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Messages - 0717

I am going through the same thing and it is the most difficult thing that I could imagine. Slowly I am realizing that I need to see the positive in the situation's rather than indulge over the loss. It is true, it is a waste of energy to try and control things we know we have no control over.  I try and see it as at least my child is wanted and loved by both parents, as unfair as it may seem in our eyes, she has people who want her and want to shower her with love. As a mother, you typically know your child on a different level, especially if you were their primary caretaker.  Although there will be affects from separation, you have to ease it by keeping in constant contact with them and always make sure they know it will be okay. If they see you distressed, they will mirror your emotions. So if they see that everything is okay, the transitions and situation will be much easier for them. When I am with my daughter, I always ensure to be happy to show her things will are okay.  You have to stay strong and keep pushing forward for not only yourself, but for your children. Even if they are not with you at the moment, they will always need you. Stay strong and please feel free to message me if you need support from someone who is in your shoes.
I was mobilized when my daughter turned one. Her father was active duty and was not stable in anyway. While I was pregnant and had my daughter, I went to school full time, worked part time before my daughter was born, and I had to send him money while he was on active duty living in the barracks. I had to call or tell him to talk to her or at least see her and he did not financially support her at all. He was not ready to be a father so I did it alone. I was mobilized and left guardianship with his mother. I saw my daughter every holiday and had her with me for periods of two weeks when I could fly a family member out here to watch her. I saw her on skype or talked to her daily. 9 months into my mobilization, I was served with motions for temporary custody and permanent custody. I also later found out that he was awarded temporary custody through ex parte, the same day he filed.  Our court date has moved twice and I tried to put my own motion for temporary custody, but each time, the Judge wouldn't hear it because it would be a month from our new court date. I have evidence of everything I have done as far as support my daughter and his family, and my contact with my daughter. He had the same opportunities but only saw her for Christmas. My daughter was with me from Feb until recently. Her father finally got his stuff together and sent his mother to take her to him. My daughter just turned two years old and I spent a week out there to visit because I just got off of orders. I only saw her some of the days that I was there because her father took leave to spend with her. My daughter is still young and I was her primary caretaker, and the person she has the attachment to. Everybody, to include her father see's that. Now I thought the court system would see the evidence I bring to the table, but they only see that he is ready to be a father and wants time with her. She should be with me as primary residential custodian and have frequent visitations with him to maintain a relationship. Our Child Custody Investigator only spoke to me once and has spoken to him and his mother multiple times. She did not feel the need to contact me for follow up and immediately after speaking to them, she came to a recommendation without asking for evidence of anything they said. For example, he said he skyped with her everyday, on the contrary, during one of my visits I had to fix the computer and saw that there were blocks of weeks without him calling on skype. I know my daughter needs to be with me to mend the stability in our relationship. They say because she doesn't seem sad that she is fine being away from me. But because a child is not depressed, does not mean that it does not affect them. Now the CCI is going to recommend to the judge switch every four months between two very far states, one being Hawaii. I know the best for my child is to have stability after all she has been through and I can provide the stability she needs. Instead of her being in day care from 5 am to after 5 pm, she can be in my care and I have resources where I am, as her father does not in case of emergency. Unfortunately, if we go to court, the judge is highly likely to take the CCI's recommendation and that be it. I need resources or to figure out what to do? I left on involuntary mission and transition back home to losing my daughter to a parent who was not there and started procedures behind my back. I just need to know if there is more I can do or if this is it and I have to accept that the court systems are not fair. Unfortunately, the affects the courts cause, they will not have to deal with, the affects will be on my daughter to deal with and for me to watch helplessly as my hands are tied by this judicial system.