New and needing help

[lilymax]

Hello all ~
I am new to this forum and probably not going to lurk.  lol.  I have decided to post as I am at my wits end.

I lost custody of my daughter, and only child to her father and I, five years ago.  I had birthed her and raised her with mostly help from my mother for five years before her father got her.  We were never married.  The judge his attorney finally okayed is known by my ex's family and their dads used to be buddies.  My ex is very wealthy too.  He actually even married a woman (his 4th wife although he was with me longer than anybody he had ever been with) just to get custody.

The kicker is this.  The man was abusive to me and I finally left him while I was pregnant because of it.  He continued to make life difficult for my daughter and I by fighting with me constantly when she was small for not going back to him.  He finally decided to just totally ruin me using the courts because I reported him when she told me he and his then-fiancee were abusing her.

I lost my mom last June 1st.  My daughter acts mostly like everything is ok.  I am on one two hour supervised visit per week.  I am going to court in June to try again to get rid of the supervsion so she can at least come home for visits again.  They were sparse but better than the situation is now.  They have had me on supervised visits though I don't use drugs, drink, or even date.  Ive been on them for two years.  I cannot afford them.

I was wanting to hear from someone in my position ... I need to know if you think there is any chance at all that my child and I will come thru this to have a good relationship when she is older.  I have a dirty judge, therefore I havent much hope in court.

Please tell me a future including my child when she is older is possible, because I am really in a bad place and want to give up so badly.  He has ruined my life.

I hope to at least gain some hope from being here.



lil

[olanna]

pretty similar to what happened to me, except I had no visitation until I paid some ridiculous amount of money to my ex.  My son was 10 when this started, I didn't get to see him until he was 13, and the ex and his wife pulled every trick in the book.  They even told me if I loved my younger son, I would pay them the money so at least my youngest son could see his brother...(yea, never seeing how they had a thing to do with any of it).

He grew up...got on a plane and came to live with me two years ago.  He's a mess.  

Yes, they do come around. But how well they do really depends a lot on the child and all the BS they are fed when they are away from the other parent.

[bndmommaostepmomma]

I'm not a mom without custody as my hubby and I are married.  He has primary physical custody of his almost 11 year old daughter.

I wish she had a mom who cared as much as you both do for your kids.  Her mom bailed on her for 4 years.  Not so much as a postcard.

I just wanted to give you kudos for wanting involvement in your children's lives.

[Zephyr]

//www.nancm.org for you non-custodial moms

[jenjen]

I dont understand. do you love your husbands biological child? could you not fill that void (if there is one). seems like your hubby is doing a great job without your assistance and daughter is doing fine with a loving parent.

forget about the runaway mom, she probably did the child a favor. not every  woman is able to raise a child and when we force these ideas and guilt on these women to make them parents when there either not capable or just not wiiling to...we put the children in danger of harm even death as we see all to often on the news.

[ohu812]

What state do you live in? I am not sure you are giving all the facts. Parents dont usually get supervised visits with nothing against them. Maybe you dont believe you did anything but there was obviously something. My ex the NCP BM doesnt acknowledge she did anything wrong either and it is all my fault. There were several positive drug tests, child didnt go to school for days at a time, no immunizations, child abuse/neglect (substantiated), the list goes on. To hear her tell it she did no wrong and I am out to get her. Do you really think he cares that much about you?

[ocean]

What was the reasoning for the supervised visits? (even if you do not believe them ..you have to prove it is not happening now). Did they give you things to do during this time (parenting classes?). When you ask for unsupervised, leave out that it is expensive....can you get the person the supervises you to write a letter or come to court about how the visits go? Take pictures of your house and toys...Come up with a gradual plan to present....4 hours for a month then move it up to 8 hours then overnight? Whatever you think.....If they want to keep the supervised, maybe you can have a friend or parent instead of a facilty? Or at a public place where the father can stay int he building but you have some time (mcdonalds, chuck-e-cheese, park). Just some ideas....

[jenjen]

Please not every woman can be a parent and we need to stop forcing these ideas on these mothers that leave, better to leave a child with there father than in a trash can!! maybe so many woman wouldnt just vanish if we would all stop being so brainwashed as to what society says is proper, they use to say a womans place is in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant!! like the previous poster said...She probably did the child a favor. anyway there has to be a ruling as to why you were given supervised visitation and if the child acts like all is o.k. well, maybe because it is o.k. with the child. by the way do u pay child support?

[fightingmad2007]

You have to keep the faith & keep fighting & most of all, loving. My son is 10 & I lost custody of him when he was 9 months old. Like you, I don't even smoke, drink, do drugs, not on ANY meds (except for hay fever--LOL), have a Master's degree & a professional job in education, neve been arrested, etc. And I still lost. MY Ex- told me once that IF he could've gotten supervised or NO visitation for me -- he would have. He's a monster also. One thing that keeps me going is imagining a special place in H**L for those fathers like him.

Anyway..... I've been 'fighting the good fight' for almost 10 years now. My son loves me & wants to come live with me. He can't understand why 'Dad says it's not in my (son's) best interest to spend more time with you but won't give me a reason WHY'. WHY -- would be 'because I hate your mother with a vengence & will do ANYTHING to make her life a living H**l still and the ONLY way I can still get back at her is to deny her more time with you.' He can't really tell that to son, so he just doesn't answer......  

Son can sign an affidavit here (TX) when he's 12 stating what parent he wants to live with. I'm hoping and praying that he will do that when the time comes as he says he will.....