I've been through 2 mediations. Here is my advice, for what it's worth. In both mediations, there was a short period of time where each of us left the room so the mediator could discuss things with just one of us, but most of the time we were face to face.
Mediators vary greatly in quality from one to another. My first mediator (who got out of family law because he couldn't stand the corruption) told me that mediation is the hot trend for lawyers. Everyone's doing it but few are really good. I concur with the comments made above.
Above all, BE PREPARED, particularly about what the minimum you'll accept. When I did my first mediation, I thought that I couldn't ask for 50/50 vacation time since my children get 12 weeks of vacation each year, but I didn't have nearly 6 weeks of vacation from work. I hadn't though about the fact that they could visit grandparents, etc. My ex sounds a bit more reasonable than yours (not that that's saying much), but I wouldn't have even considered it had I not spoken to a LOT of people to try to figure out what I was getting into.
Unfortunately, my mediations took on the tone of each party giving something up. I came in with reasonable demands, my ex came in with absurd demands. If you split the difference (which essentially happened), then I had to give up reasonable issues to get her to give up unreasonable ones. It's a bit of a chess game.
Based on my limited experience, the end product of a mediation doesn't have to look anything like what a judge would order. After the fact, I learned that many of the reasonable things that I actually got were not part of standard judgements. In this way, I think mediation is a great way to take the process out of a corrupt system, IF both parties are reasonable.
Things you should keep in mind (I'm assuming this is your first time):
1. Get things written down--make sure the wording is clear (I got bit in the butt by this one).
2. Try to anticipate issues that may come up down the road (religious affiliation, sharing of medical records, allowable distance one will agree to stay within, right to speak to the children on any day as long as the time of day is reasonable, pick up and drop off schedules and contingincies for one party's failure to show up). Some of these things are difficult to enforce, but it doesn't hurt to show that both parties agreed to it at one point in time.
3. I strongly recommend putting in writing that the parent gets the right of first refusal when one parent is gone overnight and state that all payments to the other will be considered child support unless noted otherwise (many people have gotten burned on these).
4. Assume the mediation will take much longer than you expect.
5. Bring tissues. Lots of scars get opened up, but if it's done right, you'll be able to avoid future issues.
I have a similar distance issue but we've been able to make it work.
Good luck.
RL
ight of first refusa
Mediators vary greatly in quality from one to another. My first mediator (who got out of family law because he couldn't stand the corruption) told me that mediation is the hot trend for lawyers. Everyone's doing it but few are really good. I concur with the comments made above.
Above all, BE PREPARED, particularly about what the minimum you'll accept. When I did my first mediation, I thought that I couldn't ask for 50/50 vacation time since my children get 12 weeks of vacation each year, but I didn't have nearly 6 weeks of vacation from work. I hadn't though about the fact that they could visit grandparents, etc. My ex sounds a bit more reasonable than yours (not that that's saying much), but I wouldn't have even considered it had I not spoken to a LOT of people to try to figure out what I was getting into.
Unfortunately, my mediations took on the tone of each party giving something up. I came in with reasonable demands, my ex came in with absurd demands. If you split the difference (which essentially happened), then I had to give up reasonable issues to get her to give up unreasonable ones. It's a bit of a chess game.
Based on my limited experience, the end product of a mediation doesn't have to look anything like what a judge would order. After the fact, I learned that many of the reasonable things that I actually got were not part of standard judgements. In this way, I think mediation is a great way to take the process out of a corrupt system, IF both parties are reasonable.
Things you should keep in mind (I'm assuming this is your first time):
1. Get things written down--make sure the wording is clear (I got bit in the butt by this one).
2. Try to anticipate issues that may come up down the road (religious affiliation, sharing of medical records, allowable distance one will agree to stay within, right to speak to the children on any day as long as the time of day is reasonable, pick up and drop off schedules and contingincies for one party's failure to show up). Some of these things are difficult to enforce, but it doesn't hurt to show that both parties agreed to it at one point in time.
3. I strongly recommend putting in writing that the parent gets the right of first refusal when one parent is gone overnight and state that all payments to the other will be considered child support unless noted otherwise (many people have gotten burned on these).
4. Assume the mediation will take much longer than you expect.
5. Bring tissues. Lots of scars get opened up, but if it's done right, you'll be able to avoid future issues.
I have a similar distance issue but we've been able to make it work.
Good luck.
RL
ight of first refusa