER BOYS SHE NEVER RAISED, SHE HAS A DAUGHTER SHE IS IN A SENSE NOT RAISING WHO NEEDS A PARENTAL GUIDANCE.

WELL ALL WE CAN DO IS TRY MY SD ASKED US TO TRY TO GET CUSTODY OF HER SO THATS ALL WE CAN DO.

WAS ASKING FOR ADVICE ON WHAT WE CAN DO TO HELP OUR SITUATION.

NO WE CANT REQUEST WE WATCH HER WE LIVE 700+ MILES AWAY BUT WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD IDEA IF WE LIVED CLOSER-THANKS!

her oldesy was left with his dad, dont know why or much about that deal was before "FS" & and her got married, the youngest though, the boys (fathers) grandparents got custody of him shortly after she and "FS" was married she told him they tricked her into signing papers but later found out by our attorney just in general conversation he was who represented the grandparents who got custody.

He would know but sure he cant disclose that info with us but does know her background and knows our deals with her so that is a plus.

Also I know my sd will move and wants to and willing to tell a judge, she has several times since her first time asking her asked to move here since she has been back home with her mom.

We are more of a stable family for her, we both work days I @ the local school and "FS" at a major local company. We have our kids enrolled in school activities as to where her mom is "to busy" for my sd to join anything.

They have never been to any of her school plays...neither has my sd she practices with kids at school but has yet to act in one noone to take her, to busy.

We could care less what her mom does but to take my sd to work with her and place her in that atmosphere is just sick. Wouldnt even be so bad if she worked there straight days and interacted more with sd be there for her emotionally, physically  not just materially.

She e-mails me all the time saying she wished she was with us cause we spend time with her do things as a family. 10 yrs old and her mom has never baked cookies with her? Come on this woman is so self absorbed she dont deserve to a child. I get so irritated and yet so sad that I give her what she needs and want to do it my life is my kids and husband, thats what a family is CLOSE.

Me and my husband are retaining an attorney to take his ex back to court to have the child custody reversed.

It has been 8 years since their divorce. The daughter is 10 years old and wants to live with us she had asked her mom at the end of her stay with us this summer was told no.

Their divorce was in Illinois, we have lived here in Minnesota for 3 years, moved here for job and better lifestyle.

We have always stayed in close contact with our daughter, he flies down to see her on his days off, she comes here for summer we travel there for holidays.

In the past eight years here are some of the changes that has gone on:

-She (ex) has moved about 4 times, has been married twice since her divorce to my husband (and daughter says she and current husband are talking of divorce now and fight a lot)

-She has done all in her power to cut contact with us (she has now taken away her home phone and refuses to allow her daughter to use her cell phone saying her boss bought it for her job-she is a stripper).

-She is never home at night she leaves "L" with her friends, "L's" friends, at home w/ 15 year old brother who doesnt even live there, her mom ("L's) grandma, never a set place.

-She sleeps during the days even on weeknds and has "L" fix her own meals, has her clean house, yard, ect.

-She spends no quality time with her instead takes her "shopping" to spend time together getting their nails done together, ect.

-Has absurd vulgar tattoo's of naked ladies w/ her "clubs" logo on it w/ a dancer naked.

-Has taken "L" to work with her during and closed buisiness hours, takes her shopping for her costumes to work in, "L" is well aware of what her mother does (she has tried to mock her actions here in the summer @ 6yrs old rolled her shorts up till her hieney was hanging out told her not nice for a lil girl to do that she says "my mom lets me do it like hers")

-Has recently been catching onto to her mom's way of lying to people and notices it now more.

-We go to church and "L" loves it as where her mom is athiest and pokes fun about the bible we bought "L" for her b-day.

-Has lost custody of other two children 7-8 years ago, grandparents has one boy and the other boy lives with his dad.

-Has told "L" if she does go live with her father she cant take nothing not even her dog, to hold things over her head, and says things like "what would make you want to live with him, your just being dumb"

-This summer was the first summer "L" and her lil sister actually connected (young one is 4 now able to play with and such), well they really bonded, and the day we took "L" back to her mom the girls were falling apart in each others arms was so sad, her mom came over and stuck her head in the door and says "come on "L" why do you do this to yourself, get over it and get out, we gotta get going",  should no sympathy at all to the situation.

I know there is no physical abuse but this plus her being in contempt of court on several issues anyone who has been through a custody reversal how do you see this playing out in court?

Just to say the lawyer we have is very good Family Law only, have had his representation in past and won, also knows her back ground has dealt with her before with her one son getting him taken away, so we fell pretty confident in our attorney but does anyone know how the courts are now days in reversal of custody, and fathers getting it in ILLINOIS?

                                     Thank You-
                                Excited & Scared in Minnesota

if you are not on birth certificate then get an order for a paternal test, stall her move, then file for visitation rights, if you file now it will be there on your territory and even if she does move off she will have to commute there for court hearings and at least beable to see your child when she is there till settled  ?