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I'm new to all this so I'll try and explain myself the best I can.

I live in California and have a 4 1/2 year old boy.
Me and his mother (we were never married) split up when he was 1 1/2 years old.
At the time we were still together we opened up a savings account under his name. My son could not remove any money from the account until he turned 18 years of age. I put in more than $1,000 of my money to get him started, his mother never put in a single dime. The way the account would work is that every year the money was in the account it would accumulate interest.
Around the time my son was 2y/o I was laid off from my job.
I lost my car cause I couldn't pay it and I had to move back in with my parents.
I stopped paying her child support because I was broke.
I tryed helping in anyway I could, but there was no way I could afford to give her $700 a month.
At the time I didn't know I could go get a modification to get my payments lowered.
So for a whole year I didn't pay her the full amount of child support.
My current girlfriend was the one to inform me that I could get a modification. So around the time my son was 3y/o I went back to court and got my payments reduced to $90 month plus $50 for the arrears.
Still I owed her more than $4,000 in arrears. I started working again so she took me back to court to get more money now I currently give her $200 a month plus $100 in arrears.
Just recently I remember about the account we open for my son 4yrs ago.
I went to the bank to see if I could deposite some money in his account, and the account had been closed for more than a year!
I asked BM and she said she withdrew all the money and closed the account!
She said she took the money around the time I stopped paying her child support.
So my question is, is there anything I could do?
I'm paying her back for what I owe her so I think its only fair that she pays back my son his money. Or some how get it deducted for the arrears. I feel like shes basically double dipping. She took my sons money and now shes taking mine.
Is there anything I could do or is it hopeless?

Thanks for your help.
I forgot to mention somethings.
My son doesn't have a bed to sleep in at her house.
I have been keeping a log book of the nights he sleeps over and the times his mother has not been home but I have not been documenting his condition when I pick him up but I will start.
Also, My son's mother has been out of work now for 5 months and has been receiving welfare for my son and herself. Shes in the process of garnishing my wages. My court order shows that I only have him 30% of the time but I know and she knows that I spend more time with him then that, so I would like for my order to reflect that. I feel as my ex is just being controlling because anytime I ask to have my son for a special occasion such as my birthday she won't permit it, but if she has something to do on the day she's suppose to have him, I have to watch him. Again I don't mind the extra time but its begining to interfer with my daily life such as time with my younger son and wife. We can never make plans because BM is always changing the schedual. So one day I'll expect to have him so I make plans then at the last mintue BM changes her mind. I think thats unfair becuase my son was already expecting to be with me and my family.
Oh one more important thing, I took my son to the doctors(only because she couldn't last mintue otherwise she would have never permitted it)and they told me my son is more than 20 pounds under weight. I inform BM and all she said was okay. It has been more than a year since that visit and my son is stilling eating the same way when with her.
I think my son is getting very tired of going back and forth, everytime its time to drop him of at his mother he says the same thing, " oh no not again, why do I gotta go back I just came from there". Its clear to me that my son is sick of it. His behavior towards me, his little brother and stepmom is very bad anytime we pick him up. I'll ask him how he's day was and he'll say that mommy said it was a secret.

Truth, to get custody you would need to prove serious neglect with child services involved. It takes years in court to get custody from another parent.
You can get some of the issues addressed. The major ones is the sleeping arrangements. Does child have a bed at mom's but she is sleeping with mom? She at least needs her own bed (usually the law in most states).

Start documenting when you have child and the extra time she is sending him to you. She is not allowed to change your schedule so you should be always getting your court ordered time. Once in a while, sure if she needs to switch but the schedule you have is very normal for a "father". Once child starts school, watch attendance and grades and make sure he is getting to school. Document everything. Has child been to dr? Does dr seem worried about child's weight? Kids are very picky and they will eat when they get hungry.

Instead of trying to get her to say joint physical custody, maybe offer it differently. Like:
This summer, can we do one week on, one week off until he starts school?
Can we do Fri- Tues one week then XX the off week (not sure what would work) and offer to keep child support the SAME...(for now)...

You need to prove you have him more time for a long period of time (6 months or longer).

Bedtime and choice of foods...family court does not care about...it is a parenting issue that you both do not agree, not a law issue.

I'm new to all this so here I go.

I am 25 years old in live in California.
I am a non custodial father to a 4 1/2 year old boy and was wondering if I stood a chance in gaining joint (or sole would be good too) legal and physical custody of my son.
I currently live in a 3 bedroom house with my girlfriend and our 6 month old baby boy. I have brought up the topic of joint custody to my son's mother but does not want to grant it. She never gives me a good reason for why she doesn't want to give it to me.
I would like my son to spend more time with me and his baby brother.
I feel like the current order is not fair and unstable for my son.
I currently have him tues and thurs from 4pm-8pm and 3 weekends out of the months. But this schedule is consistently changing because his mother always has something to do. I end up having to watch him on weds and on weekends she's suppose to have him, I don't mind spending the extra time with him but I think its unfair for him to be tossed back in forth between us just because she has something as unimportant as taking her friend to the store. I Truly feel the only reason she does not want to give me custody is because she thinks she will not get child support.
Also every time I pick up or drop off my son at his mothers house she is almost never home (She still lives with her parents, so I leave my son with them).
Also my son's doesn't eat well or sleep well when he is with his mother. Every time I pick him up all he has ate has been some cereal or hasn't ate at all. He goes to bed at 8pm when he sleeps over my house, when at his mothers he goes to bed past 10pm (even on school nights). I have tried to speak with her about my concerns but nothing has changed.
My son has his own room and bed at my house, at his mothers he sleeps in her bed. These are all reason why I feel like it will benefit my son to come live with me or at least spend more stable time with me and my family.