What can he do?

[krazyfamily_6]

Dear Socrateaser,

We live in Ohio.  

I am the CP of my 3 children ages 10, 7 and 5. NCP has EOW visitation plus a midweek visit that he does not practice (the midweek he does not practice, he gets the kids EOW).  CO states that the NCP be responsible for all transportation for visits.

My current husband and I moved about a year and a half ago.  We are now about 55 miles away from the NCP.  I have willingly provied half of the transportation for NCP's visits since we have moved (I meet him half way).  NCP is becoming very difficult to deal with. He is often late for pick-up/drop-off.

Last drop off, he was 1/2 hour late with no phone call or notice.  This is becomming the norm and is very unnerving.   I have notified him that I will no longer be providing half of the transportation if he cannot be on time. He is threatening to take it to court.

Another issue is the place of the visitations.  NCP lives with his mother in a one bedroom house. We have three children together plus he has another child with another woman. He also has his g/f living with him and she has three children as well.  That makes 7 kids and 3 adults crammed into a small one bedroom house.

My kids have complained quite a bit about the sleeping situation at the NCPs. They say they have to cram onto the couch or the recliners to sleep.  There is simply not enough space in this house to accomodate all of those people.

My questions for you are this:

1. If NCP brings the courts into this, will the judge order me to provide transportation for NCP's visits?  This is not really a problem if NCP can be on time.

2. Will the living arrangements of the NCP be looked into?  I have asked NCP if his g/f could possibly take her children on a different weekend so they are not so crowded but NCP tells me it is none of my business what goes on there.


Thank you in advance Soc!

[socrateaser]

>My questions for you are this:
>
>1. If NCP brings the courts into this, will the judge order me
>to provide transportation for NCP's visits?  This is not
>really a problem if NCP can be on time.

Possible, but doubtful.
>
>2. Will the living arrangements of the NCP be looked into?  I
>have asked NCP if his g/f could possibly take her children on
>a different weekend so they are not so crowded but NCP tells
>me it is none of my business what goes on there.
>
This is worth asking the court to investigate. Not good 4 kids!

[krazyfamily_6]

Thank you Soc!

I value my kids relationship with the NCP so I've not wanted to "make any waves" but I am starting to be concerned for the kids after the visits.

Another issue that is not discussed in our CO are extra curricular activities.  I have never denied visitation because of extra activities but my oldest is starting to not want to miss softball games and such. I provide NCP with copies of all schedules and encourage him to participate and be involved.  He almost always refuses and tells the kids they can't participate.  

I don't make a fuss because a relationship with their father is far more important BUT the kids are getting older and wanting to be involved in more things. NCP does not want to drive to the activities and I have offered to meet him halfway so the kids can still participate AND spend time with NCP.  They are not overly involved in extras, just one or two per year.

1. Could we possibly get something added to our CO concerning these issue?   I don't want to take time away from NCP, I just want the kids to be able to be involved in the things they enjoy and they would love for NCP to be there.

2. NCP states that it is too much. My kids are usually involved with baseball/softball in the summer and then soccer in the fall.  Each of these activities normally last about 6 weeks each.  Is 12 weeks a year really too much?

[socrateaser]

>Thank you Soc!
>
>I value my kids relationship with the NCP so I've not wanted
>to "make any waves" but I am starting to be concerned for the
>kids after the visits.
>
>Another issue that is not discussed in our CO are extra
>curricular activities.  I have never denied visitation because
>of extra activities but my oldest is starting to not want to
>miss softball games and such. I provide NCP with copies of all
>schedules and encourage him to participate and be involved.
>He almost always refuses and tells the kids they can't
>participate.  
>
>I don't make a fuss because a relationship with their father
>is far more important BUT the kids are getting older and
>wanting to be involved in more things. NCP does not want to
>drive to the activities and I have offered to meet him halfway
>so the kids can still participate AND spend time with NCP.
>They are not overly involved in extras, just one or two per
>year.
>
>1. Could we possibly get something added to our CO concerning
>these issue?   I don't want to take time away from NCP, I just
>want the kids to be able to be involved in the things they
>enjoy and they would love for NCP to be there.

Just tell the other parent, you'ld really like to try to settle this amicably without going to court, and that you'ld be happy to have a mediator help resolve any problems. But, if you cant, then you'll have to file a motion for clarification of parenting time and transportation, and ask the court to make these changes. I really can't say what the judge would do, but if the kids have activities that they want to participate in, that will probably be the prevailing factor.

>2. NCP states that it is too much. My kids are usually
>involved with baseball/softball in the summer and then soccer
>in the fall.  Each of these activities normally last about 6
>weeks each.  Is 12 weeks a year really too much?

I'm not here to make value judgments -- just legal ones. The other parent is obviously not in a very strong state of mind, living in a one bedroom with mom. He probably feels he has no control over himself or his children. All of which may be his own fault, but that will just make him feel worse.

You, cannot be this person's therapist, however. Your job is to do what you think is in the child(ren)'s best interests. This may be to send them to their dad's, or it may be to give the kids the extra time. I can't judge that. But, if you've offered to negotiate and the other parent says no, then you go to court, because that's what the judge is there to assist with.

[krazyfamily_6]

Thanks again Soc!