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Messages - Cookiemomma4

#21
The evaluation was court ordered by the custody master at the original hearing.  The county sends everything through their children and youth office, but apparently the evaluator does not work for them?  That is what she told us anyway.  
We are not so worried about little lies...but it does show a pattern of lieing and covering up the truth (which is why we see the brother as an issue, also, he is a fugitive that has made contact and we don't know if he is in the area or not.  If it isn't an issue then why deny it that he even exists?  See  how we are looking at it?)  ...and there was no fact finding done in this evaluation.  It is like the woman just took statements and we could have said the sky is purple and she would have typed it up as a fact for us...that indeed the sky around our home is purple...does that make sense?
This was a very odd evaluation.  She didn't ask for collatoral witnesses or anything.  She said that anything that we would want to cover at a trial had to be presented at the time of the evaluation.  This is why we layed everything out, but as the weeks pass on we are gathering more.  We were offering her paperwork on everything (medical records, school documentation, births, divorce, paternity, bills, pictures, certified letters, ect...if it was in our part of the evaluation we has some sort of supporting documentation).  She looked over parts of it and asked for a copy of one physical that appears to be forged or at the very least shows her primary care docs incopotince (sp?) but didn't get anything from the opposing side or look into the situation.  Opposing parties stated that she say a doc regularly while in their care and that she was not sick ect.  We have numerous documents that show differently.  Nothing from them.
My big issue is also the no recommendation...it seems like we gave a hefty chunk of money for there to be no outcome to it.  We could have typed up our own statements for free and such.   Although our other concern is that if there does come a conclusion based on this evaluation, it is not based on facts (at least not ones coming from the apposing side).
Anyway, thank you for your input.  I think I will go to Soc after his vacation.  It is just so frustrating right now!
#22
You are responsible to pay as long as they have not been adopted by someone else.  
Now, onto my questions...did you have a custody order in place?  What is your current status regaurding the children or your relationship with her?
If you didn't and you weren't married, then you may have not had any rights to begin with which is a sad situation to say the least (but I will save my issues with the family court system for another time).  If you had an order, then things can go very smoothy...you simply go to the courts where the order was originally filed and you file contempt charges against her.  Obviously you have access to the internet so you can figure out how to do this on your own (or at your local law library...or even public library).  This is what we were told to do when we found my ex-husband's children and then the district atty may choose to file kidnapping charges (yes, I would also be giving them a call and let them know of your situation, although they may choose to do nothing since you have waited so long to take action...I do hope that you have some kind of proof that you have been trying to contact them).  If you don't have rights or an original order, then your first step would be to find them...which I will get to now...
You don't need a private investigator and things to find them.  You should have some basic information on her and your children right?  If you have a SS# or 2 and a previous address you can use an online search for them and you would be very surprised at what you can find.  We used //www.usasearch.com when we found my ex's kids.  They were located within 48 hours complete with phone #'s.  It cost us less than $50 for a full report!  Another avenue that may work for you is to file for a modification of your child support...there would be a hearing that she would have to attend in one way or another and information would be updated OR she wouldn't attend and you would argue that, although you love your children and would love to see them and support them and  since there is no contact and she obviously isn't concerned enough to show that you would like the order either terminated or rediculously reduced.  From there you might have more resources to find them and go from there.  
My SO wants my to also mention here that you should take your time and do your research before you step foot in the county offices to file for anything (it is not like the time will matter as it has already been over 6 years).  Basically know what you are talking about, and know the laws that are working for you or against you as that is the only way to dispute or assert them.
The next question is what will you do once they are found?  How old are they?  You may have an uphill battle at that time if they are old enough to have their voices heard or if you have no proof that you have been trying to contact.
Good luck and keep us posted here as we learn from one another...plus it is always nice to hear that there is some outcome...
#23
I feel stupid here because we never thought that it would go like this.  What do you do when a parent just lies lies lies in an evaluation?   Do we bring it up at a trial?  Do we call that parents lawyer and call them on it?  Do we call the evaluator?  
We are confused with the whole evaluation process to begin with because we just got the report (5 days from the max time allowed for us to recieve the report from it) and there is no recommendation in it at all.  It just seems like a collection of statements.  So now, not only did it tip our hand to what we were planning on bringging to trial if it went that far because we were told that we had to bring all of our concerns to the table (not that we did though because the evaluator had some time constraints on us so we just hit the high points), but it also appears to be useless because there is no EVALUATION of the situation shown.  Then, we read through it and the other parent lied...about stupid things.  She says she has 3 brothers...she has 4 (she failed to mention the one that is an escaped convict on the run...who we can prove has contacted her BTW), she lied about doc visits (she said that they happened while we have documention that doesn't show it at all), she lied about the boyfriends criminal record (we have a PFA that was placed on him by his ex-wife that states that he has a criminal record...we are researching exactly what that is but he has one none the less).  We are dumbfounded and not sure where to turn with this or what the proper protocol is.
We were told that we would get the report and either both parties would come to an agreement based on the evaluation or it would go to trial.  There was nothing stated about truthfulness or anything really...I know that if we disagreed with the outcome we could dispute that at the time of a trial but it seems there is not an outcome to dispute which is why we are so confused...can anyone help?
#24
And  this is supposed to help the rest of us how?  We learn from one another here...I am sure you know this.   So, what could you have done differently short of hiring a lawyer (because frankly, there are some of us here who can't afford a lawyer and are doing pretty darn well on our own).  What would you have done the same?  What do you think your lawyer could have done differnetly for you?
#25
Well, this could just be me, but what I would do about it would mostly depend on how much time he spends there.  For example, my son may sleep over at his father's home once a month maybe.  I don't care if he has a place for him.  Now if it were a night or more a week I would care.  I personally believe that if this is the only issue, it is not a biggie at all if it is in the NCP household (other than the fact that the child will feel like a visitor which is a shame in his own parent's home).  It is a matter of picking your battles on this one.  I might send a certified letter mild letter making him aware of the law and leave it at that.  If there are other issues then I would bring this up in court along with the other issues... If it is the custodial parent, then there are a few different ways of approaching it and I don't see any of them as "pretty,"  although I can only imagine that a custodial parent without proper room for a child would have MANY other issues that could lead into bringing this into court.
#26
You need to read your states child welfare information...but as a generic answer, yes it is required for overnight visits.  A child must have private space and their own bed and space for their personal items.  They can certainly share a room with another child or a parent as long as they are of the same sex, there is enough floor space, and the age difference between children is not too great.  They must also have a place to store their clothing.
This can be gotten around by saying that the bedroom is the child's and the parent sleeps on the couch or floor in the living room.  If there is a chest of drawers anywhere in the residence for the child that is covered as well (it doesn't have to be in the bedroom).
#27
General Issues / RE: Have you heard of this site?
Apr 30, 2006, 04:32:23 AM
Oh, we have found the ex's sites on myspace...and xanga...and livejournal too!  Unfortunately after retaining a lawyer she said she was "moving" to a new site and we have yet to find her yet. Very interesting stuff can be found on the net!
#28
General Issues / RE: falsely accused
Mar 28, 2006, 07:01:38 AM
Congrats and thanks for sharing!  Usually only the negative is heard, but this gives hope to those of us who are still trying for that first breakthrough.  God Bless!
#29
General Issues / here in PA...
Mar 28, 2006, 06:56:47 AM
After you can prove that you tried to collect the money (by sending certified letters requesting it), you can ask Domestic Relations to try to collect the amount (at least here in Lehigh County).  Basically all they will do it tack it onto the owed support, but hey at least it is something right?  Well, alright, when they already owe you more than $5,000 it isn't much...but at least there is some accountability.  Small claims court is another option available and I know there is a way of attatching wages if you win your case and they still don't pay.  Plus this way they are also responsible for the fees and such.  Good luck!
#30
Second Families / RE: New question on myspace
Jun 02, 2006, 07:17:47 AM
Well, to me, that would be the purpose of the screen shots.  If allowed her BM can still go on there and see that the page that you "shot a pic of" is your SD page (see address line which is particular to an individual myspace acct.)  She can also clearly see that the page is now private as things are missing.  I don't think it is such a leap for any parent to think that their child might be wising up a bit on how to hide these things.  Also, you might want to suggest that possibly someone else found the pages and one of the other children was "busted"...this is probably what got them started on making things "friends only" which is what it sounds like they did.  OR some school districts are searching these sites to more clearly identify who and where their problems are.  It may just be that Mom has already gotten the news but has not seen what was really there.  I would go ahead with the plans as you can not easily fabricate or edit a screen shot.