Messages

I freaked out when I shouldn't have. The people before me in court were years behind in CS. When my turn came up, the prosecuting side said "Well your honor, he was ordered to pay 545 per month and......(looking at calc sheet)...........from what I see........that's pretty much what he has been doing. No further questions." A review was ordered, and I will be completely current when that day comes. I am not sure why, but they never even took any of the documents I filled out for them. I am wondering if Mom and her Dads influence had something to do with this. I felt things were over, and ended up getting a week longer than I asked for. Strange.......

     It has been a long process. Despite a custodial evals recommendations (she hired), the judge adopted her parenting plan, and ordered Yavapai County Acess Guidelines. I DONT SEE MY CHILDREN OFTEN ENOUGH! However, I have to accept that it "is what it is", for now. My issue is regarding CS.
     When I received the Decree of Dissolution it was almost the end of May. The dissolution stated that I am $8,000 in arrears and three months behind on payments (commencing March 1st). I was not given any credit for the support I paid, as it was not done through Clearinghouse. I have been doing all I can, but still was unable to pay Nov. and Dec. Otherwise, I am current. CS has sent this to the atty general, and I have a court date in 4 weeks. I work 2 jobs now, and don't know where I'll find the time to prepare for this. DCSE is requesting that my drivers license and business license be suspended and that I be incarcerated. I don't know what else I can do. I feel such despair, and worry that I will soon be unable to see my Children- AT ALL! Mom constantly bad mouths me to the Children, although they say they "Don't like it", it still hurts to be called a "deadbeat Dad" when I am putting so much effort into this. Mom has hired a PI to file complaints with the county regarding my residence, causing even greater financial hardship. My credit is shot, and I get calls daily from collection agencies. I have contacted Fathers Rights Groups, and was told they can't help me, before even hearing my story. I......I don't know what else I can do . I can physically and mentally do no more. I need help! Is there anyone reading this that knows what I should do, or where I can go for help?

I have been trying to find appeals online regarding custody and parenting times. I have been to hundreds of websites. I can't believe I am trying to find cases that "force" a judge to do what is in the best interest of my children. I simply want the recommendations of the specific, neutral, professional, court appointed custodial evaluator that BM hired, and made sure that the order stated she pay "the entire and full cost of the evaluation."followed. Now that the report is done (appx 6 months) she disputes it. Seems that just because she doesn't agree with the 30+yrs exp. and a degree from Berkley, that the judge doesn't either. If I would have known he was not going to go with her recommendations, I would have presented the multitudes of evidence I gave the evaluator at trial. Everyone assured me that the report would surely be what the judge would do in the decree. I spent so much time and effort making sure the evaluator had ALL of the facts. Please, if anyone reading this knows if I can file an appeal based on the judge NOT following the recommendations of a court appointed custodial evaluator and, thereby, NOT serving the best interests of the children, please post here. My atty tells me judges are like umpires and don't like being told they've made a bad call. (I owe him alot of money) I could care less what that judge does and doesn't like. This is the future of my children here. The evaluator has seen how I live, met the children's school teachers, seen our interaction together, etc. The judge heard 8 hrs. of lies and bashing false testimony from Mom. HOW CAN HE LEGALLY JUST IGNORE HER RECOMMENDATIONS AND IMPOSE STANDARD GUIDELINES? I know I should be thankful I see them, as so many Dads don't see their kids. I just feel that this has to be changed now, before it's too late. I am sure that if the sexes were reversed that it would be a completely different decree. Dads are loving, capable parents too! Any help needed! The kids are almost 4 and 5. We live in Arizona (Yavapai County). The child support/sposal main. is literally more money than I make in an average month.(2 yr marriage at that) I don't know what to do. I read, on this site, "Don't give up on your kids, no matter what hurdles are placed in front of you." I try to remember that.

It is called an "Under advisement ruling" and my atty is to prepare final decree based on it. It is Yavapai County Access Guidelines for 3-5 yr olds. 6-12 yr old guidelines state 2 wks during summer added. Terrible of someone to make such sparce times for parenting times. Current schedule was a temp order and gave us all of Wed. together. Both schedules allow eow. The revenge was, in fact, due to no sleep. I feel much better now. My atty has agreed to take 50% of balance due and file a "Motion for reconsideration". Said it is a very loose and sloppy ruling, and he is having a hard time preparing decree (as judge ordered him to prepare decree consistent with that minute entry). According to my atty physical custody just describes who children are with mostly, joint legal is judges intent w Mother as primary. I will try finding appeals online. Thank you for advice.

trial is over. almost 4am and i cant sleep. I owe atty 13,000 on top of 5,000 I've already given him. I am broke. Guidelines are 6pm to 8 am. enough time to feed and shower the kids before bed. then only to wake up and get going to give them back. This is certainly not in the best interest of my children. I feel beat up. I've fought so hard to preserve our time together, have excellent reports and great track record. I pray something big happens. For the first time I consider revenge. I don't know what to do. 4 days a month is not enough time to stay plugged into my childrens lives.Not sure why a judge would do such a terrible thing. I love my kids so much. 

I received an excellent report from the custodial evaluator that the children's Mother hired and paid the full cost of. Mom disagrees with the report. Now the judge is planning to order Yavapai County Access Guidelines for children 3-5. It will be a fraction of the time we have had together for the past 1 1/2 yrs. The evaluator recommended even more time than I currently have. Does anyone know of any court cases, laws, guidelines, or any other helpful information to educate the judge as to the validity of a report that took 5 months over that of "guidelines"? We live in Arizona, and any wording or references would be extremely helpful. Thank you.

I know that you should not give up on your children, "no matter what hurdles are placed in front of you." I had to prepare myself to accept 'supervised visitation' as that is what Mother was seeking. You mentioned church, I will be praying for you and your family. The Lord can turn things around at the drop of a dime. It has been my expeirence that things that seem bad at the time can actually turn out having an extremely important place in the big picture. Alchohol and drugs have probably taken enough already, don't allow them to take anymore. I know that waiting is hard, but things will turn around eventually. I also told the truth, and Mother lied extensively. Now, 1 year later, it is catching up with her. My advice is to stay sober, honest, and keep your Son in the foreground of everything. DON'T WALK AWAY! NEVER GIVE UP! I also considered leaving very early on in the seperation. I was alienated from my children, and things seemed hopeless. I am so thankful I didn't. I thought Moms parents money were going to take them from me anyway. I thought their unsubstantiated claim to CPS was going to take them from me. I though the custodial evaluator they hired was going to take them from me. Instead they only strengthened my position. At the time I was devastated, now I am thankful. Just do the next right thing in front of you. Remember the story of Joseph. It may seem hopeless now, but things will change. Take care of yourself, and the rest will fall into place. It just takes more time than we'd like it to. How old is your Son? Be sure not to ever give up on him, or yourself.

i received the eval report yesyerday. It was a very good report and recommends precisely what I have been proposing all along. The party who paid the "entire cost of the evaluation" (in the court papers) is probably not too thrilled that I now have yet another positive document for joint custody. Joint physical and legal custody is absolutely the best for our Children, and her report reflects that. I pray that the judge follows her recommendations, as well as reviews the CPS report. I very much appreciate the advice on this site. Next step- parenting plan. Mine is very long, and covers issues until the Children are grown, hers is an exact 2 page copy of the document the mediators would have presented to the judge-had I agreed to 1 weekend per month, no overnights, supervised visitation, and multiple other stipulations. Even the mediators were surprised to see the document THEY fill out for the judge already typed, printed, and ready to go. Should I shorten my PP? While it is 10-15 pages long, I have numbered every line, double spaced, and included everything I could possibly think of. I think more detail is better than too little. I have read all the plans on this site, and taken from, modified, or added to them. Is a 15 page parenting plan common in a "high conflict" case? Any advice for me at this stage is appreciated. The forums here have kept me grounded and swayed  many tendencies to "bash" Mom through this process. And for anyone new to this, it was my saved voicemails and exchange recordings that I think made the biggest difference. Two paragraphs of her report addressed them. It shows Mom not to be the innocent "victim" in all of this. If it is legal in your state, I recommend getting a digital recorder and keeping it in the vehicle at all times. It would have been a "he said/she said" if I hadn't had recorded conversations between us. Thanks again for constantly reminding me of "What is in the best interest of the Children?" I ask myself of that question before taking almost any course of action. I think it can be all too easy to lose sight of the big picture when going through a divorce. However improper it is, I must say that there is a certain irony in that Moms parents attempt to "ask the court to do whatever it can to keep Mr. xxxxxxxxxxx away from those kids and their daughter" (COMPLETELY unfounded) has only made my case for joint legal and physical custody stronger. Court date is 8 days away!

This post is going to be written by a friend who has no internet. I will let her take it from here.

I would like to know if a divorce is pending in one county can a person file for divorce in the county they got married in?

I dropped my three minor children ages 6 and under off to my father-in-law for temporary help. While dealing with the death of my mother.
They later put a amended order of protection on the children, against me. Then it was amended again and the children were taken off. The father  still has an order of protection against me and i have no way to my kids. He filed for divorce on June 17 and set the papers on the doorstep. I never signed for them. Is the divorce pending?
Bottom line he is an one county and filed w/no affidavit of service in place. Can i file in a another county>where we got married? Also he filed for emergency temporary custody and was denied. How do i see the kids and get back custody? We are in AZ and he is a retired army veteran, with a set disability pay, active ins and the apt we rented. What chance do i have?

Any advice for me in this PLEASE? I was recently found guilty for disorderly conduct and criminal damage. When testifying on the stand, I was cut off by "asked and answered" and "past acts" objections by the state. Disorderly charge is for yelling at Mom for her pushing, cussing, and screaming at our 3 yr old daughter. Criminal charge is for ripping my face out of wedding pictures. State simply asked if I yelled at Mom and then cut me off when I tried to explain I flushed her meth down the toilet two days prior. When I told them she was screaming at our Daughter and tried to let them know that two days earlier she literally shoved her to the floor, they objected saying "past acts". I didnt fall into the trap that drug sets, and now Im paying for it..........legally. The alternative is so much scarier. As for ripping my face out of the pictures, I have no excuse aside from she hit me with her fist in the face twice causing loc. She wasnt charged and I didnt get to provide statement. I never even touched her, and thankfully she doesnt claim I did.  Her Dads best friend is chief of police, and his neighbor is a judge. I know his influence and money played a part in her not being charged. Both my charges are as per domestic, and they are trying to use this to take my children from me. The accusations and her parents involvement are too numerous to mention. She called CPS on me, and CPS concluded the accusations unsubstantiated, stated there is a problem with co parenting on one parents part, and gave a warning regarding filing a false report with CPS. She is a good person, and I thank God for her. Moms memory of what the report said is, of course, not so good. The custody evaluator they have had appointed by the court was surprised to hear she was doing drugs, and knew nothing of CPS being called. Which brings me to my concerns. Her parents are paying the full cost of the evaluation. There shall be no objection to any heresay evidence. Mom continues to lie, recently claiming years of physical and emotional abuse of her and the children. THIS IS NOT TRUE! She cant even tell the same story twice because she has lied so much. The evaluator is being paid by them. They picked her to do the eval. The evaluator also sent the PSI and ASPECT test home with me to complete. She told me we will do psyc testing when I meet her again on the 20th. Several things she is doing are cautioned against on this site. I am worried. Not about my ability and record as a Father, but that money is going to take my children from me. If she tries to administer RORSARCH test on the 20th, can I refuse? Or would this be taken as non compliance and hurt me? All I recall seeing is butterflies and sea dragons. I think it is a stupid test and may pave the way for the evaluator to say whatever she wants to. I do not get a bad impression from her, but there is so much at stake here. I am a good Dad who loves the Lord and his children very much. I am patient and good with my kids. My children are 2 and 4 now, and when getting dressed to go back to Mom, they say they dont want to go back, and that they want to stay here with me. I tell them Mommy needs to see them too, and that I will see them again soon. I have them with me every Tues eve to Wed eve and every other weekend for the past 8 months or so. Although she claims multitudes of wrong doings on my part, nothing abnormal has happened. I plan to give evaluator CPS report, drug test results, times and dates of missed visitations, pictures of shop and house, threatening voicemails from Mom, threatening texts from Mom, and proof she told our daughter "Your Dads a bitch." "He doesnt care about you" "He doesnt help you". Heart touching to hear my little girl say "Yes he does Mommy!" Insane to hear her say "No he doesnt Jordan!" And back and forth like two little kids they did this. Mom tells her so many lies about me, but I just try and say "We're just not going to talk about Mommy right now." It is hard not to defend myself sometimes when our daughter says "Mommy said..................." But to engage her in that would just confuse things even more. We could have sent our kids to college for what this process is costing. This stuff isnt healthy for me, isnt healthy for her, and obviously not healthy for the children. Anyone trying to take a child from their parent to "get even" because they filed for divorce.............PLEASE reconsider the situation, for the sake of your child. I had to fight to get visitation in place (3+ months), and now I worry they are going to take it from us. Please feel free to ask any questions or post any advice that may help keep my children and I together. Thank you and God bless!