Messages

Does BM take care of the kids?  Do they have electric, heat (even in FL I would assume heat is needed at some point), food, clothes?  Do they spend regular time with your DH?  Are they enrolled in school and going on a regular basis?

If so, then she is doing the best she can.  Sure, you (meaning your DH, not you as stepmom) could talk to her and voice your concerns.  But that doesn't mean that she is obligated to move.  

It's hard to know that things are difficult and even dangerous, but when they are with their mom some things really are out of your control.  The kids should be talked to for safety measures to take, safe houses, phone numbers, etc.  

To remove them from BM, you'll need to have more tangible evidence of neglect and her being unfit than what you've got here.

Good luck!

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dsm - 37; DH - 41; SD - 18; LO - 12; BB - 5
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It's time for me to do for me and mine.  The others can worry about themselves for awhile.

I do, however, think that your presumption is late in the game.

okay, your ex misinterpreted to you when she was leaving which meant you lost Sunday with the kids.

She also could have taken the proactive stance and said that the kids stay with you during her honeymoon week.  However, you could have also taken the proactive stance that you intend to keep the kids during that week - or arrange in advance for the daily arrangement that you have laid out here.

You have every right and should take every opportunity to spend the quality time with your boys.  All I'm saying is for you to act ahead of time next time - not when there is an assumed schedule that then is changing at the last minute and without opportunity for both sides to agree.  I hope that makes sense.  It doesn't have to be such a fight.



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dsm - 37; DH - 41; SD - 18; LO - 12; BB - 5
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It's time for me to do for me and mine.  The others can worry about themselves for awhile.

You admit that you are not able to keep them for the entire week, correct?  And that your parenting plan as it is currently written would have then had you seeing your boys 2 nights out of this week, correct?

You also stated if I believe that you don't have any problem with them staying with the gparents while you are at work.  

Your issue seems to be that you want to be able to pick them up every day after work for a few hours and then return them for their bedtime and night with the g-parents.

Did you know your ex was going to be gone all week?  Did you request to keep the boys?  Did you request for them to be available to you every day after work for a few hours?

If you did not do that, then IMHO I think you are off base with your expectation of what should be happening this week.

It is presumptuous of you to expect the g-parents to be at your beck and call when it is not something that has been coordinated ahead of time.  They are staying at your ex's house under the presumption that the boys will be with them - and probably that you would be getting them on Monday and Wednesday, following the court order.  You coming in to demand "your time" with them isn't helping.

I think you should let them be where they are.  The g-parents have been generous in allowing you time with the boys.  They are not a party in your parenting plan and are under the direction of what your ex has left for them.   Unless you made other arrangements, you also need to operate by the direction of the court order.  Their arguing the right of first refusal is a result of your insistence that they abide by it; and unless they have notice stating such and such is supposed to happen, I wouldn't abide by it either.  Again, JMHO.

Also, the advice you receive out here really cannot be taken as an absolute - unless a poster who responds has been retained and posseses legal training for your particular state, county, etc, their suggestions are simply that - suggestions, opinions, and sharing of what worked/didn't work for their own situations.  Be careful with how you take and use the advice - double check with your own lawyer and laws before you act.

Good luck!

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dsm - 37; DH - 41; SD - 18; LO - 12; BB - 5
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It's time for me to do for me and mine.  The others can worry about themselves for awhile.

You know very well the drill.  Document, document, document.  Keep receipts.  Record everything.  Take pictures.  Keep the damaging emails and blogs.  File emergency motion.  

Is the attorney same one as you used years ago?   If not, be sure you trust him/her to work things hard.

Feel for the baby and your DS.  

Catch me up......

you can check me out on myspace too - email me and I'll send more info.




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dsm - 37; DH - 40; SD - 18; LO - 12; BB - 4
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It's time for me to do for me and mine.  The others can worry about themselves for awhile.

There are ways to get around all of this, but it will take alot of legwork via telephone and letter-writing.

Do y'all carry the insurance?  If so, request explanation of benefit forms from the carrier and search them out for the providers.

Schools are reluctant to get involved in custody issues.  They want to remain a neutral party.  Forward them a copy of the court order (bet she hasn't done that) which clearly states that shared legal custody.  use the letters from here and call and arrange a meeting (via telephone if necessary) with the principal.  If that doesn't work, take it to the superintendent.  You have rights.  Use them.

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dsm - 36; DH - 40; SD - 17; LO - 11; BB - 4
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh
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Congratulations to both you and  your son!

Snoopy dance of old coming out.....

:)

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dsm - 36; DH - 40; SD - 17; LO - 11; BB - 4
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh
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Hi.  We're from WI as well and played the CPS game as well.  It took a long, long time, but it worked.

First of all, I am so sorry for what the kids are going through and the stress and heartache this is causing  your DH as well as you.  I am assuming your DH shares legal custody, with his ex having primary placement, yes?  Is there any order stating that your DH cannot have access to records?  Okay, then.   Get ready for a bunch of groundwork and documentation that needs to be put in place on your end.   I also need to say that I am not a lawyer and am only giving advice based on what worked for us, and do not make any promise this will work for you and strongly urge you to discuss tactics with a lawyer.

The kids attend public school?  Do you have a relationship with teachers/guidance counselors?  If not, get one.  The school year is only a few weeks away.

Get the kids talking - do this by reassuring them that you love them, and that they are not to blame for what is/has happened to them.  They need to tell another adult - preferably a teacher who will be required to report what they talk about.  Develop a relationship via email or telephone/fax with their teachers.  The 15 yearold may be more difficult given high school and number of teachers involved, but it can be done.  Keep the relationship about being concerned for their educational experience.  Do not accuse or insinuate anything about their other home - simply state that communication with their mom is strained and that you are wanting to be involved in their education and want to be kept in the loop with grades, performances, conferences, field trips, projects, etc.  If you want, I can find letters and other correspondence that we used with my SD's teachers, doctors, and even CPS agents.  It is important that the school, doctor, etc do not feel that they are being put in the middle - they need to be a truly objective participant.  They need to be able to see that you are operating in the kids' best interest alone - not out of vindictiveness or anything else.   A teacher was our greatest ally and finally got CPS to listen and do something in our case.  Every year it was a new beginning and the paper trail had to get restarted all over again.  Every new school (which were many) had its own obstacles to overcome.  Be very friendly to the school secretary - she is probably who will mail your information and report cards to you as well as keep you updated on what is happening in the school.  You need her to be in your corner and say that you are cooperative.

Documentation.   You will hear it time and time and post and post again all over this site.  Document til you are not sure your fingers will work anymore.  Can you record phone calls?  WI is a one party state; not sure what TX is.  Record your conversations with the kids, with the ex, with law enforcement, all of it.  

There's alot to do, and it can be overwhelming.  You have to be diligent and you have to remain strong.   Get a copy of CPS records - yes, this is fully doable.  You will be surprised at what you will find.  My SD's file was over 2 inches thick with neighbor reportings, school reportings, doctor reportings.....it made us sick when we got it.  

Don't pay any more money to advocacy groups who obviously are not working for you - they just want your money.  

Biggest thing is to just keep going - one day at at time; sometimes one hour at a time.  But just keep going.

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dsm - 36; DH - 40; SD - 17; LO - 11; BB - 4
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh
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Have your ducks in a row with respect to you having primary custody, child support, suggested parenting time for her....counseling if you feel it is warranted...


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dsm - 36; DH - 40; SD - 17; LO - 11; BB - 4
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh
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It's been a long fight and you knew one day this would happen.  I'm very happy for you and now maybe your SS will be able to relax and enjoy his life.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
 
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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

So glad to see you post.....but now don't get lost again, okay!!!???

So sorry to hear of your brother.  It is a difficult road that you have traveled, but - look where you are now - still kicking, right?  :)


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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh