I'm being denied the right to see my children because I cannot afford Supervised Visitation. There is no real reason as to why I'm being required to do Supervised Visitation other than my children & I haven't seen each other in a while.
Last post by elektra76 - Oct 10, 2021, 10:24:18 AM
Hello. My BF has full custody of his son. He is looking to move in with me, but does not want his ex-gf to know where he is moving to due to her psycho tendencies. Does he need to tell her where he moved too?
Little background: My son was abusive to his ex - from what I can tell it now appears to have been mutual but that is not probably relevant. My husband and I were close to his ex and I worked with her to get an OFP because of the documented abuse. They violated the OFP together (she went to his house, they got in an argument - go figure - and the landlord called the police) and he was charged & convicted and is going through the whole process of dv classes, probation, etc. They continued to violate the OFP and now a DANCO as well together and she would drop their daughter and her son off at his house all the time for overnights, etc.
Then she got a new bf (who was also extremely abusive and a thief) and she began talking about moving from MN to TX and taking the kids. In addition, she and the new bf faked a DANCO/OFP violation by creating instagram messages and placing a knife out alongside her car. We know she did this because she actually wrote it in her victim impact statement AFTER he'd taken an Alford plea (because the evidence showed he did it and he couldn't prove he didn't and the plea kept him out of prison) and now has a felony dv on his record.
Now to the problem/question: When she talked about moving, I helped my son with the paperwork to file for custody - knowing that he'd get standard parenting time at best - but we (our whole family) were working to keep her from moving out of MN. Got it filed, made a mistake on serving and it was closed, but it was enough to make her stay in MN. Mid July the DANCO was modified to allow text or email messages regarding parenting time for my granddaughter. The ex is furious with me and my husband for helping our son to file and has said that the only way our granddaughter can be here is if our son is with (we'd had her at least one weekend a month for a year before without a parent) and is jerking him around on time.
He did a new filing for just parenting time with a basic schedule, except that he is asking for (and she'd already agreed) to Thursday through Sunday e/o wkend. At this point, she hasn't responded to the filing and the only thing that has happened is a proposed order has been added to the case. No court date yet. He will be calling on Tuesday to see about why a date hasn't been scheduled.
For this summer, my husband and I have been doing the pickup/dropoffs because of the DANCO, but we don't live in town and won't be in town when he needs us for the next few visits. He texted his ex to confirm next Thursday through Sunday and she came back with Friday through Sunday. He said that he's petitioned the court for Thursday through Sunday and that is what he would like to have. Her response "idc take it or leave it. or take me to court frfr". Not sure how she doesn't realize he already IS taking her to court (note - 65 page affidavit with 55 pages of text screenshots showing her jerking him around and trying to cause an argument. He's been amazing at not engaging - I guess a prison sentence hanging over you will do that).
In any case, our fear is if he takes the Friday - Sunday, then that will impact his case for wanting Thursday - Sunday. But, if he doesn't take it then he loses him time with his daughter and THAT will impact his case for wanting time altogether because she already says that he doesn't want time with his daughter or he wouldn't let us take her on his time.
How should he respond to the "idc take it or leave it" to minimize the negative impact to his parenting time case but also not engage in an argument that could violate the DANCO?
Are you seeing child at all yet? You are doing the right thing taking parenting classes. Get infant CPR trained if possible. Try not to email the lawyers too much or call them as you can see that all costs money. Sorry you are dealing with this during covid. Hopefully you can get into court and ask for temporary orders right away. Usually start with a few hours and work your way to full days/overnights. Giving mom sole custody is sometimes ok, IF you have a great parenting plan that details everything. Mom will do what she wants , agreement or not so sometimes you just have to choose your battles. Think about a parenting plan that will include what happens when child is in school (if you live in same district), holdiays, days off of school for child, birthdays for you and child, fathers day, halloween). What you agree in the final orders is what will stick until child is 18 so if you do not right it now, you will have to come back and fight for it later. It is harder to change after the first set of final papers. You can ask questions here if you want. Good luck!
My name is Fred. I'm a combat veteran, combat engineer. I did route clearance in Afghanistan in 2012. I am going through a child custody battle. I am raising money to help with my lawyer fees for child custody. I've had to hire two different attorneys over the span of 2 and a half years. I filed one week after I found out my daughter was born in 2018. The mother completely alienated me a few months after she was pregnant. I had to file unknown name for my daughter. I've done everything I could, to taking parenting classes and trying to stay in touch with my daughters grandparents. My case was postponed multiple times over 2 and a half years, twice do to COVID. This resulted in multiple lawyer visits to prepare for a court date that didn't happen and increased my lawyer fees. Any donations would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Temporary orders for what? Visitation? child support? Usually temp orders are put in place so both parents have access to child while the courts have hearings/trial. Ask for the most visitation as possible, offer to pick up from school/daycare. If the situation is crazy, then ask for specifics so there are no questions on who gets child when. (ex. pick up spots and times, who drives child to and from exchanges). Easter and Fathers day is coming up, put those in these temp orders if possible. If you have not seen child in a while, the courts may do a step up plan where you get a few hours and then work up to overnights. If you a bed for child, you should be getting child every other weekend- extended weekends if possible with your jobs. You can also ask the if either parent needs a babysitter over 2 hours , they have to ask the other parent before any other family or babysitter. How old is child and we can help show you some plans. (you only have to post in one of these boards, we read them all). We are not lawyers, just parents who have gone through family court for many many years.