I go for support...she goes for custody...what should I do?

[henry70]

Hello everyone-lets start off with the basic info first.  We are from NJ-I am a single dad with an 11 year old son who I got custody of 4 years ago(we were never married).  She also has an 8 year old girl from someone else she was married to-now divorced, not remarried, not more kids.  

Since custody changed hands, she paid about 40/week.  About a year ago, she received benefits through her job, so we agreed for her to pay his medical benefits and no support.  She lost her job about 3 months ago and now is not paying anything.  Now she doesnt pay for any medical or support of any kind.  She is currently on unemployment, and said she will continue to be over the summer.  I mentioned to her recently if she intended on paying support or not, and she mentioned that if I were to bring her for support, she would bring me for custody.  I honestly believe she wouldnt win, but the mentaland financial anguish this can bring up if it happens is something that I do not want to put me and my son through.

If I were to go for support, what realistically would the judgement be-is it worth it?  Even if she does get a job, she has little education, so her pay will be minimal if that, and she also has her daughter living with her(she does receive child support from the father of her daughter).  I am not looking to get every penny from her because I also want her to take care of her daughter, but I also believe she should pay something.  I pay for all the medical, day care, summer camp, clothing...everything.

[katz]

My husband has had custody of my sd for 7 years since the divorce.. He has never received (it was never ordered) child support, or any of the medical/daycare splits (which are ordered).

It does bother me, but dh is happy with it as is. My fear is someday custody may change hands, and of course now child support would have to be paid. Its like my husband had to BUY custody with his daughter by not demanding support of any kind. Ransom maybe?

OH anyway (tangent there sorry), only you can really decide if it is worth it, and weather you want to roll the dice. When we did speak to a lawyer once, we were told it is better to be the defendant, then the burden of proof is on the plaintiff. Not sure if that helps you. Good luck though

[Peanutsdad]

Realistically,, the support judgement would PROBABLY be computed at minimum wage X 40 hours a week,,, OR set at standard of unemployment.



Thus,, financially,, nope,, not worth it. BUT,, your son is entitled to be supported by bOTH parents.


You my friend are stuck in the double standard.  If you were the one makin minimal monies,, and supporting another child,, the court would hang you for not supporting this one.


On the issue of challenging custody,, she pretty much has to show a significant change in circumstances in order to do so. Not to mention, come up with the funds for a custody fight.



My personal feelings,,,,if you are able to support your son, let sleeping dogs lie. If he's happy, and has good relationships with you and mom,, think carefully before kicking over an anthill that she may kick back on you and him. Doesnt make it right,, but no one ever said we'll get a fair shake in life.

[Bolivar OH]

I hear ya.  Yes she should be helping in monetarily supporting your son.  However the family court system is bias toward mom.  Yes it is unfair.  

Let me say after spending thousands of dollars in the court system:

"I wish I had sole custody of my son and received no child support" currently I pay huge sums in Spousal Support and CS to only be a visitor in my sons' life.

However, if you want to fight I would recommend hiring a lawyer.  In Ohio if the CS is not court ordered and the payment is not done through CS office.  No CS is counted as paid.  That means in OHIO even if parents agree to CS payments it must go though the court system.  You might be able to get arrears child support.

There is more I could say but it is Ohio CS info.  

Try going to a woman's site.  They usual are the ones in your situation.  Try  //www.singlemomz.com  ,, see what you get.

[Peanutsdad]

Bo,, I hear ya. and I truly empathize with your dilema. This guy has his cake,, I say keep it and dont look for a bird in the bush, ( yeah I know,, mangling metaphors is my speciality).


What does he accomplish by takin her to court? Minimal monies,, BIG friggin hassles, and POSSIBLY, a custody fight that he could in actuality,, lose.


For a guy,, he has the world by the ass as far as family court is concerned. Let it lie.

[rini]

hello

not sure if you are allowed to tape phone conversations in NJ but if you are get her on tape with her big bad self ransoming her child.

rini

[mom2mtj]

I actually had this happen to my SO. My stepdaughter's BM really didn't have anything to do with her for the last 11 years and of course hadn't paid any cs. I told SO that it's not fair, she should be paying something. So we filed for cs and the next month, she files for full custody. The judge did not like this at all, he saw right through her plan. She was hoping to get custody and we would have to pay her cs. I would leave the country before that loser ever got one penny of my money. He said there was no way he was going to remove sd from a home she had lived almost her whole life. BM was granted visitation though, which she sometimes takes. I figure the less the BM is in sd's life, the better.

We're still fighting for cs. The good part is that it goes back to last year, once an amount has been set. The judge was going to base BM's income on minimum wage since the last job she's actually paid taxes on was over 10 yrs ago at McDonald's. We proved to the DA that she is capable of earning more, it doesn't matter that BM isn't working. The judge told her she had to get a job, that her child deserves her support. So BM now has to fax in every week places she has actually applied to. She has to apply at 3 places a week. We go back next week where the judge will set an amount for cs and this is based on previous jobs and she has some certifications.

[wendl]

I would have to agree with Peanuts dad on this one, and what if child support was ordered, what do you think the odds would be on her actually paying????

As both parents should support their children many times woman are not forced to pay cs nor do they get in trouble as much as men for non payment of cs.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**