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all the decrees all wordered as mom has primary physical cusotdy adn bothparents have joint legal custody, justhis occupationmakes it difficult to leave a funerla when i'm closer, adn mom refuses to answer calls (goes to voicemail)-- wehn we took hi  to the hospital for a to injury last yearon a monday and left message b/c kids kep asking for mom, she didn't return call until thrus.

Not that I know a whole lot (married into a situation like this)- my hub got his woman preggers, and he wasn't told until he was served with court papers when the child was 9 months old for support, medical expenses (circumscision,etc); his only copy of the birth photo is in the compnany newletter. The ex's vindictive's behavior (I don't want him to have a DNA- he is the only chance of a father, he an't have custody or visitation becasue he needs to be burped in a special way becasue he could spit up, etc.) led the judge to take the custody from her and award primary physical to my husband with visitation depending on her days off, and her paying !145 support biweekly. (in 1998)

Due to this, as he got older, when he was in preK and Kindergarden, she would come pick him up when she got off work (she work swing shift, meaning picking him up between 11-1), leaving him to miss half a day, and if her days off were consecutive he wouldn't go then either.

He's now 12 and in fourth grade (failed twice). she fhas custody even after her older son sexually abused my stepson and is liveing with them. he doesn't know his full name, DOB, address, phone number, multiplcation facts, days or months of the weeks, etc. adn no one thinks anything is wrong with this!

My suggestion to you is keep journals- details as minute to date, time, comments,notes, you can even color code then, keep emails. If you have an attorney suggest going for only supervised visitation, tht way she she them and can't pawn them off as this is and will continue harming them in the future (might not hurt to have a counselor involved since that is a court question always asked). If not you can always file the modification yourself for free; you would drop the kids off at a state office, leave the kids, she see them for a few hours, and after she leave, you pick them up. Hard on all of you, but if she doesn't play it right, she could lose al rights.

We've been going thru two years of hell with  my stepson's older half brother (who sexually abused him repeatedly) moved back in, while he was supposed to be completing treatment (but was arrested in the half way home for threft, destructin of prop, assault, etc). my SS has gone from honor roll to Ds, suspended twice (once for sexual harassment grabbing th egenitals of another male classmate) and teachers constantly complaining to us he hasn't done homework, behavior, etc.

He had two incidents in October- one, at 5 AM he came to our home (he's 12) becasue he was afraid of his brother, two weeks later, he ran to a neighbor after being hit and threeatened by same bor. we file TRO, and it was thrown out since "boys will be boys" and we didn't have a police reprt yet (two days after the incident)

A suggestion- I have my letter that I emaile, mailed, faxed, etc. to unlimited attorneys in th estate, after explainign the sit, asking them to condsider representing us for the basis of child safety need rather the ability to pay (we have an appt. Wed) so we'll see what happens.

If you's like to see the letter, email me at mortuarygirlz at yahoo dot com and I'll send it to you-- never know, it might help in your case-- but I think immediately he should file appeal.
Brandee

I was wondering if these would stand:
My exwife listed on our 12 y/o emergency card that in case of emergencey only she and my hsuband can pick him up. In many cases, this is not feasible, as her job is more than a hour drice, and hubby being funerla director, might not be able to break away. I (stepmom) live with hub 5 miles, adn being a stay at home mom, would be ideal.

My husband types up a form tyitled Consent of guardianship: the first page lists our son's personal info, school and doctor info, medical insurance card, both parents/legal guardian (at  least what info we have of mom), adn lists me and paternal uncle as contacts authorized in case neither parent can be reached.
he put five clauses: I affirm te child is my biological chil and have joint legal custody.; i give full consent and authroization for the child to live withor travel with temp guardian.; give temp authorization to act in my place and make decisions pertaining to child's educational, medical ad mental health.
i give temporary authoirzation to authorize medical and dental treamtent,for the child, not limited to xrays, test, hospital care, and other treatments that in the temporaryguardian's sole opinion are needed, neccessary, and beneficial for the child (in the absence of being able to contact biological parents). This authorization will cover the period from (date) until Feb 21, 2015 (day after 18th bday)

Hubby signed and willing to notiarized.

WIll this stand since mom is pulling the "ony parents can answer in emergencey? I ask this becasue he was suspended twice, adn neither parent coul be contacted, adn even though school has an emergencey card from both parents, adn we provided the court decree (which she didn't), I think something like this is necessary, or would it be shot down?

Brandee

O Gemini-
Many will say it, (they feel the same as you) but only another stepmom knows what it feels like. I'm tired of crying- I love my hubsand, but knowing now what I know then, I might have put off th ewedding. Between his ex-witch-- she's jealous that he moved on, so she's brainwahsed the child, now 12.....when thinking back on my wedding, I don't remeber the happy times, but two specific icidents- the day of the rehearsal my mom asked my to be stepson if he was excited about the wedding, being best man,, etc and his answer was No, cuz my mom said if i wasn't marrying his dad, he(dad) and me and my mom and brother could all live together and be a family. It felt like I had been stabbed- of course, I and my mom did not tell my husband about this. During the reception, our first dance had to be delayed three times becasue he was crying so upset that we did get marreid.

Now, three  years later, the child is in fifth grade, refuses to acknowledge I'm in the room, and my husband and I have attempted to file neglect charges against her for the past two weeks (he's been absent 10 times in the seven weeks since school started cuz he wakes up late and doesn't feel like going, and told us mom doesn't kepp food in the house, he's been late/absent b/c he doesn't have clothes, been suspended twice, and CPS answers nothing I've described is neglect (I actually posted my letter and the reply in Father's issues as what when CPS doesn't care)......

Remeber, you are far from being alone...
Brandee

I know I"m not dad, but my hubby and I have been having issues. Who can you think of I can go to next- I"ve done the counselor and principal, CPS, and no one will take a report- I would think if a perfect stranger called and claimed all this, they'd ben investigated immediately. (have a pending contempt visit denial in Jan)This is the XXth letter/call/etc we've made for intervention- I emailed this today to CPS (AM I wrong in thinking excessive absenteeism, no phone, no food, no clothes is neglect- it seems in maryland it doesn't):

Dear Madam:
I am writing in my frustration in both my and my husband's attempts to report our concerns about his son, John David (JD). My husband and his ex-wife have a court decree of shared custody and visitations with JD, but over the past year (and most recently within the last 2 months) we have tried several routes of professional help, to no results. My most recent incident of frustration was, after a somewhat disturbing conversation with JD, both my husband and I attempted to file a complaint/lodge a neglect investigation of circumstances at mom's custodial times.

On Tuesday Nov. 10th, JD came over for the beginning of our visit period. Within a half hour of his arrival, we were notified by his school he had been absent. His father, I, and JD had a conversation in which JD said he didn't go to school because he overslept and didn't feel like going. We asked why he didn't call us for a ride (we live one block.six homes away) and he told us there is no phone at home and the only cell phone mom took to work (My problem was what if there had been any emergency- how was he to get help or call 911 or anyone else for that matter?) In addition, he said he needed to eat- he was hungry because "mom doesn't have food in the house". We called CPS, and the representative/secretary (Mrs Benson) took my name and number claiming all the intake interviewers were currently busy and would return my call within a few hours; the return call was 2 days later (11/12 at 11 AM). I told the representative it was an inconvenient time (I was too angry to speak with her at the time, and her suggestion was if there was school problems, to bring it to the school's attention.)

Situations and incidents are continuing- just a small list of reasons I am concerned that I am hoping for a home evaluation can be done and JD (if or when interviewed) is not in the presence of his mother and older half brother.

~ JD was sexually abused by his older half brother five years ago, the older brother was removed, but most recently released on bail and is on probation for several charges (I think assault and theft/burglary). In JD's description to us, the three of them live in a two bedroom single wide modular home (JD has said he sleeps on the couch because his brother has one of the two bedrooms). On October 8th, of this year, JD came to our home at 5:45 AM because he was afraid of his brother (mom was at work). On October 30th, JD went to one of our neighbors, who called the police after the older brother physically assaulted JD (grabbing him, slapping his head to the point his glasses were knocked off his face). We (my husband and I) filed a TRO but was dismissed on 11/02/09 because of JD's resistance to speak in his mother's and brother's presence.

~For the school year of 08-09, while a 5th grade student, he was absent 12 time and 8 latenesses (7 absences in one quarter), suspended for sexually assaulting another male classmate and reprimanded 8 times for behavioral issues. IN addition, we were frequently questioned about his lack of hygiene. To date for this year (seven school weeks) he was suspended for 3 days for fighting during the 2nd week, absent a total of seven days (including the suspension days) in the 1st quarter, and now being 10 days in the second quarter, absent 4 days and one lateness. I have asked school as professionals to file a complaint, but all I know is school staff and teachers have been notified to watch for problems.

I am concerned that as my stepson's grade are continuously dropping (he was honor roll last year, this year he's received several D's and E's) and frequent complaints emailed to us for his lack of homework, behavior problems, etc.; his speaking to us of no phone, no food, no clothes to me is neglect. All these events occur when he is with mom, and sometimes, we don't find out until after the fact (such as the suspensions).
We have binders of emails, documentations, and evidence to back everything I have mentioned in this email. I willingly open my home to anyone who may want to evaluate it. When I filed a complaint last December (12/02/08), I received a form letter verifying my complaint had been received, but nothing more, The mother had custody of her older child (the abusive brother) taken away and he placed in foster care for reason unknown (Baltimore City or County), she ignores all recommendations by doctors and physicians for counseling and medical interventions (she has skipped many appts. and stopped counseling when we wished to participate). I am afraid of what road the child is headed down as he is isolating himself. When we request help, we are told to take it to court for an amendment, which we are in the process of, but there is s 6-12 backlog, and I don't know what else could happen during that wait.


CPS replied within an hour:
Dear Ms. Brandee,
It appears that this situation is a custodial matter, as you report that you have attempted several times to report these issues to CPS and to no avail.  The local department of social services in solely authorize to open a CPS investigation in cases were the child is in "imminent" danger at "substantial risk of harm" for the lack of care by the caregiver (aka Mom in this case).  It appears that although you have diligently reported these concerns to the local department they are unable to obtain proof through their investigation that this mother is neglectful to the point in which under the law the child is in "imminent danger" or at "substantial risk of harm".  This is therefore a matter than can not be remedied by filing a CPS report with the local.  It may therefore be remedied through you and your husband (the biological father of this child) considering filing a custody petition against the mother, utilizing all the information that you have at your disposal.  The burden of proof is a lower standard through a custody filing between two private parties.  The father has just as much right to parent his son, as does the mother and you and he can attempt to make a case that this mother is "not in the best interest of the child" and he should be legally given to you and your husband.  DHR can not provide you with legal advise, but we can suggest that you and your family consider this option as a remedy for your concerns about your stepson.  Please see Maryland COMAR 07.02.07 (CPS investigations)  at for the regulation governing the conduct of and  the legal definition of "abuse and neglect" investigations, in order to get a better impression as to why CPS is legally unable to intervene any deeper in this matter.  Thank you for your inquiry to DHR. 

My husband's bio-son was five whne sexually abused by the child's 14 y/o older half brother (neither parent were home at the time, although mom was supposed to be). Poice were call and the older half child was adjudicated until age 21 in juveluile facilites.(whic is supposed to be next March 2011). Last December 2009, the kid in his half way house arrested for theft assault, etc.  mom bailed him out and living with mom and the victim. I hav been, along with my husband that the stepson had slid nonstop since-- writing porn stories in classes, suspended for three days in school for grabbing nothr boys genital, setc. &no one thinks anything's wrong.

We;ve contacted the master in charge of the chance, adn wws told it was closed (the state
a attorney attempted to reopen it but was denyed), worte congressman, newpapers, contacted school (I've began volunteering, mom changed hr email, hom phone, work,etc, so we can't contact her and didn't see the child until last week.
When we wrote Dept of Juvelie Services, they said even though we are biioparents of the vitims we have no right to see the file ecause the abser was a juvenile.minor....can anyone help cose this loophole-- we live in Baltimore MD?

We have a mediateion case on OCtober 5th, and opted for the sheriff to serve her (the deadline is (9/14) ut have had no luck) in addition, she' suing a tenager adn her dad for $30K each for a fenfer bender-- we conctacted the defendendants adn tld tehm we have the trasnsripts that she was on wrkman's com for 18 months before for the ome infjury, so we doubt that a fender bender at a red light caused $32,000 in bills (cliaming she only missed two day of work).

My big ? is how to we contact Dept of Juvennile Service to gt copies of the abuser's records- I would think since we are the vistim's arents, we should be bale to see them, but are consctantly denied. Any suggestions or form letters would be greatly apppreciated.
You can as well be able to contact me ast mortuarygirlz@ [email protected]

Don't know if I'll be any help or how much but here's some ideas I have-
contact CPS- explain the situation that you're concerned becasue mom has said that the child has these 'rashes' and a sex offender in in contact/in the house etc.

if you know what doctor she uses, write a letter (the form letter we used is here in deltabravo) and mail it with a copy of the decree showing that dad has legal rights, make sure his name is in the records (that she's not leaving it blank) and request photocopies of all records be mailed to you-- you may have to pay, but $10-50 dollars is worth it; we found out my SS was in the hospital in Jan. (we found out in May) and was never told- found it in the notes as a follow up to hospitalization

I'd say file an ex-parte protective order, you fear for the child's safety and she'd be removed immediately (with police escort) for a time until hearing is scheduled-- usually 1-3 weeks, time to get her to a doctor, counselor, etc.

need any more help or to vent feel free to email- [email protected]

the son /my ss has a lot of guilt over being abused- he (in the times we've had him in counseling) has said that it's his fault his older brother 'went away' and his family isn't together and he wishes he could get them back together like he did before (my hub and his ex reunited for a short period, about 4 months, then the abuse occured). the abuser does not have to register as n offender because he was a juvenile and supposedly completed all treatment ordered. when we found out that they were all living together (in a two bedroom place) we filed a protection order and the judge said he can't remove the child on assumptions- he had to wait for something to actually happen.

Wondering if anyone has any good ideas on this one for us- we did file contempt charges for denial of visitation for entire summer of 2008 and 2009 last week against mom denying court order (previous question posted here). Last week, we went to the 6th grade orientation before school started as both parents are given rights per decree to participate in school events-- when mom saw us there, she made the child sit in the car the entire time while she came in picked up the schedule, listened to the 1 hr. speech/questions, with her older son (age 20, the son who sexually abused my husband's son and was incaracerated for it, was released last Dec, we not sure if they supposed to live together llike they are but we can't get info) coming in and out playing bodyguard. As soon as the children were asked to leave to take the tour they left the school.

My husband and I have provide to the counselor at school a copy of a calendar with our personal info, dates of when the child is supposed to be with us, and informed to contact us for anything the counselor feels necessary. We were provided with a copy of the child's schedule adn found it amusing that mom's personal info was on the bottom- the home adress (city and zip) was incorrect, the home number listed was disconnected in June, and the work number given she left in May. Of course we are going to make no attempt to correct it as we see mom is an adult and she has the schedule (she picked it up on thurs) so she can fix it if she wants.

Today, as my husband was leaving, he saw his son standing on his corner waiting for the bus stop (we live one street, a total of 6 homes away). The son, age 12 1/2, came over ot dad and began rambling words-- I missed you, I wasnted to come over but Mom and Chris ( the older bro) wouldn't let me...when the older brother came out verbally abusing my husband-- get away from him- you have no right to speak to him- it's not your time- you'll see him tonight (he's supposed to be with us for dinner from 6-8)- don't think of picking him up at school or my mothe will have you arrested for kidnapping...etc my husband told him more or less to back off or he would call the police and left so that his son wouldn't feel uncomfortable once again.

can anyone think of anything we can do legally to ban christopher denying us speaking to the child in public. we don't have a lawyer (and aren't going to get one) make to much for pro bono, but this kind of crap is frustrating. we don't want to get hit with slander/defamation of character if we bring up chris sexually abuused the brother and a child sex offender is on the bus stop, at school, etc. becasue we are not allowed to see the files and are told the case is closed? what next?