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DH picks up kids today from mom's.    10 year old SS tells dad that he was grounded by his step-dad yesterday.  The reason, he had no clean pants to wear.  I suppose the situation was that in the morning SS couldn't find pants to wear that he had not already worn at least twice.  Step-dad takes them to grandma's before school which is about 25 mins away.  Mom got mad looking for jeans, I guess this resulted in them being late.  So step-dad said he is grounded and staying home from school.  Step-dad brings younger SS to grandma's and later on find out it is a snow day anyway, so at least older SS wasn't kept from school because of the pants.  10 year old SS does not do his own laundry at mom's (neither does he here)  How is it that he is grounded for his mother not doing her job?  And to keep him home from school because of it?  Fortunately it was a snow day because he does not need to be kept home from school because of his mom's laziness.

My apologies, I suppose this a rant more than anything.  But I do believe it is excessive for the step-dad to ground a kid from school.  I have been with DH for 3 years longer than the step-dad has been around and I have never grounded the boys.  I have put them in their rooms for 20 mins or something like that, but never grounded, especially for something that was my or my husband's fault. 

I guess I will document if they keep them home from school for reasons such as these.

My DH had his parenting time evaluation today.  I guess it was more of a mediation between the two of them than the evaluator doing anything.  Their previous parenting time was only verbal and it was DH picked up kids 10am-2pm Saturday and returned the children 7:30pm.  But after her loss in court she started refusing to let the kids go at their agreed time and wouldn't let them call even if they asked.  The police could do nothing since it wasnt on paper.   She wanted parenting time to be 7pm on Saturday to after school on Tuesday.  Basically taking away a whole day.

The order is eow 10am on Saturday, and eow 4pm Saturday and left at 7:30pm on Tuesdays.  My husband and I are very happy with this.  The evaluator told BM that since it has been this way for so long (7 years)  that there is no point in changing it that drastically.

One small victory and now she cant withhold the children from us!

I spoke to two different lawyers about this stupid PPO problem.  The first was very interested and very informative and seemed interested in helping, but she told me to also talk to other attorneys.  The second seemed to think it was pointless to fight because it was our fault we missed the court date.  she also said they arent mailed out and that we were supposed to serve.  That is NOT what the PPO office told my husband, they said they would mail them out.  So now I am even more confused.  So, I am waiting on talking to a couple others and see if more say it is a fight or not.  Arghhh!!!!

Any one ever heard of getting a civil rights lawyer based on having rights taken away by a false PPO?  The hearing went on with not one request of validity of the accusations and the PPO was ordered to stay in place.  Now, the burden of proof lies on the petitioner and in this case the respondent has ample proof to counter the accusations.  Have already been in front of the judge on an appeal because of a missed first hearing (no letter was received with the original date.)  Do we wait to hire a lawyer until the PPO is up for review in February?   We would like to expose how PPOs and ROs are used as a tool during custody issues between parents.

Well, things did not go in our favor today.  The PPO stands but slightly modified, he has to stay 75 feet away from her but if they are at a school function or something, if he is there first, she cannot approach him to violate the order. 

I thought the judge was going to ask her to prove why she is in fear for her life?  I thought if DH said there were numerous untruths in the affidavit, that the judge would turn to her and ask her to prove why and what he has actually done.  He did none of this, the actual PPO was not looked over or points on it were never spoken about.  They just rushed them through it and he left.

DH is now planning on getting a lawyer for when the PPO expires in February.  We are worried she will make it permanent, and since she didn't even have to say anything , will they make her prove the things she said he has done?  She doesn't have incident reports, charges against him, nothing, and in the previous 14 years before she lost in court, there was never a domestic disturbance or accusation.  (Except when she hit him twice and he just left instead of calling the police).  Basically, I thought for the order to stand she had the burden of proof and just her saying whatever she wants wouldn't be enough for a final decision.

When my DH and the BM went in for their child support evaluation, she was not working (she chooses not to work).  They couldn't fit their unusual circumstances into their formula so they said if she was working, she would be making $/hr.  Now the amount they put her at was just above minimum wage.  She has certification to work in certain fields, and has made more than that amount the random time or two she has had a job in the past 3 years.  they both have physical and legal custody.  it is also based off of him with 183 overnights and her having 182 overnights.  is there something not quite right with them giving her that job and amount and that he has them more than her and he still has to pay her support?

My DH and BM both requested a motion for parenting time.  I think they both thought it would be a mediation, and if they couldn't agree, it would go in front of a ref or judge.  They're current schedule has been agreed upon verbally for over 4 years.  They both want it in writing now.

My question is, it is a full questionnaire, and then they will have an interview with an evaluator for what it says anywhere from 2-4 hours.  The questionnaire is kind of odd in my opinion.  While DH will have no trouble answering the questions about his relationship with the children and how things go in our home, how is he supposed to answer the questions about what is going on with the BM while they are with her?  It asks what her relationship with the children is and what her parenting style is.  Is he supposed to answer this based on how it was back when they were together, or is he supposed to just assume what it is currently?  I don't understand how this can be done honestly.  We both know that her parenting style changes upon who she is living with at the moment.  It goes from being super involved, to not caring unless they are going to court, from no rules at all, to unreasonable rules out of no where.  Is he supposed to put that down, or would that look like mud slinging?  And what of the relationship with the children.  She didn't participate in mostof their school events and only went to 3 of their combined 30 athletic games.  I mean, that is what we can actually witness, we dont know what goes on the home.

Ok, bottom line question is how to answer those questions about her?  If I could answer them myself, I would say she loves her kids, but doesn't care about them.  Her parenting style changes, yearly, monthly, daily....  I know that is unreasonable to put down....

I'll try to keep this short.  BM filed ex parte PPO on DH on Sept 2 after she lost in court.  Afidavit is full of lies, the only truthful thing on it is her name.  DH had 10 days to respond and he did.  At the courthouse they did not give him a copy of what he filed, they said they would send it.  We never received anything.  The last week or so I had been wondering about it and another motion that he filed, it seemed to be taking a long time.  We have every letter from court, friend of court, every receipt, everything pertaining to his kids and their mother.

Today he received a letter stating that his motion was denied and the PPO is to stay in place.  The reason is that she showed up and he did not show up.  This was supposed to have happened on September 22.  We never got a letter.  Both of us are more than 100% positive.  This was so important to us, this will effect the kids in school and their extracurricular activities, etc.  What can we possibly do? 

Just trying to understand something

How can someone file a PPO against someone on completely unfounded or un-proven statements and the person whom the PPO is against has his rights taken from them?  Rights like where they can be and buying or owning a gun?  I would understand if there was a trial or even an arrest along with the PPO, but how can there just be statements and all of a sudden your rights are stripped?  isnt this unconstitional without a trial or even being in front of a judge personally?

if my husband claims his two children and we file jointly, would i be able to get financial aid for school  based on having two kids, even though they are my step kids?

can a notarized letter be used in place of a physical witness?

if you fight a PPO and win based on the fact that is is lies, will the person who wrote the affidavit get in trouble for lying or will they just ignore it?

My husband just won in court on August 28th to keep his children in their current school district.  My husband's schedule is Saturday 10am-2pm through Tuesday when he drops them back at mom's at about 7:30pm.  This has been their schedule for more than 4 years.  August 29th, BM would not let the children leave with him and both BM and my husband called the cops.  There is no visitation order so the cops couldnt make the kids come with my husband.  That same day BM"S husband threatened my husband and put his fist up to him without actually striking.  He has done this type of stuff in the past. 

Tuesday BM came to pick up the boys early.  My husband said no, its not time.  She told him she would hold him in contempt of court (which she cant do, no order).  Later that night my husband called her to say she could pick them up, she refused.

Wednesday we took the boys to their school;s open house.  She called and said if we arent at home at 5:15 she is calling for kidnapping.  He told her we were at the open house and it could be 5:15 or 5:45.  She got pissed and hung up.  We arrived home at 5:25, she was not there waiting.  No one would answer any of their phone numbers.  Scott called the cops to ask what he should do since he was afraid of her husband making conflict if he went over there.  The police said he has done nothing wrong and that he should not bring them over.  Finally the oldest son got a hold of BM and she said she wasnt going to pick them up.

She picked them up on Thursday morning with no incident.

Today, Friday, she has served him with a PPO.  It says stalking and that she is afraid of him.  She lies on almost every statement on this form.  Her husband also made a statement and lied too.  We can prove some of the details, she cannot prove any of them.  It is illegal to lie on an affidavit, correct?  What can we do about this?  My husband made a complaint against the husband months ago and on Wednesday when he called the police he told that officer he had been threatened.  BM and husband are saying that we are doing it.  Can we prove that she is lying?  OR that she is doing this because she is mad and trying to get back at him?

sorry, i think this is more of a rant than anything....


My husband's BM recently got married to a man she had know for less than a year.  He is not involved with the kids, he doesn't barely even know them.   The problem is, he thinks he is involved in their disputes.  First of all, she has probably never told him the truth about all the stuff she has put my husband's children through.  Now my husband and BM are in a pretty nasty dispute, she lost in court against him recently and is very pissed.  what upsets me is that BM's husband thinks this is his fight.  He gets all crazy when we pick up the kids, he has threatened my husband more than once.   I on the other hand, have been sitting by my husband's side for 4 years silently.  Of course i talk shit with my husband.  But I have NEVER in 4 years said a bad word to her to her face or over the phone.  I NEVER talk bad about her around the kids or to the kids.  I always just tell them that i want whats best for them and for them to be happy.

do we just have to deal with his ridiculous behaviour?  My husband has called the police once to make a complaint.  But technically the step-dad has never hit my husband, just threatened, and screams and calls bad names.  I think he is just trying to defend his wife's honor or something macho like that, but I think he is completely out of hand, and I do not want the kids to witness him putting his fists up at their father.  It just makes me so mad, because obviously if he is going to behave this way, he clearly doesnt care about his new step-children.....

does anyone else have to deal with this?

My husband and his boys' BM have had a verbal visitation agreement for 4 years straight, and while they were seperated on and off  3 years before that.  It has is as follows.  Dad picks up boys between 10am and 2pm every saturday and drops boys off at about 7:30pm every Tuesday.  This has gone on without much of a hitch the entire time.  (she has called the cops twice when she was pregnant, but the cops always let the children leave with their father.)

Now she is married and has a new attitude.  She just lost in court against my husband over her trying to switch them schools for the 7th time for the 5th grader.  The court ordered the children to stay in their current school district (which is the one she put them in one year ago, about a week before she met her new husband, now she wants them where she is living for the moment).  Anyway, she got mad and wouldnt let them go with him the following Saturday.  The cops couldnt let the children go with us because they have no court document because they have always followed the verbal agreement.    So we left and she eventually dropped them off later on Saturday. 

My husband wrote up an paper for her to sign with their normal agreement.  She refused and left.  (the cops cant make them go with her from our house for the same reason they couldnt go with us)   THen she told us that they are going to file a contempt of court against my husband tomorrow.  The only problem i believe with that is that they have no paper work court papers or other that have their visitation written down.  So there fore, in my mind, he is in no violation of any court document.  Also,  the only paperwork that they have that has to do with visitation, is his order for child support which states they both have physical and legal custody and he has them for 183 nights a year and she has 182 nights.  So technically, their verbal agreement she has been getting more time.

So anyway, I am wondering if she can really get him arrested when there is no visitation paperwork?