Messages

OK here is an update,
First thank you for all the help you have provided.  I'm sorry to see that there was issues going on with this blog.  PLEASE STOP!  I have enough issues in my life right now, I don't want to read any more negative stuff on here, only positive stuff that I can move forward with to help my children. 

With that said, I talk with my lawyer this morning with a lot of the information I recived on here. 

I asked him about settling vs fighing.  Again he said he doesn't belive I have enough bullets in the gun to make a change.  I do feel he has given up even thinking about fighting the case.  I think I may need a new lawyer.

I asked him about who gets the "standard package" the dad who loves, supports, takes care of, and helps the child or the one who treats them badly and why mom left.  He said it didn't matter, that's what I would get.  Which is every other weekend, every other holiday, and only 4 weeks in the summer.  WHAT CRAP!!!

I asked him about the 50/50 split if I have to move to NJ.  He said we can ask for anything, it doesn't mean she will accept it.  I would have to fight that in NJ if I move there.

I DO have to pay CS while they are with me over the summer- so mom can have money to play while the kids are with me. Go figure

They will not allow the half way deal for every other weekend or allow me less support because of the cost.  They would allow half way for holidays and summer break. 

There can be a no move clause in the order, but she can break it without much of an issue

She or I can ask for modification at any time

I did not even get into the questions about fighting, at this time it is just not worth it.  I feel I need a more agressive lawyer.  So here is my new question to all of you:

Do I ask for the moon and get what I can?  Or do I find a new lawyer and fight to the death!?!?!!

PLEASE HELP..... I AM CONFUSED.

A side note.  I was reading about the time period.  NJ or GA it didn't matter, I had a full 6 months to file.  It didn't look good or bad that I waited until the last second.  She couldn't file in NJ because she was not considered a resident (didn't change address, or dirvers lic, or banks).  I think I have a better then 40% chance, but I don't know.  I'm being told I will be given less, which doesn't make any sense.  This whole system seems to be set for good fathers to lose and bad moms to win and the kids to suffer.  I feel the kids need both of us in their lives as much as they can.  Dads out there that are going though this, are there support groups for this?  How about orgizations that help dads pick thourgh what is best?  HELP

THANKS AGAIN!!

From what i was told, whether I fought it the next day or before the 6 month time period it didn't matter.  Since I had no legal rights to the kids because we were not married she could leave the state with the kids.  There is no court order at this time because the system is SO slow and she dragged her feet (and could and can get away with it).  I keep thinking to fight at all costs.   But I don't know if that will return my children any time soon.  Over 5 months now have gone by and my children are growing up without me.  Medation didn't do anything.  People on here were right, the plan had no thought put into it for her, me or the kids.  It was just thrown out there. 

I feel my lawyer is the "DOOM AND GLOOM" lawyer which is exactly what I didn't want.  When I did my research on him I was told he was good.  I'm disappointed in his position on things.  I feel I might want to find a different lawyer.  Do you think it would look bad on me if that happened?  I just don't feel my current lawyer is being agressive enough. 

I have heard a lot that GA courts keep kids in GA. 

DO I FIGHT AND ROLL THE DICE, OR DO I SETTLE FOR MORE THAN WHAT IS OFFERED??

HELP!

Hi All,
OK, with what all of you have said, here is what I think I need to do:

1.  Get more then what she is asking
2.  Make sure its all in writing
3.  Be as specific as possible
4.  Set myself up better down the road for custody

If not, fight and roll the dice.  Right??  Keep up the ideas so I can talk with my lawyer tomorrow.  ALL OF YOU HAVE BEEN SO GREAT AND SUPPORTIVE!!  THANK YOU

OK,
All those things sound really good! Thank you.  So lets say she doesn't follow through on things, what happens then?  Can I bring her back to court?  Can I take custody of the kids?  Can she ask for everything to be modified?  I have agreed with all of you, the deal doesn't sound very good and not much thought has been put into it.  We need more detail, and I need more time with my kids.  Keep the ideas coming.
THANK YOU ALL!!

First, thank you all for your replys!  They have been helpful.  So, what then should I be asking more of? Time, money, less CS, etc?  I'm confused as to what I can ask for.  Any help would be great!

GA DAD MISSING HIS KIDS

After talking with my lawyer, I was told that I could not try and have her bring the kids back because we were not married.  I filed in GA under their guide lines of 6 months.  I don't think the deal is good either.  I have a lot of stuff on her, but I  was told " will it be enough bullets in court"?  No one knows.  I'm more worried about going into court and not getting as much as I am about anything else.  I have done nothing wrong to her or my children....ever!  I took them on vacations, fed them, gave them baths, took them to school, and much more!  I don't know why she left, she has never said.  Her lack of communication got us into this mess.  I'm now worried that her lack of communication will continue and she will not tell me stuff about the kids (medical, school, problems, or moving!).  Thanks for all your help, keep the stuff coming!

Hi all!
Thanks so much for the input.  Its weird that you are saying it is what the courts usually offer because I'm being told by my lawyer that this is such a good deal?!?!?!  I THINK IT STINKS!! I want to fight it and see where it goes from there, but I'm afraid of what it will do to my kids.  I want to sheild them as much as I can from the fallout.  It is getting ugly for no reason.  I feel that I have tried to pull back more and not be as agressive because of that.  But she is being VERY agressive.  I'm not sure if I should sweeten the deal or say I'll move up there for the 50/50.  Or if I should fight and maybe win the whole thing.  VERY HARD, I WOULDN'T WISH THIS ON ANYONE!! I'm fearful of what this will do to my children.  Does anyone recommend a support group I can talk with? 

THANK YOU ALL
GA DADDY HURTING..... A LOT!

Hi Thanks so much for the info.  Believe me, I have been racking my brains about a lot of what you just said.  Birthdays and so forth are very important to me.  I've been thinking about a couter offer to her so we can settle this and move on.  Half way drives, long weekends, being there for each birthday, and more.  I don't think what I would ask for is out of the norm, but you don't know until you ask, right?  Going to court is something I don't want to do, but am willing to at this time.  Even a fighters chance is better then no chance.  I don't think she thought at all about what the offer really was, but at least I am.  I'm glad I was smart enought to say "I need some time" and all parties agreed to that.  Now that I am not in the pressure cooker, I can think more clearly about what needs to be done to benift my kids.  Even if that means I have to move closer to them. UG!

OK,
WOW, I just went to medation and was told you have a much better case when: A. Mom is on Drugs, B. Mom is a drunk C. Mom has a DUI D. Mom has put the kids in harms way.  I think you have at least 2 of these.  I would find a lawyer and go for the free talk session.  I know times are tough, they are for me too, but I sold as much stuff as I could to get the money to fight my ex.  Do what is right for the kids, they don't need to be in danger any longer.  Maybe talk to someone at the court house and get a legal aid, I hear they are very inexpensive.
GOOD LUCK!

Hi,
My goodness, I don't know where to even start with this whole mess.  I am a father of two beautiful little girls 2 & 4.  My ex (not married to) and I lived together for years.  We lived in GA, she went to visit family in NJ with my kids and never came back, left everything here!  I went up there for months to work things out.  I was even willing to move there with them.  I found out a lot of things she was doing.  I got fed up and left and came back to GA to file for custody of the kids.

To anyone who is starting out, this process TAKES FOREVER!! And it is like toture!  I never knew how much a Bio-Father doesn't have rights to.  It has been 5 months since I have seen my little girls.  For 1 month I had ZERO contact with them!  She just kept delaying the process, just because she could.

We just went to medation and it was more like a car sales meeting then working things out.  I'm told that even with my evidence I only have a 40% chance of winning?

I have a job, a home that has THEIR ROOMS in it, a nice yard in a good community.  She has moved them to her mothers home, working as a crossing guard, making less then $300 a month, shoved her and my two kids in 1 room (12x10), and at best the house should be condemed!  Even with all that, not including the sex things I have found out, I still am being told by my lawer that I only have a 40% chance!  I don't get it. 

The deal, I'm told by my lawyer, is a good one.  But for me I just don't think it is becuase it isn't enough time!  I'm going to miss out on so much (parent teacher confrences, little leagues, dances, etc.) and that is killing me.  I'm very angry with mom because of what she has done.  My 4 yr old keeps asking me when she is coming back to GA.  I want to have an answer but I just don't know. 

At medation, I asked for time to think about what the deal was ( 8 weeks in the summer, every other holiday, 1 break(fall, spring), every other weekend).  I just don't think its enough.  I want to fight but I don't want to lose.  I'm thinking I may have to move to NJ but really don't want to.  I just can't see why I would not be given primary custody of the childern.  I just don't want to say later "what if".  Am I wrong?  I feel i'm doing what is best for the kids and she is just being selfish.  I seem to be always hitting a wall that I have to jump over or through. 

Should I take the deal?  Should I fight?  PEOPLE I NEED HELP!!!
Thanks
LOVING AND MISSING MY KIDS DAD IN GA