Messages

In my case, I am the CP, and we were never married.  We have a custody order, and he pays CS, which we figured ourselves to be about half.  I have already given, in the custody order, him the right to claim our son every other year.  Should he attach a copy of the order, or should I sign the form, or both?  Man, the IRS sure does make things as difficult as they can!

What name would that be?  My username?  It's from a song from the movie Dumbo.  The song is named Babymine, and Dumbo's mother sang it to him.  I also sang this to my son.

Honestly, I can't imagine putting myself before our son.  My ex did some pretty awful things to me during the time we were together and throughout my pregnancy (not physically).  If I am honest, I would have to say that my ex's feelings really don't matter to me.  I'm not saying that I would do things to intentionally hurt him, I'm just saying that it doesn't enter into my decision making process.  What DOES matter to me is our son.  I've said it here once before, and this is what does enter into my decision making process:  I love our son more than anything.  More than I dislike his father.  I never want to see the hurt look in his eyes, or hear the question "why doesn't daddy love me" and know that I am even partly to blame.  To look at my ex and I, you would think we get along so well we would probably end up back together.  That will never happen.... too little too late..... hurt goes to deep.....whatever.  These are issues between him and me, and certainly better left in the past and not something our son needs to be privy to.   As far as he sees, and he is only 13 months mind you, we get along great, take him to get pictures done together, etc.  Bottom line is, our son comes first.  I hope it can always remain this way.  Children have enough dealing with the process of growing up.  Their emotional health and wellbeing should come first.  

I had the same kind of problem when DS was 8mnths old.  His father was ordered 6mnths previous by court to put him on health ins.  He did this, but refused to give me a copy of the card or any info.  When I called the insurance directly, they said I couldn't get any info because I wasn't the policy holder.  I had asked numerous times for the card when taking DS to doctor appts, and I practically begged for it when DS had bronchiolitis and was about to be admitted to hospital.  FYI, people providing the service do not have to call the insurance to get the info, and in some cases, the insurance will not give it to them anyway if they don't have a policy number, etc.  The hospital took the info that I had and somehow got the remainder of the info they needed from the insurance.  Not until we went back to court did I finally get the card.    

Good Luck!

PD- nice to see your name again.  I went on vacation, came back, and no singlemomz.  You gave me some really useful advice on that site, and I thank you.

I am a single mom.  I hope it is okay to post here.  I am not anti-dad, or a feminazi, or a uterus opportunist (that one really did make me laugh-you definitely have a way with words).  I have an odd story, and I believe in being polite and sharing it.  My ex and I were never married, so we didn't have to go through the whole divorce thing.  We have a beautiful 1 yr old son together.  We dated for 3 yrs, and we were engaged when I got pregnant.  We hadn't planned on this, and he wasn't very happy about it, so we broke up.  He decided he wanted to be there when our son was born, so I said okay ( I thought that would help him to form a bond).  On the day we were to leave the hospital, he said he wanted me and our son to come home with him.  I decided to give it a chance for our son's sake, and to be honest, I really did love him.  One month later, he decides it was a mistake, and asks us to leave.  He didn't have anything to do with his son for 8 months.  He decided that he really did want to be a part of his son's life, and for the past 4 months, has been a really good father.  We have worked out a parenting plan (with some good advice from Lawmoe and PD), and things seem to be going well.  I decided from the beginning that if he wanted to be a part of our son's life, I would do everything I could to facilitate that relationship.  You see, I love my son.  His physical and emotional well-being is my priority in life- as it should be with all parents.  No matter that his father wasn't very good to me.  He is good to our son, and in the long run, that's what's important.  We share legal custody, and I have mutually agreed upon physical custody.  His father works alternating days/nights, and he and I both agree that he can see his son when he is off.  I will not limit him.  I NEVER want to have to explain to my son why mommy kept daddy out of his life.  He does pay some child support, but it is less than half of what the state mandates.  This is our agreement.  I work full time as a researcher (science) and have a bachelor's degree, but he still makes way more than I do.  We simply sat down, agreed to terms, and brought it to the attorney.

I believe if more parents could realize that no matter what someone did to you, your child comes first.  If the other parent is a good parent (i.e. no drugs, abuse, neglect), it is truly in the best interest of the child to have a relationship and strong bond with them.  The children are innocent, and it will only cause them mental anguish to deny this.  They shouldn't have to grow up with holes in their hearts.  That said, courts should  take the time to TRULY decide each case on it's merits, and TRULY looked at what is in the best interest of the children, instead of going for the quick fix or bowing to convention and precedent.

I've read some of your posts, and can see why some of you feel the way you do.  I honestly don't know what I would do if I couldn't see my son everyday.  I will keep you and your children in my prayers.  Until the courts wise up and look at what's best for the children, keep up the fight.  They are worth it.  Maybe I will be able to offer some advice to someone one day, just as PD and Lawmoe did for me.

babymine