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that is usually handled as part of the divorce judgment.  Are you divorced yet?

Everything remains status quo until you stop paying child support

all is well that ends well!  My 12 year old explained to me this evening that he understood that his mom was playing games and did not appreciate it and it was not appropriate for her to act that way.  At this point, my boys have her number. The more games she plays and the more pain she causes is eventually going to cause a  problem for her relationship with them.  It's too bad but no matter what I say her sole focus is to hurt me.  These last couple of episodes (the molestation accusations, not signing them up for soccer, and a few others have opened my boy's eyes even more) 

I used to feel like I was doing the wrong thing by showing them many of the e-mail exchanges between her and me to prove to them that I did not say or do what they came to believe from her.  Now I am so happy I have.  My relationship with them is much stronger because they know for a fact that I don't lie to them. I don't try to hurt them, and I try my best to work it out with their mom without involving them.

I'm so happy and relieved that I seem to getting past the point of her being able to alienate them from me which she so much wanted to do.

This episode just cemented it for me!

that won't work as she has made sure that they will feel uncomfortable because I'm bringing them.  I'm just going to explain to them that plans were made and in the future, I am happy to switch time with mom she just needs to do it in a time frame that I can accommodate her.  Furthermore, I will be canceling an entire weekend with friends for a few hours. 

She sent me another email last night saying my 12-year-old was asking to go a few more times.  That said he did not bring it up with me when I called him to say good night yesterday.

I could make it happen however I had already planned a camping trip to go away with one of his and his brother's friends and their family.  The campsite is a 2-hour drive so geographically there is no way I could make this work without an extra 4 hours ride.   I would have to cancel that trip in order to drop the boys off with their mother for 4 hours.  She refuses to exchange weekends.  I'm hoping they will forget but this topic seems to be one that they hold onto.  BTW there was absolutely no way he was going to find out about this one because he does not hang out with these friends unless there is a party which only happens once or twice a year.


The problem in this case with a vague answer is that my ex-choose to tell my boys about the party and have them ask me instead of coming to me first.  I know my boys are upset about missing the party because they did not answer my call last night to say goodnight.

All that said I do think they will understand more once we meet up with their friends and I explain that the trip would have to have been canceled. 

Now my ex is trying to put the shoe on the other foot so to speak.  Last night as I was saying goodnight to my 12-year-old he asked me if he could attend an annual summer party next Saturday during my time.  I explained to him that it would be best for his mother and I to work it out.  he then pushed a little.  I think I may have gone too far in my explanation.  I told him that we already had plans, he asked what they were, I told him, he then asked again if he could go to the party.  I asked him how he found out about the party.  He told me his mother told him.  I explained that he would not have known about the party unless his mother told him so he would not feel like he was missing anything.  I then explained to him that I would need to work it out with his mother and that it is not appropriate for her or I to tell him or his brothers about plans they may miss on weekends and reminded him that this is not something I have done nor intend to do.   Needless to say, there was a long email string between her and I with me trying to change weekends, her smugly refusing knowing the boys would be upset with me. 

my boys have long memories and for things they want to have memories of.  My fear is they will selectively choose to remember that I keep them from attending activities such as this.  This whole thing is making me very angry, saddened, and guilty at the same time.

We do have plans to go camping with some of their friends and she is trying to manipulate time that I spend with the boys.  Make them upset at me and exercise control.

Any and all advice is much appreciated.

Thanks for the advice.  FYI - 8 year old has an IPOD with Facetime when he is connected to the internet

So I'm on vacation with my 3 boys.  My ex-face timed my 8-year-old and saw that his cousin was tickling him.  She texted all three of my boys and told them their uncle should not be tickling them.  My eldest texted her back and let her know it was a joke and that it was his cousin not his uncle.  Fast forward to this morning all three boys get a long text about how tickling is inappropriate and that their uncle should not be tickling them.  My 8-year-old texts her back and says he was not tickled by his uncle.  she texts him and tells him to stop lying his father plus a bunch of stuff how she can't protect him because he is not with her

Meanwhile, I e-mail her and tell he no such thing happened.  she sends me a long string about how I am enabling molestation by ignoring it etc. etc.  I send back I will not entertain her false accusations and she needs to stop doing this to our children.

My concern is she is going to try to involve child services.  I have copies of all the texts and my boys know it's b.s.
At this point, I feel that she has gone too far by texting our children that I am lying to them and details on her concerns about them being molested.

I have a call with an attorney tomorrow to see what my options are.  Wondering if it's necessary.

 

Crazy update - So my ex. wanted to know my travel plans flights etc.  I told her it was none of her business which it is not.  She threatened to not exchange the boys.  I gave in, she still said they could not come. I had to tell the boys.  They gave her hell.  She then decided they could go to my house the next day and stay an extra two weeks.  Now I'm on vacation, extended my stay and she e-mails me telling me to meet her on the regular schedule two weeks early or she will call the police.  I say go ahead let me know which department so I can send them the e-mails where you give them to me for the extra time. No answer as suspected.  Then she is on facetime with my youngest and sees his 16-year-old cousin tickling him and accuses him of molesting him.  Thankfully my older one is in the room and tells her via text to cut the crap out.

Thanks for the great advice - one day at a time!