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BF time with the kids is often spent enjoying activities with the children.  Versus have to be committed to one child's events while the other have to tag along,sitting idle. Majority of the events/practice that have to be attended are for the one particular child and BF finds out most often on the day of his visitation which has him altering his plans or the child missing out.  This leads to how important it is to this one child..  Family First is important but is should include all the children. 

Visitation is a time that should allow the non custodial parent free time without input or demands from the other party.. Because of the vagueness of the current CO (currently waiting for hearing for modifications with detail and specific arrangements) BM uses it at time when the BF wants to spend time with the kids often times  using it like the a dangling carrot in front of the donkey.  If the he wants to visit with kids BM will agree and then several hours later the kids all of sudden have some place to be.. or if they stay the night then the phone call comes early the next morning wanting to know what time are they coming back they got a birthday to go to.  Often the excuses are so lame that its not worth making that attempt to see them outside the court ordered visitation..  when BM visitation comes about then there are always prearranged events to go to and most often it is only for the eldest child nothing ever for the younger ones.   Then the return often times yield backlash from BM based on eldest daughter reports with half truths.

The modification with have detailed times and dates not to mention a few of the suggestion you made as well.\

thanks!

The CO is so vague throughout which allows for play on wording especially when BM gets mad and wants to use it to her advantage to deny visitation. Below is the enitre order:

It would be in the best interest of the minor children that the parties share joint legal custody of their minor children and that their physical custody be arranged as follows:
a. From a week before public school begin in the Defendant's school district of residence (BM lived in another state at the time,but returned back to the same city within the year after CO were written) until two weeks after school is released for the summer, the minor children shall reside with the Defendant.

b. From two weels after the release of school for summer vacation until the week before school begins in the fall, the minor children shall reside with the plantiff.

c. The Defendant may have two weeks of consecutive vistation with the minor children during the summer months.

d. The Plantiff shall have the minor children for visitation during the minor children's spring and fall breaks. The Plantiff shall also have the minor children during the Christmas School Break, subject to the Defendant's right to visit with the children the weekend before Christmas and one day of the Christmas holiday on Christmas or Christmas Eve if she is celebrating this holiday in a convinent vcinity to the Plantiff's residence.

e. Tha parties may have additional visitation with the minor children during their non-custodial periods as the parties may arrange.


At the time this was written BM lived in IOWA and MH remained in Florida.  Bm returned to same city in Florida where MH lives about 8 months after this order was written, because BM had not establish residency in Iowa before the motion was filed the ordered were written in Florida.   Now that MH is enforcing the use of CO, BM uses the wording to alienate the children for seeing MH as well as reducing the amount of time he has for visitation. Bm also will also request to do activities or enroll children in programs and want MH to take them to practice or events during his vistation time.  When this doesnt happen BM becomes iriate and often time the kids will complain that it not fair they can't do the things she has told them they can do during MH visitation time.

Just wanting to follow the CO, but not loose time with children over a play on words. 

Custody Orders have wording that is often used by the BM to manipulate orders to her liking.. ex: From two weeks after school dismisses for the summer vacation until 1 week before school begins in the fall, the minor children shall reside with MH.  next follows  BM may have 2 weeks of consecutive vvisitation with the minor child during the summer months.  Our understanding is that the word shall means..  the court orders that this is to take place and the meaning of "may" is this is not court ordered and does not have to take place without being held in contempt of the order.

the court order is very vague and does not define visitation. can someone define visitation? do it always have to be an overnight stay or could it simply be a few hours each day?

Thanks!! I know it is confusing..  they both had their issues with drugs and drinking. 

You are confused.. This is how it got started couple met when BM moved to the south, BM convinced BF to move up North when the relationship went sorry and BF moved on while still up North BM took out CO with supervised visitation even following BF during his visits (situation was bad). BM got into legal trouble from his drinking moved back to the South with his family (child was 2 at this time).
BM moved back to the South maybe 3 years later in the same state,but in another county(town) that is about 15 minutes up the road.   She has threatening that she has lawyers in place up North is tries to see his child claiming he did mental damage to their child before BF left and all the things he put her through.. MF hasn't seen or spoken to the child since in left when she was two.
The child's siblings that leave in the same state and in the same county as the BF has had contact with the child and the child's BM, even to the point that the BM has driven to pick up the sibilings on several different occasions.  They recently told the BF and other family members that the child wants to see their father.

To make sure I understand this correctly because I happened to stumble on this which is something I have been looking for a while now.. MBL (Brother in Law) and his daughter's mother lived in another state where the CO was given.  She promised if he left the state she would not take out child support and would allow him to visit with the child.  If not she would seek full custody, MBH had no job and had been arrested for DWI.. That was over 8 years ago..
He returned to his home state and about 5 yrs ago so did the DM without letting him know.  She in fact moved so close to him and his family that she made her friend,who was married to his brother and her children lie to their father and others on knowing that she lived that close..
Now that both of them live in the same state but in different counties, can he file for a modificate of the CO in his home state for jurisdiction change.  DM allow the daughter's sibling to visit with her but made them promise not to tell but after seeing photos on FB, the family figured out that they were living in the same state. 
Sibiling have informed MBL that the daughter wants to see him but the mother is saying bad things about MBL and told the siblings not to talk about their father.
Any suggestion on what can be done?  Even if the daugher has to visit with the father's mother and have supervised visit..

Have you ever had any run ins with the SM?  What was the daughter's relationship with her father like before he married the SM?  Just wondering if something happened between the adults that not revealed that would cause such a harash cut off from the DD.

In recent months bm has been posting comments on facebook in reference to MH.  Recently BM claimed MH wouldn't negotiate to modify custody orders, when MH tried she barely responded and then without notice stopped responding later claiming she went to bed.  A family member gave their Facebook log in information that has allowed MH to see information he feels will support his case.  We have been able to print off photos and even got photos from her boyfriend's facebook page with him smoking marijuana.  In fact, MH confronted him about this which he admitted that he gets high. MH told him I not to do it in front of his kids.  the boyfriend  gets in the BM car and turns to the kids and ask do I get high in front of ya'll...  MH is furious that he would even ask a question of his kids like that.. He has asked his lawyer to call him in to court.  We even thought to bring our laptop to court and ask the judge to order the BM to pull up her facebook account in court