Will this ever end? What can I do?

[Jughead12]

The CP of my two wondeful daughters ages 7 and 10 is providing hand written child care receipts with out any other backup or proof of payment. do I have a right to question the validity of these receipts.  the amount that she is spending on childcare costs seem outrageous and doesn't jive with her economic situation.  if I take her to court over these receipts does taking an oath automatically make them valid?  

Another note.  since the CP does not pack clothes for the children for my parenting time. I am forced to purchase clothes for them.  If I didn't they would be in the same dirty clothes an underwear all weekend or 4 weeks over the summer.  This is not acceptable

[Kitty C.]

......there's not a whole lot you can do.  We used to have the same sort of problem, but BM would send SS in totally inappropriate clothing for the weather (quilted sweats in the summer, thin t-shirts in the winter, etc.) and ALL of it, including underwear, was bought at a second-hand store.  Once I found the '50' written on the tag of SS's underwear, I cut up every pair in his bag and DH had it out with her, telling her that that's what he paid CS for.  She never sent 2nd hand underwear again.

In this case, buy the clothes that you need to, but keep them at your home and never allow them to go back with your girls.  Then during the weekend, wash the clothes that they came in and send them back in it.

The clothes issue is one that comes up quite often...........it appears to be a tactic that CP's use to thumb their noses at their ex.  In our case, BM did it to make DH look bad, but it backfired on her big time.  The 1st X-mas that DH and I were together, DH had SS X-mas day and 2 days after.  When DH picked SS up, SS was dressed to the nines, even with matching socks!  She didn't know if we were going to see my family or DH's, and didn't want to look bad herself if we went to mine, LOL!  We went to DH's, and it pi$$ed her off royally.

Unfortunately, it's not an issue that gets the attention of the court....too trivial.  So send them back in what they came in and hopefully sooner or later she will get tired of 'playing the game'.  What would be nice is for her to see you with your daughters and how nice they look....once she sees that you don't let it affect you, she may change her tune.

[Jughead12]

>......there's not a whole lot you can do.  We used to have
>the same sort of problem, but BM would send SS in totally
>inappropriate clothing for the weather (quilted sweats in the
>summer, thin t-shirts in the winter, etc.) and ALL of it,
>including underwear, was bought at a second-hand store.  Once
>I found the '50' written on the tag of SS's underwear, I cut
>up every pair in his bag and DH had it out with her, telling
>her that that's what he paid CS for.  She never sent 2nd hand
>underwear again.
>
>In this case, buy the clothes that you need to, but keep them
>at your home and never allow them to go back with your girls.
>Then during the weekend, wash the clothes that they came in
>and send them back in it.
>
>The clothes issue is one that comes up quite
>often...........it appears to be a tactic that CP's use to
>thumb their noses at their ex.  In our case, BM did it to make
>DH look bad, but it backfired on her big time.  The 1st X-mas
>that DH and I were together, DH had SS X-mas day and 2 days
>after.  When DH picked SS up, SS was dressed to the nines,
>even with matching socks!  She didn't know if we were going to
>see my family or DH's, and didn't want to look bad herself if
>we went to mine, LOL!  We went to DH's, and it pi$$ed her off
>royally.
>
>Unfortunately, it's not an issue that gets the attention of
>the court....too trivial.  So send them back in what they came
>in and hopefully sooner or later she will get tired of
>'playing the game'.  What would be nice is for her to see you
>with your daughters and how nice they look....once she sees
>that you don't let it affect you, she may change her tune.


I do exactly that but, you say that there's not much I an do?  Isn't clothing an ESSENTIAL part of Child support payments.  That my expenditure in purchasing a significant amount of clothing is in essence paying support twice.  I have a difficult time paying what I'm paying and this really makes it worse.

Anyone on the hand written receipts issue.  Can the CP decide whatever she wants to pay a private childcare provider

[MixedBag]

You asked:

"Can the CP decide whatever she wants to pay a private childcare provider"

I'm gonna say "Not in my state" which is AL.  During my mediation training a few years ago, we were given information as to the standard going rate for different day care options.

NOW, I'm not an attorney to say exactly how this would play out in court, but as a mediator, it gave me a good idea as to the cost of daycare in the different counties across the state.

Two things come across to me in my mind:

1.  I would consider reporting this income to the IRS.  As a concerned citizen, you're not 100% sure this is all on the up and up.  Day care income is taxable income.

2.  This is where I say "pick and choose" and learn what your county and your judge might do IF you do go to court.  Then make your decision about what action to take.

Learn what your state's laws says on the subject as well.

I've read where a judge can be very lenient -- and very stringent.  There's no telling ahead of time because it's up to the judge.