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Topics - asof2005

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DH picks up kids today from mom's.    10 year old SS tells dad that he was grounded by his step-dad yesterday.  The reason, he had no clean pants to wear.  I suppose the situation was that in the morning SS couldn't find pants to wear that he had not already worn at least twice.  Step-dad takes them to grandma's before school which is about 25 mins away.  Mom got mad looking for jeans, I guess this resulted in them being late.  So step-dad said he is grounded and staying home from school.  Step-dad brings younger SS to grandma's and later on find out it is a snow day anyway, so at least older SS wasn't kept from school because of the pants.  10 year old SS does not do his own laundry at mom's (neither does he here)  How is it that he is grounded for his mother not doing her job?  And to keep him home from school because of it?  Fortunately it was a snow day because he does not need to be kept home from school because of his mom's laziness.

My apologies, I suppose this a rant more than anything.  But I do believe it is excessive for the step-dad to ground a kid from school.  I have been with DH for 3 years longer than the step-dad has been around and I have never grounded the boys.  I have put them in their rooms for 20 mins or something like that, but never grounded, especially for something that was my or my husband's fault. 

I guess I will document if they keep them home from school for reasons such as these.

Visitation Issues / a little good news for once.
« on: Nov 17, 2009, 12:55:03 PM »
My DH had his parenting time evaluation today.  I guess it was more of a mediation between the two of them than the evaluator doing anything.  Their previous parenting time was only verbal and it was DH picked up kids 10am-2pm Saturday and returned the children 7:30pm.  But after her loss in court she started refusing to let the kids go at their agreed time and wouldn't let them call even if they asked.  The police could do nothing since it wasnt on paper.   She wanted parenting time to be 7pm on Saturday to after school on Tuesday.  Basically taking away a whole day.

The order is eow 10am on Saturday, and eow 4pm Saturday and left at 7:30pm on Tuesdays.  My husband and I are very happy with this.  The evaluator told BM that since it has been this way for so long (7 years)  that there is no point in changing it that drastically.

One small victory and now she cant withhold the children from us!

Father's Issues / talked with some lawyers
« on: Nov 13, 2009, 06:16:06 AM »
I spoke to two different lawyers about this stupid PPO problem.  The first was very interested and very informative and seemed interested in helping, but she told me to also talk to other attorneys.  The second seemed to think it was pointless to fight because it was our fault we missed the court date.  she also said they arent mailed out and that we were supposed to serve.  That is NOT what the PPO office told my husband, they said they would mail them out.  So now I am even more confused.  So, I am waiting on talking to a couple others and see if more say it is a fight or not.  Arghhh!!!!

Any one ever heard of getting a civil rights lawyer based on having rights taken away by a false PPO?  The hearing went on with not one request of validity of the accusations and the PPO was ordered to stay in place.  Now, the burden of proof lies on the petitioner and in this case the respondent has ample proof to counter the accusations.  Have already been in front of the judge on an appeal because of a missed first hearing (no letter was received with the original date.)  Do we wait to hire a lawyer until the PPO is up for review in February?   We would like to expose how PPOs and ROs are used as a tool during custody issues between parents.

Father's Issues / PPO stands, no proof given
« on: Nov 06, 2009, 07:49:28 AM »
Well, things did not go in our favor today.  The PPO stands but slightly modified, he has to stay 75 feet away from her but if they are at a school function or something, if he is there first, she cannot approach him to violate the order. 

I thought the judge was going to ask her to prove why she is in fear for her life?  I thought if DH said there were numerous untruths in the affidavit, that the judge would turn to her and ask her to prove why and what he has actually done.  He did none of this, the actual PPO was not looked over or points on it were never spoken about.  They just rushed them through it and he left.

DH is now planning on getting a lawyer for when the PPO expires in February.  We are worried she will make it permanent, and since she didn't even have to say anything , will they make her prove the things she said he has done?  She doesn't have incident reports, charges against him, nothing, and in the previous 14 years before she lost in court, there was never a domestic disturbance or accusation.  (Except when she hit him twice and he just left instead of calling the police).  Basically, I thought for the order to stand she had the burden of proof and just her saying whatever she wants wouldn't be enough for a final decision.

When my DH and the BM went in for their child support evaluation, she was not working (she chooses not to work).  They couldn't fit their unusual circumstances into their formula so they said if she was working, she would be making $/hr.  Now the amount they put her at was just above minimum wage.  She has certification to work in certain fields, and has made more than that amount the random time or two she has had a job in the past 3 years.  they both have physical and legal custody.  it is also based off of him with 183 overnights and her having 182 overnights.  is there something not quite right with them giving her that job and amount and that he has them more than her and he still has to pay her support?

Father's Issues / parenting time evaluation questionnaire
« on: Oct 17, 2009, 12:10:47 PM »
My DH and BM both requested a motion for parenting time.  I think they both thought it would be a mediation, and if they couldn't agree, it would go in front of a ref or judge.  They're current schedule has been agreed upon verbally for over 4 years.  They both want it in writing now.

My question is, it is a full questionnaire, and then they will have an interview with an evaluator for what it says anywhere from 2-4 hours.  The questionnaire is kind of odd in my opinion.  While DH will have no trouble answering the questions about his relationship with the children and how things go in our home, how is he supposed to answer the questions about what is going on with the BM while they are with her?  It asks what her relationship with the children is and what her parenting style is.  Is he supposed to answer this based on how it was back when they were together, or is he supposed to just assume what it is currently?  I don't understand how this can be done honestly.  We both know that her parenting style changes upon who she is living with at the moment.  It goes from being super involved, to not caring unless they are going to court, from no rules at all, to unreasonable rules out of no where.  Is he supposed to put that down, or would that look like mud slinging?  And what of the relationship with the children.  She didn't participate in mostof their school events and only went to 3 of their combined 30 athletic games.  I mean, that is what we can actually witness, we dont know what goes on the home.

Ok, bottom line question is how to answer those questions about her?  If I could answer them myself, I would say she loves her kids, but doesn't care about them.  Her parenting style changes, yearly, monthly, daily....  I know that is unreasonable to put down....

General Issues / What can we do?
« on: Oct 06, 2009, 01:16:13 PM »
I'll try to keep this short.  BM filed ex parte PPO on DH on Sept 2 after she lost in court.  Afidavit is full of lies, the only truthful thing on it is her name.  DH had 10 days to respond and he did.  At the courthouse they did not give him a copy of what he filed, they said they would send it.  We never received anything.  The last week or so I had been wondering about it and another motion that he filed, it seemed to be taking a long time.  We have every letter from court, friend of court, every receipt, everything pertaining to his kids and their mother.

Today he received a letter stating that his motion was denied and the PPO is to stay in place.  The reason is that she showed up and he did not show up.  This was supposed to have happened on September 22.  We never got a letter.  Both of us are more than 100% positive.  This was so important to us, this will effect the kids in school and their extracurricular activities, etc.  What can we possibly do? 

General Issues / really confused...
« on: Oct 02, 2009, 12:38:56 PM »
Just trying to understand something

How can someone file a PPO against someone on completely unfounded or un-proven statements and the person whom the PPO is against has his rights taken from them?  Rights like where they can be and buying or owning a gun?  I would understand if there was a trial or even an arrest along with the PPO, but how can there just be statements and all of a sudden your rights are stripped?  isnt this unconstitional without a trial or even being in front of a judge personally?

Second Families / financial aid, step-kids
« on: Sep 07, 2009, 06:18:42 PM »
if my husband claims his two children and we file jointly, would i be able to get financial aid for school  based on having two kids, even though they are my step kids?

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