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My husband was supposed to call the DA yesterday but when he found out mom was getting out of jail yesterday, he had to deal with all that instead, so he should be calling today. He doesn't think they will tell him much since it is an ongoing investigation. It was a big drug bust involving months of surveillance and multiple people were arrested.

He wants to try to file ourselves but I'm worried about doing it incorrectly. We learned the hard way in the past that you can only file for an emergency hearing once on the same issue.

Fortunately, my stepdaughter was with us when it happened so she has remained with us. She goes to school in our school district.

My husband has already talked to our lawyer about filing for emergency temporary custody. She wants $2500! But she said it would only be $1000 if we can get mom to sign a consent order but we weren't sure what to put in it. But I guess that makes sense to just focus on the short term and then hash out the long term details later.

CPS is not involved. I don't know if the police are even aware she has a child since she was with us. Should we call them? They don't know about my stepdaughter being at the drug dealer's house - that's just something she told us. I didn't know if I should call because it technically doesn't "prove" she was around drugs (although we can all assume she probably wasn't just stopping by to say hello). Mom's family and us are still in shock. Nobody had any idea (although we did suspect she had a pill problem).

Mom of course doesn't want to sign a consent order - hasn't said she won't, just that she doesn't want to. She says that since she is stuck out of state anyway that it shouldn't matter. That once she is better and able to move back, she wants to go back to 50/50. But we are worried she will try to do that sooner than she is really ready for it, and with no new temporary order. We wouldn't be able to stop her from taking stepdaughter back.

One 8 yo daughter.

Yes, my husband and I are both willing to supervise as well. Mom came over yesterday to spend some time with her and say goodbye before leaving the state.

My stepdaughter was not with her when she got arrested but she knows the drug dealer by name and has been to his house numerous times (but had to wait in the car). And we just found out from mom's husband that her friend called and apologized for not telling him sooner but she caught mom snorting coke on their wedding day. So, my stepdaughter has definitely been around her mom while high and has been with her while picking up drugs. But we don't really have proof of that I suppose.

Mom recently got arrested for possession of meth, heroin, and MDMA. Her family that bonded her out of jail lives out of state, so she was forced to go live with them 7 hours away.


Most likely, she will just get probation since this is her first offense (according to her lawyer). Not sure which state she will have to serve her probation since she has nowhere to live here since her husband is divorcing her.


Her family is working with us on getting her to sign a temporary order so my husband doesn't have to take her to court. Even though she will probably be stuck out of state for awhile, the current order is 50/50 and my husband isn't comfortable just jumping right back into that once she is able to move back (which could be years down the road).


What should my husband ask for?


Obviously, supervised visitation at my husband's discretion. He may need to be more specific than that to get her to agree to it. What is reasonable? 9-4 on weekends and 3-6 on weekdays when she is in town? Is that too much? He is okay with one specific family member supervising the visitation.


Phone / facetime contact daily


Should he ask for drug testing or just leave that up to her probation officer?


Can he ask for her to attend a drug treatment program? She has said her lawyer said she probably won't have to go to rehab since she only had a small amount of drugs on her. But we know for a fact that her drug problem has gone on for years, and she also has a pill problem, which she didn't get in trouble for (and we have no proof). She needs rehab. And we want her to get better and we don't see that happening without extensive behavioral therapy. Living with her enabling family is not going to help her much.


Anything missing?

Oh, and he doesn't pay child support so we can't use that as a negotiating factor.

And the school considers him primary - BM isn't even allowed to sign any paperwork since she lives out of district. We live in the same town dsd was born in and has always lived in.

He has tried talking to her but she will not accept anything less than 50/50.

I'm fairly confident DH would win primary if it came down to it because he does all of the primary parent responsibilities - makes and attends all dr/dentist appts, throws a bday party for her every year, volunteers at the school, attends all open houses/pt conferences, etc. Ex rarely goes to the school, has no interest in her school friends, doesnt go to open houses and has been late for every pt conference. However, our judge just retired so we could be surprised.

Now she's just being difficult. We get dsd back tomorrow. She works in our town. But instead of just bringing dsd to us in the morning, she's leaving her with her husband and making my husband drive the 45 miles to her house to pick up dsd at 2:30. This is the kind of crap we have to deal with.

She is in first grade.

Ex has to leave the house by 6 am to have her to school by 7:50 (traffic). I don't know how long it takes them to get home.

Ex has 50/50 custody, neither parent designated as primary but Dad has final say in education so DSD goes to school in our district. Ex got married and moved an hour away. 50/50 had continued because the move is supposed to be temporary, but it's been months and there's been no move. Dad does not feel the distance is good for dsd. If we go to court, do you think the judge will agree that is too far for dsd to travel on schooldays?

Wow! What a mean witch! I have no advice, just hugs and sympathy for you. I hope the judge understands the importance of having you all and your grandkid's brother in her life on a regular basis.

Around here, they look at your income over the past three months - so unless she has been working at her old job that long, it won't really matter.