How to get joint custody!

[ayuke]

Hello Socrateaser,

I have 6yr old twins that live with their mum.  Parternity was established by the state in 2004 right before I graduated from college.  

I ended up oweing over $10000 in back childsupport which I am making monthly installments including regular child support payments every month.  I also provide Health insurance for the kids as a requirement by CS Enforment.

Since graduation and getting a good job I have been having them come over and spend every other weekend with me.  There have been weekends the did not come over because I was working out of town.

My problem is that I want to be much more involved in their lives.  The environment in which they live is dirty and to the point where I think is unsafe.  

The boy has also been having problems at school and this is mainly because there is no structure at their mums house and she is not stable.  She has left the kids in the care of her 13yr old several times over night even though I don't think he is mature to take care of 6yr olds. The Girl has had a skin desease for almost 11/2yrs now that is not going away.  They don't take showers often and are always dirty when they come over. They hardly brush their teeth.

Bottom line is I need to start spending more time with them but I don't have any custody. My question is how do I go forward from here with the ultimate goal or having half custody or if possible full custody.  They will be better off with me.

She just quit working and still does not keep her evironment clean.  One time she even failed to take the kids to school because she was too lazy to wake up in the morning.  I really don't care about the child support and will not mind paying her as long as I get to keep the kids in my home so I can have control over their wellbeing.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated

Ayuke

[socrateaser]

>I really
>don't care about the child support and will not mind paying
>her as long as I get to keep the kids in my home so I can have
>control over their wellbeing.
>
>Any advice will be greatly appreciated

Child support is for children, so saying that you don't care about paying if the kids can be with you is the equivalent of the other parent renting your children to you (aka: slavery). So, forget about that crap. It may seem a noble jesture on your part, but it's one of the most unlawful arrangements imaginable.

If you want to get substantial parenting time, you must show that the other parent is clearly and convincingly acting against the children's best interests.

Having a 13.5 year old care for the kids overnight is not particularly relevant.

However, a consistently poor performance in school is relevant. If there is a school administrator who will testify that the children are always in school smelly, dirty, unkempt, etc., that's the sort of evidence that the court will notice. But, getting a disinterested third party to report this sort of thing is rarely easy.

If you know that the children's home environment is the sort that cannot be cleaned up in a few hours, then the next time that the kids come to you a mess, call your local department of child and family services and file a report. Ask them to investigate the mother's home to see if any serious health and/or safety conditions exist.

It's all about credible disinterested third party evidence -- not evidence from friends/neighbors, etc.

But be warned. Filing a report with the authorities which is marginal will cause you to appear as a hostile and vindictive parent, and will end up reducing your future opportunity to exercise parenting. It will also ruin whatever positive relationship exists between you and the other parent.

So be damn certain about the situation before you start complaining, or you will be a very unhappy camper.

[ayuke]

Thanks for the advise.  It is definately some good insight.  I talk to their teachers at school and see if they have any concerns.  

As far filing a report I understand I need to be sure before taking such and action.  It will definetely make even more hostile towards me,  but at this point it might be worth it if I know for a fact that the house is unfit.  

I must admit it is a delicate situation. Some one sugested a private investigator for proof of neglet.  What do you think?

Ayuke