Ex Wife Not Following Visitation Schedule, but not in the way you would think...

[Fatherforever]

Hello,

My Ex Wife and I separated in February 2008. She left me and the children (two boys, 3 and 5) for a guy she worked with. She saw the children about 4 times a month, only on weekdays. (Her weekends were devoted to partying with "friends"). She never would follow the parenting plan set up. Unfortunately up until 6 months ago, I haven't been keeping track of what days she had them, didn't have them, refused them, etc. The parenting plan was setup for her to have them from Friday to Monday the first week, and Tuesday through Friday the next week alternating back and forth.

When our 5 year old son entered kindergarten in September 2009, our visitation schedule changed to a school schedule. She is to have them every Wednesday after school through Thursday morning and every other weekend; giving her a possible 8 overnights a month.

Unlike most other visitation issues I have seen here, and searched for elsewhere... the visitation issues is not one parent keeping the children from the other. My Ex wife actually refuses to have the children for schedule time in lieu of other obligations, be that... her boyfriend's birthday weekend, or parties or when she is sick and doesn't feel like taking care of them. She pawns them off on her mother alot. When she has other things scheduled, the children take a back seat in her life. She will agree to have them and the next day she changes her mind. I have stopped telling the children when "mommy" is coming to get them, because half the time she doesn't come. It's heartbreaking to see them cry about the fact that "mommy didn't come get us", over and over agian. If it was up to me, I would love for her to realize she doesn't want children and give up her rights, but she is hurting the children by not having them when she is scheduled and that is hard to deal with.

My question is this... If I brought her to court for continued refusal of the court ordered parenting plan, what would possibly happen? Would they just give her a slap on the wrist and tell her to follow the order? I am hoping to file for sole custody late in 2010, how much sway would her lack of following the parenting plan do for my case?

Thank you.

~Fatherforever

[blh1013]

Not that I know a whole lot (married into a situation like this)- my hub got his woman preggers, and he wasn't told until he was served with court papers when the child was 9 months old for support, medical expenses (circumscision,etc); his only copy of the birth photo is in the compnany newletter. The ex's vindictive's behavior (I don't want him to have a DNA- he is the only chance of a father, he an't have custody or visitation becasue he needs to be burped in a special way becasue he could spit up, etc.) led the judge to take the custody from her and award primary physical to my husband with visitation depending on her days off, and her paying !145 support biweekly. (in 1998)

Due to this, as he got older, when he was in preK and Kindergarden, she would come pick him up when she got off work (she work swing shift, meaning picking him up between 11-1), leaving him to miss half a day, and if her days off were consecutive he wouldn't go then either.

He's now 12 and in fourth grade (failed twice). she fhas custody even after her older son sexually abused my stepson and is liveing with them. he doesn't know his full name, DOB, address, phone number, multiplcation facts, days or months of the weeks, etc. adn no one thinks anything is wrong with this!

My suggestion to you is keep journals- details as minute to date, time, comments,notes, you can even color code then, keep emails. If you have an attorney suggest going for only supervised visitation, tht way she she them and can't pawn them off as this is and will continue harming them in the future (might not hurt to have a counselor involved since that is a court question always asked). If not you can always file the modification yourself for free; you would drop the kids off at a state office, leave the kids, she see them for a few hours, and after she leave, you pick them up. Hard on all of you, but if she doesn't play it right, she could lose al rights.

[MixedBag]

I suggest you remain quiet and press on with life.

Don't go to court to change the order to sole custody -- because as the primary residential parent, you already have "the upper hand" when it comes to raising the boys.