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[the grandmother's wishes NOT the boy's wishes]

the grandmother's wishes NOT the boy's wishes

Lawyers for the relatives of Sean Goldman said they will push forward with a request from his Brazilian grandmother to allow the boy to make his own wishes known in court.

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/091229/world/lt_brazil_us_custody_battle (http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/091229/world/lt_brazil_us_custody_battle)

Not that it matters.  Nine years old and hasn't seen or heard from his dad in all that time, a boy has no idea what's really best for him.

I'm glad that he'll be spending time with his father.  One good thing about this is the longer he spends with his father the less likely they'll send him back.  Once he acclimates, they won't want to change him again.  *fingers crossed*

First off, I hope you've figured out that ever sleeping with your ex again is a really bad idea.

Second, get the name of the supervisor for the two DHS agents.  Contact the supervisor and tell him/her that you would like a letter outlining the previous case that was closed and stating why the case was closed.  You also want a letter stating what the claims are for the current case.

In my experience, you're always better off getting anything and everything from DHS/CPS in writing - because if it's not written in stone they change things all the time.

Next, since your time with your boys was all supervised, get letters from the people who supervised the time.  Copy those letters and send them or hand them to the current agent.

Document, document, document!  Get letters and keep track of everything.  Track the days you had the boys on a calendar.  Keep written records of everything you can remember happening.  The more information you have and the more of a pattern you can show with how you handle the boys, the better off you are.  When you know what you're talking about and can point to days, times and people, the judge is more likely to see you as truthful (and be truthful about it, don't give the judge a reason to not believe in you).

Good luck!

You can request costs for the new case, perhaps with interest.  What you'll get if you win will be dependent on what the state laws allow and/or what costs you can prove.  Talk to your attorney about this.

I'm glad to hear the boy is back.  No doubt he's going to have to go through an awful lot to begin to think well of his father.  I've no doubt he's been PAS'd something awful.  Hopefully the father will get the boy some therapy.

As to the Supreme Court of Brazil considering the boy's wishes.  I would HOPE they'd be smart enough (seems like they were to begin with, at least) that they'd realize that a boy of 9 won't know what his real wishes are when he hasn't seen his father in 4-5 years and has probably been told negative things about his father - like maybe his father didn't want him.

It's going to be a hard adjustment for the child, both culturally and emotionally.  Poor kid.

I agree that the calling seems excessive.  As to the cell phone, your house - your rules.  BM cannot dictate your households rules as to cell phone or any telephone usage, and as long as you don't cut SD off in the extreme she really can't say a thing.

What is the call schedule like when SD is at BM's?  How often does DH speak to SD?  Why not mirror that schedule.  It's not like BM can tell you that the schedule she keeps your DH to can be wrong. 

If you have email conversations with BM, I would communicate your new rules to BM using that.  That way you have a papertrail of what you're doing.

Ocean posted while I was posting.  Just wanted to add her post is very reasonable.  Maybe you could combine what she's said and what I've said.

How is the cancer "disabling"?  Is your ex actually capable of working a normal job?  If she is, when you go for child support you can request that the court impute a salary to her - even minimum wage at a 40 hour work week, if necessary.

You may poo-poo that $44 a week that you're getting for you children, but over here we just got $38 per week via the gov't and we're actually quite happy to have it!  (We're still paying off loans for the custody lawyer and the ex's $15,000 credit card.)

In NY child support does not end until 21 (or 22 if still in college) so child support continues while the "child" is in college. Also, many orders here state the parents will share the cost of a state school.

Yep.  I understand that there are often orders to that effect.  But are they binding?  If you refused to pay, could the other parent take you to court and force you to pay?

Kitty C, that's very interesting.  I notice that you say it'll be hard to get the order enforced - due specifically to the poor language.  I wonder what would happen if payment was refused and the language air-tight?

My personal feeling is that it may matter as to whether or not there is an actual contract between the parents.  I think a contract would be more enforcable than a custody order.  But then again I'm not a lawyer so I'm really just guessing.

BTW, when we got CS the judge made it until SD's 20th b-day.  I have no idea why he did that as the age of majority here is also 18.  Could be though because in Canada you can go to a total of 13 years of school (they have an optional grade 13), so realistically a child could be in high school at least to age 19.

In another group of mine, we're talking about divorce decrees and inclusions that require a parent to pay college tuition for a "child".  In that discussion one of my boardmates said:

I'm not sure about every state, but according to my lawyer, a divorce decree providing for college tuition is unenforceable because parents just aren't required to provide funds for college. We have to pay for food, clothing and shelter until 18... married or not.

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What say the board members here?  Is college tuition enforcable in your experience, within your knowledge?

That stinks!  And exactly what can a boy of 9 testify about what a child of 4 knew?  In all those years it would be so easy to modify a child's memory by telling them what happened to them - and none of it be true.

As long as you continue to respond to her complaints in the way she expects, things will stay the same.

She hasn't complained to us.  She's told SD9 that she's mad at us because we sent SD to her "sick".  She uses this to try to deflect how SD see her (BM) and color how SD sees us.

or say nothing at all, shrug your shoulders, and walk away, leaving HER to deal with her reflection in the mirror.

I'm quite fond of that...........when someone tries to deflect their responsibilities on me, I just bounce it right back at them....leaving them no one to blame but themselves!

I think her mirror is air brushed.  When she sees her reflection she only sees it through her own eyes as her being the victim, she needs to be shown how authorities would view her.  Authorities will hold some weight.  What we believe will not.