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Kitty,

I thuoght she was jealous too, but she's not the jealous type. She's told me that she doesn't think I'm able to combine all the relationships into one life (like she's been able too - friends with her ex, there for her children, and able to maintain a relationship with a significant other). She's narrowed it down, by telling me that as soon as I get my life straightened out, call her. However I don't want to let her go. She loves my kids, and they love her. She knows it's a package deal, as I know she is as well. I guess what it all comes down too, she erally has her s%^t together, and I don't. I want too though, so bad! She's been such a big help getting me this far! SHe's even got me into councilling (BIG help). And the bottom line....if it wasn't for my GF (ex now), my daughters mother and I wouldn't be becoming friends. The GF wasn't the detrimental one by far - quite the opposite, it was my daughter's mother. The GF doesn't understand how for a very long time I was calling my ex every name in the book, and the over night I was singing her praises. She tried to explain to me that things like that don't just happen over night and friendships with your ex take a while to build on, and I shouldn't be too trusting of my ex (considering the stunts she's pulled) immediately. Give ehr a chance to prove herself. However - and I know I do this - I have a habit of jumping too fast. Jumping too fast this time made me lose the one woman I even considered marrying. She's sooo hurt, she'll barely talk to me (as I've said - there is much more to this story - the GF has been there for me and with me through a lot and VERY supportive each and everytime, but now feels as though I've shut her out), says to give her time. I've always got my children, and my ex (good or bad), but the woman I've been looking for, the last piece of the puzzle, I know I've hurt her (many times - if truth be known), how do I help her get past this, help us get past this?

So my ex had a change of heart and did a big turn around. now she wants to be friends, and I think that's great. Here's my new issue. My GF was really supportive and was the one to push me to be friends with my ex for our daughters sake (she was right). However, I encouraged my GF to call my ex - to assure my ex that my GF wasn't trying to step on any toes etc. So she did, they talked and now, my ex is jealous. I made the mistake of telling my GF that I wished the two of them never talked b/c my ex is now jealous and the GF thinks I care way too much about what my ex thinks. I'm told my GF over and over again, that I have no feelings left for my ex, but she doesn't believe me. SHe thinks that my ex is still inlove with me (), and b/c she's admitted that she's jealous will start causing problems for us, regardless of the the turn around that my ex has had deciding to be friends. My GF thinks that this "big" turn around (as she calls it) is my ex's way of keeping me close to her to try and get back in, when according to my GF my ex had no interest in me except hatred, but as soon as my ex found out I was inlove with my GF...well you can figure out the rest. Needless to say, I have been on the phone with my ex a lot, trying to get things figured out with our daughter (visitations etc), long story short, my GF is now my ex....says she's not going to compete with my ex for my attention, and that when I have my life figured out, call. (There is so much more to this story), what the hell do I do??? I love my GF so much. I've explained to her that my ex will always be in my life - she said she understands that (she's bestfriends with her ex and father to her son - but they've also been bestfriends for 18 years), that's why she encouraged us to be friends, but she didn't expect me to be on the phone 24/7, or putting her off for my ex. I really didn't think I was doing that. WTF do I do?!?!

I'm in need of some advice.

I am involved with a woman who means eveything to me. The problem lays within our children and our exes. I don't get a long well with my ex at all, and fight over our daughter all the time. My GF gets along fantastically with her ex to the point of taking the kids place together at times. Admittedly, I'm a bit jealous (i kow they are only friends, but I wish I had the same relationship with my ex), and b/c of that sometimes sive my gf a hard time. She is a fantastic mother to her children. Her kids are very well behaved, love and respect her. When an issue comes up with her children, she handles it right away, and sometimes things rectify right away, sometimes it takes a few days. Here's the big issue. She thinks I am too soft on my kids. She tells me all the time that I need to talk to them, to get them to "be respectful to others"  show them who's boss (and it's not them). I see where she is coming from. My children are certainly no angels, but I only see them every other weekend, especially my daughter who is my baby (she's 4). I don't want to spend the weekend diciplining them. I don't want them to hate me, or get mad. My gf seems to think that I am not "parenting" them, and I need to do this. I hate to admit it, but I know she's right. However, once again, I only see them every other weekend.

I've mentioned that at some point in time I would like us to be a family, under one roof. GF told me that only when I get a handle on parenting would that happen. I understand what she is saying and I know she's not trying to tell me what to do, but help me, however - they are my kids. I know that if things don't soon change that I'm going to lose her. SHe's already distanced herself from the kids and I. SHe loves my kids, but said that until I get a handle, it's best we only see each other without the kids. For now.

The other issue is that I feel torn between wanting to spend all my free time with her, and my family (parents kids etc). I told her this, and she told me that I should not feel torn. The kids and my family come before her. Which makes me love her even more. I just don't know how to bring the two together.

GF got mad at me last weekend b/c we made plans to catch up after she took her 6 yr old to the park. I asked her to call me when she was leaving so I could meet her at her place. She called. I was so confused as to what I wasnted to do (spend time with her or my family) that I asked her " what are your plans now?" She was upset, I could tell. Told me that she was just going to stay home. I asked her if she wanted me to come over later, and she said no thanks. not this evening. SHe wanted time to herself. Later on we talked and she told me that I was sending mixed signals. I told her I realized that and appoligized. I explained to her how I felt torn. That when she told me all I had to explain was that I wanted to spend time with family. But not to make plans with her and then back out. Makes sense. But still feeling torn.

THen when I have my kids I feel torn. I want my cake and eat it too. Should I set her free??? I'm so confused.