A Tragic Development

[hisliltulip]

"Someone mentioned that "they'll all start coming here". Guess what,, they have been here all along. Most of them deal not only with their own custody situations, but help a bf, a dh, or even just a friend."

You're right PD, as you know, I have frequented both, and I frequent a couple more.

I come here for legal advice for DH's situation with YSS.  Which the help is immeasurable from here.  As many of you know, DH won custody of YSS.  Without the advice I received here, there is NO WAY he would have won.

I also come here for advice on how to deal with MY ex.  Checking to make sure I am not a PBFH, or a rug.

I went to singlemomz for advice on how to deal with day to day stuff related to the boys.

Yeah, there are opinionated people there.  There are also opinionated people here.

My DH was actually a man who didn't trust any woman after his second marriage...  I was a woman that didn't trust any man after my first marriage.  Now we are married to each other and very happy.

To be in 3 different situations with custody, my spectrum has grown, as has DH's.

NOT all single mom's are bad.  Just as NOT all single dad's are dead beats.

All right, all right.  I'm done rambling here.

BETH

3 Boys!

OSS - NCP
YSS - CP
DS -CP

[wendl]

The're were some nice ladies and men on singlemomz, but the're were also some hmmm I won't say.

The ones I will not name, didn't like me becuase I spoke my mind. They just thought of me as a evil stepmom standing up for my dh. HOWEVER those certain Ladies, wouldn'r recoginze that I was a SINGLE mom from the conception of my son until he was 8 when I married my DH.

As a CP who's ex is a true dead beat and as a stepmom whos DH is a wonderfull dad I have experiences both sides.

Aslo what gets me is a lot of time woman whine about NOT getting cs or partial cs, well I would be happy to get some HOWEVER, I was raised to not depend on anyone to support me or my children BUT ME. I strongly feel both parents need to support and raise there children equally. I can't stand when cp continuously whine about cs, Many ncp cs is to high for them to live after paying it, many ncp have to live with roommates, family becuase they cannot afford to pay for rent on their own.

The sad thing about the legal system is
1) cs is based of what IF the parents still were together
2) visitation is NOT based on what IF the parents were together, many time ncp's are reduced to visitors in their childrens lives. Which is terribly sad as it take two to make a child and two to raise them.
 and on and on and on
:)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[babymine]

PD- nice to see your name again.  I went on vacation, came back, and no singlemomz.  You gave me some really useful advice on that site, and I thank you.

I am a single mom.  I hope it is okay to post here.  I am not anti-dad, or a feminazi, or a uterus opportunist (that one really did make me laugh-you definitely have a way with words).  I have an odd story, and I believe in being polite and sharing it.  My ex and I were never married, so we didn't have to go through the whole divorce thing.  We have a beautiful 1 yr old son together.  We dated for 3 yrs, and we were engaged when I got pregnant.  We hadn't planned on this, and he wasn't very happy about it, so we broke up.  He decided he wanted to be there when our son was born, so I said okay ( I thought that would help him to form a bond).  On the day we were to leave the hospital, he said he wanted me and our son to come home with him.  I decided to give it a chance for our son's sake, and to be honest, I really did love him.  One month later, he decides it was a mistake, and asks us to leave.  He didn't have anything to do with his son for 8 months.  He decided that he really did want to be a part of his son's life, and for the past 4 months, has been a really good father.  We have worked out a parenting plan (with some good advice from Lawmoe and PD), and things seem to be going well.  I decided from the beginning that if he wanted to be a part of our son's life, I would do everything I could to facilitate that relationship.  You see, I love my son.  His physical and emotional well-being is my priority in life- as it should be with all parents.  No matter that his father wasn't very good to me.  He is good to our son, and in the long run, that's what's important.  We share legal custody, and I have mutually agreed upon physical custody.  His father works alternating days/nights, and he and I both agree that he can see his son when he is off.  I will not limit him.  I NEVER want to have to explain to my son why mommy kept daddy out of his life.  He does pay some child support, but it is less than half of what the state mandates.  This is our agreement.  I work full time as a researcher (science) and have a bachelor's degree, but he still makes way more than I do.  We simply sat down, agreed to terms, and brought it to the attorney.

I believe if more parents could realize that no matter what someone did to you, your child comes first.  If the other parent is a good parent (i.e. no drugs, abuse, neglect), it is truly in the best interest of the child to have a relationship and strong bond with them.  The children are innocent, and it will only cause them mental anguish to deny this.  They shouldn't have to grow up with holes in their hearts.  That said, courts should  take the time to TRULY decide each case on it's merits, and TRULY looked at what is in the best interest of the children, instead of going for the quick fix or bowing to convention and precedent.

I've read some of your posts, and can see why some of you feel the way you do.  I honestly don't know what I would do if I couldn't see my son everyday.  I will keep you and your children in my prayers.  Until the courts wise up and look at what's best for the children, keep up the fight.  They are worth it.  Maybe I will be able to offer some advice to someone one day, just as PD and Lawmoe did for me.

babymine  

[wendl]

Babymine,
You sound like a good mother and a person who is putting your child 1st and not how you feel towards your ex. Many times when one parent remarries the other parent feels threatened  (which is silly how could it be bad for so many people to love a child, the more love the better)

My ex and I were never married either, I have tried him to get him to be a part of our sons life, but after 12yrs of nothing, I gave up.

keep up the good work

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[speciallady]

and I'll tell ya what I read on that forum that really biased my opinion of that site.
Mother's who are breastfeeding need to do whatever they can to use this to keep dad from child.
The new wife is the reason they have so much trouble with their ex now.
(not directly quoted but the idea is there)

Sheesh, my husbands ex posted there for a while too (not a single mom as she posed to be) and ya wouldnt believe the pitty party she was asking for-based on her twisted perception of things. Made me wonder about a few other posters there, too and just what the real story may be? A few, in fact, went from here to there......

I see mafia is gone now too---woohoo!!!!!

[sweetnsad]

"Made me wonder about a few other posters there, too and just what the real story may be? A few, in fact, went from here to there......"

So what if they went from here to there??  Perhaps they were there first and came here for some helpful resources....how do you know?

Of course it's easy to assume that perhaps not everyone is honest, but the best we can do is trust that what they are saying is true.  Everyone has their own story to tell.  

It's always easier to judge when you are on the outside looking in.

[Peanutsdad]

Typically tho,, if the story is too far off from the truth,,, then none of the advise will really help.

Thats why I dont get all bent,, cuz if they blow smoke, their case be nothing but smoke.

[jurroppi1]

Not sure why you responded to my post, but I can tell you that my experience, along with a fairly large number of other individuals, some females, some single mothers were very different from yours while there.

While it is true I was among the many men debunking the outright slanderous untruths being told at singlemomz, I have seen several different men try to approach the message boards there at different angles, all to just be shunned, ridiculed, called names, sworn at,  banned, etc...

Since my original post here was in regards to the empirical data (statistical)/technical end of things regarding the domain singlemomz.com, I am surprised that you feel the need to proselytize to me about singlemomz. If you simply replied to the latest post at the time, then that's a different thing I suppose, but it still leaves me wondering.

[skye]

I honestly did not mean to reply to ypu directly nor was what I said directed at you.. It was the last post at the time. I was just making a tatement on my thoughts on the subject and if you remember I have brought it to attention when one attacked this sight for no reason.. I am not choosing sides, I am not saying any one is wrong I am stateing that all people feel different and some have good cause, on BOTH sides sorry if you took it personal

[MYSONSDAD]

I saw that one too. A poster suggested a breast pump, got slammed and they had to convince her how that would not work.

You are 'Right On' with the new wife coming into the picture. Funny how that changes everything.

I personally, did not like the nick names they gave the daddys. With easy access to the internet, it would not be good for kids to be reading what their moms are saying about their dads. Too easy to leave the computer on and walk away. Wish I had a nickel everytime the phone rings while I am on line.

There was one moderator there that I liked. She was very knowledgeable and gave good, solid advice, without prejudice or bias.

"Children learn what they live"