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DH spoke to his children tonight (dd 14, ds 12, ds 7) and was asking about camps etc they wanted to attend this summer. The 12 year old asked for less time with Dad (he currently gets 10 weeks with the boys and 5 with daughter) as that is what his sister got 2 years ago after court. DH said, 1) you are not your sisiter, 2) the Judge made that decision and I didn't agree with it, and 3) I am the parent I get to make the decisions and I want more time with you.

The killer is son's next comment to Dad was F you and some other expletives and he hung up on DH. Then DH tried to call back an no answer. The kicker is that the entire family was in the car, Mom and step-Dad included. They allowed him to be this disprespectful to his Dad.

I knew the summer time was going to be another battle like 2 years ago with DD, so here we go again. Although, last time, PBFH was the one that intiated the court date to reduce DD's summer time with Dad, and now PBFH doesn't have the money to try to do the same for her DS. We know this from some info we learned about earlier this year.

How we ever get through some of this crap is BEYOND me! I will say that DH and I have mush have made some progess though, as we are laughing about it this time around knowing it was coming. Two years ago we would have been crying and not eating.

My DH who is NCP gets from one week after school is out until two weeks prior to school starting, so he ends up with about 9-10 weeks depending on how the calendar plays out each year. This is based on SD standard visitation guidelines for when the parents are more than 200 miles apart. We are in two different states. He has three kids, daughter (14), son (12) and son (7).

However, in 2003, the ex took him back to court requesting that his summer time be reduced arguing the kids wanted to be with their friends during the summer months. They have friends here, too, but the ex didn't care about that.  It was reduced down to 4 weeks for his daughter who was 12 at the time, and the boys remained the same. The Judge did state that one of the reasons he thought it was ok to do this was because DH was seeing the kids EOW. And guess what, after that summer 2003 the ex stated denying visitation. DH didn't understand how a Judge could do this. Of course there were false allegations and the same old same old from the ex. She even put the daughter on the stand. Unbelieveable. However, daughter is now spending 5-6 weeks with DH during the summer per daughter's request.

Thanks to that dumb Judge reducing the daughter's time now the son who is 12 thinks he should get the same as sissy got when she was 12. The only bonus this time around is that the ex has no money to take DH back to court so I don't think anything will come of it.

Dh cherishes every minute he gets with those kids because he knows how quickly the courts could take it away even without a valid reason.

I hope this helps.

I completely empathize with your situation. This is exactly the trouble my boyfriend experienced last Fall. He missed out on all of his weekend parenting time from September through December due the antics and bs from the ex. This also included a missed Thanksgiving holiday, too.
His ex continually called the police as well and they won't force anything as it is a civil matter. Unfortunately, you have to go to court to resolve this, and sometimes it is not easy to get an immediate court date. We filed in early Oct and didn't get to court until 12/15/03. Can you believe that? My boyfriend would drive  4 hours one way in an attempt to see his children only to be denied and have each of the older two kids at one point or another tell him he was "abusive" and all sorts of other things. Mom let them talk to their father this way, and also during telephone contact. We tried to get her on contempt in court, but it didn't fly...she just got a proverbial slap on the wrist and a verbal lashing from the Judge. However, the Judge did threaten to change custody if she didn't start being a parent and stop allowing her children to get the upperhand. She requested that all weekend visitation be eliminated and that my boyfriend only get 1/2 summer vac and eo holiday. The Judge didn't go for it. Although, he did limit is visitation to one weekend per month instead of every other, and ordered them into counseling (bf with the kids). Since the counselor has been involve the BM has been behaving as much as she is capable of doing so. Based on what the counselor told her (depite what you think those kids WANT to be with their Dad) she has even given him his weekend back that he lost in court nearly a year ago. Granted, we don't have that in a court order yet, but so far so good. This counselor has been a miracle worker.

The best thing that I can tell you is to bring a witness with you on the exchanges. It would be best to not have a family member do this, but a netural friend so as it won't look biased in court etc. And NEVER GIVE UP. Despite the fact that you may not get your child on your weekends you need to keep trying. The child will see that Dad wants to be involved and loves hime etc... As hard as it may be you have to do this, and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!!

I can also recommend a book for you that was our bible last fall when we were going through all of this crap. It really put a strain on our relationship, too. The book is "Divorce Posions" by Dr. Richard Warshak.

Thinking of you and please know that you are not alone.

Prince13 (otherwise known as pagan in chat)

I can relate to all of this! DH's kids now have a cell phone at our house, too. I despise the thing and what it represents...her way of controlling what goes on at our home. Anyway, this began last summer following an ugly court battle. They sent the cell phone "for safety" reasons as Dad is so abusive (ugly ugly court battle, but the kids were still here so obviously we know she is a liar). Well, as some of you here know (I am Pagan in chat) we didn't see the kids all Fall and had another court battle. Things have been going really well since the therapist has been involved. He truly has the kids interest at heart. The kids are here for the summer, but the damn cell phone came back with them. However, DH and I are not supposed to know that they have it. His 13 year old daughter lied to him and intially told him she didn't know where it was as Mom didn't give the kids the phone all the time. Well, when his daughter is not here (shortened visitation per last court) 11 year old son has the phone. They each hide it in their backpacks. On one of their Mother's weekends I found the phone. The child is using it to call Mom during the day when we are at work which I think she MAKES him call. I don't get it as there are scheduled phone calls 2x/week anyway. I feel this is so that she can "spy" on what goes on in our home. I feel like we have no privacy whatsoever anymore. The sick thing is that when the 11 year old did use the home phone to call his Mom (we record conversations for our personal use only) she says to him "did you get the cell phone?" and she just panders to him missing her etc. I want to vomit! When he doesn't talk to Mom all the time and she is not around he is a happy go lucky kid enjoying his time here. Granted, he still is unable to tell Mom that he has fun at Dad's house.

So, my big question for all of you.... is What do I do with the phone given that DH and I are not supposed to know that the kids have it here.
This weekend they are with their Mom so I did turn it on to let the battery run out as I did notice they don't have a charger for it here, and our Nextel charger will not work with their phone. Do I take it and hide it and have it reappear in August when they go back to their Mom's? Really, why do they need the frickin' cellular when they can use our phone to call her if they desire? If they are home alone during the day they are not allowed to answer the home phone unless they know the caller id#. Too bad for BM that she uses a calling card to call from work and it shows up as unknown/ or blocked. We just feel that it is a safety issue and too easy for an 11 or 13 year old to slip and say "Dad isn't here etc...".

I am looking for advice on what to do about the phone. Please advise.

Hi Tappie

Here is Your HUG AND KICK IN THE A**!!!

I completely empathize with you. DH and I experienced visitation denial for nearly 6 months, and it sucks the big one.

We are having our own issues with BM again, back to court for her 5th or 6th time to reduce DH's parenting time. That is neither, here, nor there, but what I was getting to was what one of my good friends told me this morning when I was feeling sorry for myself and our situation..

You can't contro her, or her actions or anything she does, but you can adjust YOUR attitude on how you think about it and deal with it. And he is right, but a lot easier said than done sometimes!

Here is another HUG for you as you deserve it. I hope things turn the corner for you soon! And like yourself, 3 beers is excess for me too!! LOL!

Hugs,
Prince

That makes sense. The reason the kids have started calling DH on their cells is because when Mom is around at home she listens to all their conversations with Dad and they don't like that. I believe she gave all her kids (steps included) other than her 7 year old son phones is a control issue...she gave an 11 year old a phone. The kids, at least the oldest, who is 14 is starting to resent her Mom's invasion of privacy into EVERYTHING. I know, as a parent it is a fine line to walk as you need to be involved, but as they get older I believe they also deserve some kind of privacy. We have always done that for them in our house, but BM never has.

I kind of agree with that; however the kids had been calling their Dad from their cells so why is it not ok for he to call them back on them? Secondly, his child support is certainly paying for them and all the other toys she keeps buying!

BM is dragging DH back to court in one of her already numerous attempts to reduce his parenting time with his children. Two years ago she attempted to reduce the summer visitation with his older two, then 12 and 10. She kept the youngest who was 5 out of it. The Judge allowed the oldest to go from 10 weeks down to 4 at that time. Daughter now wants an extra week with Dad than her 4 and Mom won't allow it. That is just part of this puzzle.

She is now attempting the same BS with her oldest son who is now 10. We go to court on 6/27/05, and today (this is why I am sick to my stomach) DH received a subpeona in the mail for his son. Can you imagine, she is asking the boy to testify against his father. We are sick over this imagine how that child feels.

He has been here for 3 weeks now, and is enjoying playing baseball with his team, and doing family things with us. However, everytime we ask him if he wants to invite some of his friends over he puts his head down and looks depressed (in the past BM has told him it is not ok to have friends at Dad's).

DH and I are just sick sick sick over this. The youngest child is now 7, and we suppose that when he turns 12 we will have the same problem again.

I just hope the Judge remembers that he told BM back in June 2003 that he didn't want to see her back in his courtroom for the same problems with the boys. Well, gee, lookie, here we are.

It will be toss a coin..heads we lose, tails we lose....DH always loses out on something when she drage him to court. It is so not fair. They have been divorced nearly 6 years and this will be his 5th time in court. What does that tell you?

We need thoughts during these next few weeks as they are going to be difficult. And of course, we aren't saying a thing to the kids at all.

Thanks!

BM is dragging DH back to court in one of her already numerous attempts to reduce his parenting time with his children. Two years ago she attempted to reduce the summer visitation with his older two, then 12 and 10. She kept the youngest who was 5 out of it. The Judge allowed the oldest to go from 10 weeks down to 4 at that time. Daughter now wants an extra week with Dad than her 4 and Mom won't allow it. That is just part of this puzzle.

She is now attempting the same BS with her oldest son who is now 10. We go to court on 6/27/05, and today (this is why I am sick to my stomach) DH received a subpeona in the mail for his son. Can you imagine, she is asking the boy to testify against his father. We are sick over this imagine how that child feels.

He has been here for 3 weeks now, and is enjoying playing baseball with his team, and doing family things with us. However, everytime we ask him if he wants to invite some of his friends over he puts his head down and looks depressed (in the past BM has told him it is not ok to have friends at Dad's).

DH and I are just sick sick sick over this. The youngest child is now 7, and we suppose that when he turns 12 we will have the same problem again.

I just hope the Judge remembers that he told BM back in June 2003 that he didn't want to see her back in his courtroom for the same problems with the boys. Well, gee, lookie, here we are.

It will be toss a coin..heads we lose, tails we lose....DH always loses out on something when she drage him to court. It is so not fair. They have been divorced nearly 6 years and this will be his 5th time in court. What does that tell you?

We need thoughts during these next few weeks as they are going to be difficult. And of course, we aren't saying a thing to the kids at all.

Thanks!

We had the opposite problem. DH is NCP. Two years ago when oldest was 12 she sent a cell phone with the kids stating to DH and right in front of all 3 kids who were 12, 10 and 5 at the time that this was for their safety...implying that Dad's house isn't safe. We have never denied them access to the phone to call their Mom whenever they wanted to. The older two were home during the day, but DH works 6 blocks away. We have caller id, and told the kids not to answer if they didn't recognize the number...makes sense, right. Well BM hate this as they never would answer the phone...she used a calling card to call so her number never showed up on the phone....!

She calls them multiple times during the day on their cells. I am sure this is to gather information against DH and I to use in the next court date. There is always an ulterior motive with her.

A month or so ago DH called his son on his cell phone and left a message for him regarding some things he needed to bring for the summer. BM went off on DH telling him that those cell phones are not for him to call and if he wants more than the home phone access he needs to provide a phone to them as well. So the kids have 2 phones? Give me a break!