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We had a guardian ad litem after BM filed the false allegations the first time.  The GAL was completely worthless and charged us $3000 (each side paid half).  She refused to do any home visits since BM lived so far away and didn't ever ask to see how the child acted with either parent.  She used the entire retainer to talk to DF for an hour, me for an hour, and then had short phone conversations with BM and her mother (never met with them in person).  When she met with DF she told him that courts usually liked girls to stay with their mothers and later told our lawyer that she was going to recommend that dsd be with her mother BEFORE SHE EVER EVEN TALKED TO BM.  She was completely biased from the start and a waste of money.

I'm sure a GAL can be awesome if you have a good one but they are horrible if you don't.  If WE request a GAL then we will have to pay for him/her, and we just can't afford to do that.  So we are hoping that when we go to court the judge will order one, because then we shouldn't have to pay for him/her.  And we'll just pray that we don't get the same one as last time. 

So I guess since no one has answered my original question - what else we can do to get dsd back - I'm going to assume that there's really nothing else we can do.

browneyed - we already know not to talk to her about.  We have not talked to her about it since it happened 6 weeks ago.  And mom and dad have to BOTH agree to medical treatment before it can be done (including psychological) - this was put into the CO specifically because mom took dsd to have surgery without telling dad.

Well BM has confirmed that she's not bringing dsd.  Our only guess is that she's probably trying to claim child abuse again.  She's supposed to be sending an email later so I guess we will find out for sure then.

Here is what the court order says regarding custody "The parties shall have joint legal custody and joint physical custody of the parties' minor child.  It is the intention of the parents in agreeing to this custodial arrangement that each of them shall have a full and active role...."

It used to say that first sentence followed by "with mother having primary".

It already has been investigated but CPS wouldn't talk to DSD because she wasn't 3 yet (6 weeks away from her birthday).  However, I think it was all BS because it was the same caseworker that handled the first false allegations so we feel like he went into it biased anyway.  Plus he got the case a day before he left for a week's vacation.  This was through CPS in the mother's state.

Part of our modification of custody is that we want the judge to involve CPS and DFACS in our state (they were extremely helpful last time but were limited as to what they could do due to jurisdictional issues; since the abuse happened there, it had to be investigated there).  Since our CO is through our state, if a forensic interview or whatever is ordered by the judge, it should be able to be performed by the agencies here (she also had her third birthday a week and a half ago).

We did everything we could at the time but were faced with dead-ends every time.  CPS here wanted to do a forensic interview but CPS there said no so they couldn't do it (CPS here felt like the child was verbal enough to do one).  We filed an ex parte temporary protection order against BM and the great-grandfather, but when it went to court it was dismissed because the judge wouldn't even allow us to tell him what the child had said (hearsay). 
We were basically told there was nothing we could do except put her into therapy, which we cannot afford.  BM is required to have her on insurance, but she is on medicaid in the other state and it's not accepted in our state.  We are putting her on my insurance in two weeks after we get married, but even then we will have to have mother's permission to put her in therapy. That will be another thing we are going to ask the courts for, as well as psychological testing for the mother since we think she may have borderline personality disorder.

As far as who as primary right now, I guess that will have to be argued out in court.   I didn't know that federal law mandates that a parent has to be designated as primary.  I think BM would probably win that argument because DF has to pay CS to her to "make up for the difference in income".  And usually the NCP pays CS.  But I still think we have enough stacked up against her that we may be able to take it from her (we have EVERYTHING documented with police reports, emails, etc.).

Hello all.  I am getting married in 2 weeks to my wonderful fiance and I guess it's making his ex go crazy.  My ex has joint legal and physical custody with NEITHER parent having primary (mother used to be primary, but after repeatedly violating the CO, my ex was able to get her to agree to remove that designation from the CO last year).  My DSD just turned 3 and their visitation schedule is one week on, one week off.  Mother lives 5 1/2 hours away because she took off with the kid when they first split up.

We have had multiple issues with BM.  She has denied visitation 6 times in the past year and has repeatedly taken dsd for medical treatment without informing DF (even though in the court order it is spelled out that ALL medical treatment must be agreed upon by both parties).  After DF filed contempt against her last year for these violations, she falsely accused him of child sexual abuse, claiming her daughter's diaper rash was herpes.  Of course the test came back negative and everything was dismissed.  She then took dsd in for surgery without telling DF (tonsillectomy and adenoids removal). 

BM is court-ordered to give half of her tax refund to DF (the portion she gets for DSD).  She filed in April but continually refused to show DF her taxes or tell him how much money she would owe him.  He asked her about it every week for two months; every week she had a different excuse as to why she wasn't going to show him.  So he filed contempt against her now.  They had mediation the beginning of August.  In mediation they agreed to show each other their tax returns 3 days later and she was to pay a week and a half later.  Well 3 days later she shows up with her tax return but everything is blacked out and she refuses to give DF a copy that isn't blacked out.  He goes ahead and agrees with her amounts anyway because he's tired of arguing about it and wants it to be over.

Well a week later, we drive the 2 1/2 hours to get DSD (after confirming with BM that she would be there).  When we get there she tells us she's not coming (but insists she has the money ready to give to us).  DSD had had a red bump (that's been there for a month) on her back and BM decides that she thinks it is a medical emergency and wants to get it checked out the next day (she had already taken DSD to a dr. but wanted to get a second opinion).  She also mentions that she's concerned because DSD has red bumps in her privates (which had been there for three weeks - she sweats a lot so we think she just breaks out from sweating).  Of course she can't wire transfer the money to us because the cheapest place to do it is $90.  She promises that she's not keeping DSD for the whole week, just until Mon or Tues.  She then proceeds to ignore all of DF's texts and phone calls for the entire week.

So tomorrow is our meeting day and she's still not answering so we can only assume that she is planning on keeping DSD.  I thought that she may have filed another false abuse allegation, but she hasn't filed a TPO because we are still able to talk to DSD (we just have to call BM's family members to get ahold of her). 

We hired a lawyer to give us advice and write up the paperwork for us and DF will be filing for sole custody (with visitation for her, of course) next week.  He is also filing contempt for the denied visitation and requesting an emergency hearing to grant him temp. custody.  I posted on here before about how DSD was saying that her great-grandfather (whom they live with) was hurting her privates.  BM is *supposed* to be keeping DSD away from him but of course hasn't, and we're worried that maybe there was another incident with him and they are keeping DSD to try to hide it.

Is there anything else we can/should do? 

The temporary order is only good from the date the judge signed it until the hearing - it is an ex parte order.  The hearing will determine if it will be put into affect for a year or not.

I am sure mother and great-grandpa will come with a lawyer.

Nobody has said they are coming to the hearing because the hearing is in TN and TN CPS has not even started their investigation yet.  GA has gotten statements from my DF and have done a physical exam, and yes they did write a letter saying the child should stay in the care of the father (my DF).  They said the judge can call them if he wants to verify the validity of the letter.  The letter was filed with the TPO paperwork along with the police report.

I am sure she will say she will keep the child away from Grandpa but that doesn't mean she will or that she won't try to talk to the child and try to get her to change her story.  Great-grandpa pays all of mom's bills and gives her free housing and food.  Mom doesn't work or go to school, so of course she is going to want to protect her provider. 

The CPS caseworker in TN called DF and was like, "Ok, tell me what you want to tell me" (exact words).  I honestly think he was just trying to get the phone call over with since it was two days before his vacation.  DF asked about the forensic interview and the guy said he would take care of all of that.  We didn't get the temporary protective order until Friday, so no, the caseworker doesn't know when the hearing is.  But DF did call and talk to his assistant, so she knows.  But she said that the caseworker is the only one who can arrange these things (why they gave our case to someone going on vacation, I'm not sure). 

We are acting normal towards the child.  She is acting completely happy and normal, although a bit more clingy than usual.  She has not asked about her mother once, which I think is kind of sad. 

We already had the inital appearance, that's how we got the temporary protective order.  This hearing is to turn that into an extended temporary order which has a minimum of 1 year and a maximum of 10 years.

I know this probably isn't the correct place to post this question, but I'm putting here because the other post that it deals with is here (possible child abuse).

So the hearing for the protective order against the mom and great-grandfather is on Monday.  However, CPS still hasn't done the forensic interview because the caseworker they assigned to the case was on vacation this whole week.

Do you think that if we ask the judge to continue the hearing until after the forensic interview has been done, he will?  We don't want him to dismiss the PO just because we don't have 'proof' that anything happened when it's not our fault that CPS hasn't investigated it yet.

Or do you think the judge will go ahead and put the PO in place since that is CPS's recommendation?  I'm seriously having anxiety issues over this and DF is so distraught that he's doing everything he can to NOT think about this....

You don't need a lawyer since the two of you agree, but you may want to hire a paralegal to fill out the paperwork for you so you know it is correct.

You will need to fill out a child support modification form and a child custody modification form.  You can usually find them online or at the law library.  Then you would both need to sign it and have it notorized and file it at the clerk's office, who would then give it to the judge to sign.

As far as child support, it's hard to say whether splitting it in half was the right thing to do without actually having the numbers.  Because since the son is with you, technically she would have to pay you child support on him which would reduce the amount you pay her.

Since she isn't working, most judges will use minimum wage as her salary.  So let's estimate her income at $1040/month and yours at $2500.  Her CS obligation would be $165/month and yours would be $396/month, which totals out to you paying her $231/month (this does not take into account medical insurance or daycare, etc.).  You can go to alllaw.com if you want to plug in your own numbers.  That should give you an idea as to what a judge would decide. 

GL! It's nice to see parents getting along.

How much proof is needed to get a protective order actually put into place?

Background: Child is 3 and claims that step great-grandfather is touching her privates.  Mom lives with great-grandfather and great-grandmother in TN and Dad lives in GA with fiancee and fiancee's child.  Parents have joint physical and legal custody, no primary, with 50/50 time split (week on, week off).  Child has been taken to the hospital but there were no physical signs of abuse.  CPS wrote a letter saying that the child should stay in the care of the father since the mother lives with the alleged perpetrator.  Child is also claiming that she told Mom and Mom just told the great-grandfather to not do it any more.  Father was able to get a temporary protective order against both the mother and the great-grandfather.

The hearing is in a week.  The CPS investigation is still going on but they are taking their time (Mom made false sexual abuse allegations against the Dad about a year ago, so they may not be taking these allegations seriously).  Father also just filed contempt against the mother over financial issues so she is probably telling CPS that he is just trying to make her look bad before they go to court.  Child has not had a forensic interview but hopefully that will be done this week.

Mom will probably move in with her mom (grandma) in an attempt to get her visitation back.  However, grandma is a known drug abuser and has men in and out of her house all the time, along with a teenage son that has anger issues.  So this is not an acceptable alternative, IMO.  However, I don't think we can gather any proof of this before the court hearing.

Dad is also concerned about the fact that, according to the child, the mother failed to protect her.  He is worried that she will not restrict visitation between child and great-grandfather since great-grandfather is the one who pays all of her bills (Mom doesn't work or go to school).  He is also worried about the Mom trying to convince the child that nothing happened.  The child has brought up the incident 3 times over the past week so we have no doubt that it actually happened.

What do we need to do to get the judge to order only supervised visitation with the Mom?