The 14 percenter from the www.FIRMncp.com mailbag...

[FIRM]

As all good things must come to an end, so will Eric's posting on this site (as much anyway) as earlier alluded to...  Eric and FIRM are busy...busy...busy...!!!

We just don't have the time anymore to play with the feminazi PIGS.  It does not mean that you can't get information and help.  It just means that instead of being "hand fed," you will have to go to the hand:  //www.FIRMncp.com aka Fathers' Integrity & Rights Movement (FIRM).  Y'know, the largest site in the entire FREAK'N WORLD in regards to making CHANGE for fathers and children's rights so that children can actually be parented by BOTH parents as equally as possible. (Need proof?  Go to the FIRM's Who We Are page and get independent proof that FIRM is the largest and most active site, WORLD WIDE.)

FIRM will be there when you are ready...to actually sacrifice for your children as opposed to sitting around and complaining...

Come home...

...to FIRM,

Eric

Vol. 7, No. 10                                  The Fourteen Percenter                               January 2005
A publication for parents on the wrong side of the standard possession order.
– I see my child two days out of every fourteen; 14%.  That's not enough. –
 
Rewrite this Letter
Dear President Bush ([email protected]),
Congratulations on your election.  I'm writing about the fastest-growing segment of American society; noncustodial parents. Most of them are men. Most of them want to be involved in their children's lives more than the 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend. These divorced dads are often ignored by our government except to make them pay child support. These parents are often unjustly vilified.
Many noncustodial parents are hindered from offering spiritual, emotional, and mental support to their children. Children need more than financial support; they need the involvement of both parents.
Although no law can enforce a dad to spend time with his children, laws must be changed to facilitate this time if the dad wants it and it is beneficial to all concerned.  
Don Mathis, Editor, The Fourteen Percenter
 
 
Recital
    The Probate and Family Court Judge
 
The Probate and Family Court Judge
rules when divorces are filed -
whatever mothers want is in
"The best interest of the child."
 
He tears fathers from their families
all for the children's own good.
No punishment is to severe
for the crime of fatherhood.
 
Lawyers always play by his rules.
They're guaranteed to get rich,
robbing the father's lifetime work,
and sharing it with the b...witch.
 
When she's coached to say she's fearful,
they can seize without delay,
with a cruel restraining order,
her husband's kids, house, and pay.
 
The judge is aided by lackeys;
a clerk in a comely dress.
His eyes betray his plans for her
during the noontime recess.
 
Not so the court social worker
who berates fathers for fun.
She has looks, charm, and demeanor
matching Attila the Hun.
 
The Probate Court Judge sits smugly
backed by the ruling elite.
The rule of law and due process
lie trampled under his feet.
 
He defiles the Constitution
to enrich the black widow,
blind to the tears of the children,
and loving father's sorrow.
 
 - Michael P O'Neil, [email protected]
 
 
Resources
The Fourteen Percenter is an international newsletter that seeks to promote equal parenting rights in the US, the UK, and worldwide. We welcome feedback, as well as any article, poem, or review relating to the child-parent bond.  Send your letters to [email protected]
The Fourteen Percenter thanks A-1 Product Distribution for donation of their printing services.  Typesetting, binding, and laminating are other services available at 2015 McCullough in San Antonio, TX. Contact 210-734-9355, 800-652-8477, or http://www.a1laminating.com/index.cfm  
 
 
Reprint - How Divorced Parents Stay Connected with Their Kids - By Jim McGaw
From http://conception.parenthood.com/articles.html?article_id=7785
 
Between long hours at the office and shuttling kids to extracurricular activities, many parents struggle to find time for meaningful connections with their children. Even on weekends, when young children are off playing sports and teens are hanging out at the mall, parents can often feel out of the loop.
But what if you're divorced and have no – or only partial – custody of your children? And what if you're in conflict with your ex-spouse? For these parents, those few minutes of small talk while taxiing kids around town are extra precious. How do moms or dads who may only have their children a few hours each week or month connect with their kids in such a limited amount of time?
The biggest trap many noncustodial or nonresidential parents fall into is the "Disneyland parent" syndrome, says psychologist Anthony E. Wolf, author of Why Did You Have to Get a Divorce? And When Can I Get a Hamster? "One of the misconceptions is that it's really important to schedule a lot of fun stuff," says Wolf. "These parents need to be aware that it may be more meaningful to spend two hours driving around on a Saturday morning than to spend the same two days at 'Fun World.' Overscheduling can take away from the actual connection between the kids and the parent."
         Mark Hoffmeier struggled to get joint custody of his two sons, Danny, 8, and Tommy, 6, after three "arduous" years of mediation with his ex-wife. During that time, he felt the need to prove what a good dad he was by "doing a lot of special things with the kids" – even bringing a camera along to document the fun.
         "But with the pressure off now, I feel like I can be more natural and be myself," Hoffmeier says. "The kids appreciate some of those mornings when you get up and say, 'We're not going to do anything. We're going to sit in our jammies and play on the computer. The little things, like taking them to school, picking them up from school, taking them to Little League – that's the best stuff. It's as close to a normal parenting relationship that you're going to have as a divorced parent."
Importance of Flexibility - Overscheduling can also be a sign that a parent isn't recognizing the needs of the child, says Judith Wallerstein, a child psychologist who's made a career out of studying the impact of divorce on kids.
"Many divorced parents don't realize that as time goes on, a child wants less time with you, and that's good because they're becoming independent," says Wallerstein, author of What About the Kids? Raising Your Children Before, During and After Divorce. "If the child calls up and says, 'I want to be with my friend Mary Jane for a sleepover,' you can't say, 'Oh, she's doing it again.' You have to grant the child changes in her life."
Don Mathis recognizes that his 11-year-old son, Charlie, is old enough to have a say in how he spends time with Dad. Charlie lives with his mother, 350 miles away. Mathis, who has been divorced for two years, sees his son about one weekend per month and tries to resist the urge to squeeze a ton of fun into that short time frame.
"I make sure his bike is ready and I make sure the basketball has air in it," Mathis says. "I leave it up to him as to whether he wants to see a movie or catch up with his cousins."
Extending the time you have with your child, even by just a few hours per visit, can make a big difference in your effectiveness as a parent, says pediatrician William Sammons, M.D., co-author of Don't Divorce Your Children. "It's important to make sure you have a real parent relationship. If you pick up your kids on Saturday morning and bring them back on Sunday night, it's almost always going to be the 'good-time Charlie' routine. But if you pick up your kid late Friday and bring him back Monday morning, you have much more time to be a real parent," Sammons says.
Sammons' co-author, pediatrician Jennifer Lewis, M.D., points out another advantage of slightly extending the child's stay. "When they get picked up, it takes some kids time to make the transition to the other parent," says Lewis, adding that the extra time affords parents the ability to work through this awkward phase.
Of course, having the flexibility to change the schedule once in a while for the benefit of the kids is tougher for parents like Mathis, who doesn't live near his ex-wife. And it's easier said than done for divorced parents with a contentious relationship.
In October, Hoffmeier's brother offered him two tickets to a Major League Baseball playoff game. Hoffmeier wanted to bring his oldest son, but that meant his ex-wife would have to take the younger boy on one of her off days. "Her issue was I hadn't talked to her about it first," Hoffmeier says. "And she was also busy at work." The family eventually resolved the problem during one of their occasional therapy sessions.
Other conflicts with his ex-wife have to do with their opposing parenting styles. He recounts the time they all went out for pizza after a Little League game. Hoffmeier gave each of his sons three dollars in quarters to play video games.
"My youngest ran out of quarters and wanted more," he says. "I said 'no,' that was it. He banged his hand on the table, which was unacceptable. My ex started going through her purse for quarters. I said, 'you can't reward that kind of behavior.' I think a lot of the time it's tough on the kids because of the two different styles of parenting. That's one of the reasons we got divorced."
Mathis, who acknowledges having a prickly relationship with his ex-wife, says he often feels powerless to do anything but clench his teeth and ride out the storm. "We have a set of rules for Mom's house and I have a set of rules for my house," he says. "What she does over there goes in a box that I call 'The Box Full of Stuff I Can't Do a Thing About.' That box is crammed full."
Respectful Relations - The importance of maintaining a respectful and civil relationship with the custodial parent cannot be overestimated, says Wallerstein. "Despite the divorce, he has to have a relationship where the ex-wife welcomes his own relationship with the children. She has to be able to trust his parenting, that he will be responsible," she says.
Peter Gagnon is one of the lucky ones. He lives only five miles away from his three kids: Alec, Julia and Amanda. His ex-wife, Lise Gagnon, is the primary custodian on paper because she lives in their children's school district. In reality, however, they have 50-50 custody.
Better still, they have an amicable relationship, even joining each other for school functions. Lise says that makes it easier when changing schedules for the kids' sake – and sometimes for her own.
"On the days that I don't have the kids, every once in a while I'll be melancholy and I really want to see them," she says. "I'll call Peter and he'll say, 'C'mon over.'"
"We can communicate easily; there's no animosity," echoes Peter, adding that if he and Lise disagree on how something involving the children was handled, they deal with it privately. "We don't want a situation where the kids play one parent off the other. We always agreed that the kids would be the most important thing."
Connecting When Apart - One of the unfortunate traits all noncustodial parents share is the joyless task of coming home to an empty house. But even then it's possible to stay connected, and Wallerstein says today's technology makes it easier than ever to keep the lines of communication open.
"E-mail is wonderful. One father we studied did math homework with his kids Monday through Friday by e-mail. Another read to his child by telephone," says Wallerstein, adding that younger children love getting picture postcards.
But parents shouldn't overdo it. "A communication plan is very important, where they literally go through some guidelines on telephone use, fax and e-mails. You need to set up a system where you respect when the calls are being made," says Sammons, adding that if kids are interrupted during dinner or a favorite TV show, they're more likely to be uncommunicative.
Peter Gagnon agrees that it's important not to be intrusive. "Typically, I don't call them routinely. I respect the time that they're with Lise, but it's not a hands-off thing," he says.
Making an effort to maintain a parent-school connection also sends a strong signal to your children that you're still interested in what they're doing academically, says Lewis. "Try and get the school newsletter or the newspaper," she says. "Stay in touch with the sports teams: 'Oh, I see the football team won this week. Who do they play next?' That makes you a little more in touch with the real world."
Mathis is signed up to receive newsletters or phone calls from his son's school. "I have the e-mail to his principal in school," he says. "It's a challenge enough to stay involved in his life, but I'm determined to remain involved in his academic life as well."
Talking About Your Absence - Besides suffering their own little heartbreaks when separated from their kids, noncustodial parents must occasionally explain their absence to younger children.
"Sometimes the hardest thing for my youngest was that he never got a whole lot of time with us as a family and it's hard for him to understand that we'll never be that way," says Hoffmeier. "I can see that he resents it."
Wolf urges parents not to offer excuses. "Don't say, 'I live far away and it takes time to get there,' or, 'I wanted more time, but the courts wouldn't give it to me.' Say, 'I miss you, too, but this is what we agreed on and this is what we're going to do.' It recognizes that they don't like it, but it doesn't open up all these other issues that they don't need to get into."
It's better for parents to put their children at ease about their own well-being, Wallerstein adds. "Show the child that you're all right and that you're not suffering. Kids worry about these things. They'll say, 'Mommy takes care of me, so who takes care of Daddy?'"
Equal Stakes - Whatever the custody arrangement, both parents deal with many of the same issues involving their children. Likewise, both parents still have an equal stake in raising them, no matter how infrequent one may be involved in their day-to-day lives.
"Whether you get labeled residential, nonresidential or noncustodial, you can play a very significant role in your children's lives," says Sammons.
Mathis, who has written numerous poems about his desire to see his son more, scoffs when he hears the term "visitation," commonly used when a child goes to see his noncustodial parent.
"Visitation is what you do at a funeral," he says. "My son does not visit; he lives with me in my heart."
 
 
Resources
Books
            Don't Divorce Your Children, by Jennifer M. Lewis and Williams A. H. Sammons, McGraw-Hill/Contemporary Books, 1999. Stressing the need for parents to stay involved in their kids' lives, these two pediatricians offer advice on telling children about an impending divorce, visitation, helping kids adjust and the special problems of adolescents.
            What About the Kids? Raising Your Children Before, During and After Divorce, by Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee, Hyperion, 2003. The authors draw on more than 30 years of research to provide advice to parents facing divorce or coping with its aftermath.
            Why Did You Have to Get a Divorce? And When Can I Get a Hamster? by Anthony E. Wolf; Farrar, Straus and Giroux; 1998. The author argues that divorce does not have to do long-term damage to a child. He shows parents how to steer children through pain and complex feelings.
Web Sites
            Alliance for Non-Custodial Parents Rights – //www.ancpr.org  – This nonprofit group, which advocates for shared custody arrangements, answers questions and offers resources on child support, custody and visitation. Children and Divorce – //www.childrenanddivorce.com  – This site, maintained by pediatricians Jennifer Lewis and William Sammons, offers resources and advice for divorced parents trying to put their children first. Divorce.com – //www.divorce.com  – Provides access to divorce packages, divorce forms, completion services, free law summaries and FAQs for each state. KidsNCommon.com – //www.kidsncommon.com  – Helps divorced parents more effectively organize their lives so that they can focus on their children.
Jim McGaw is a freelance writer and the father of two sons. From United Parenting Publications, December 2004.

[Brent]

> As all good things must come to an end, so will Eric's
> posting on this site (as much anyway) as earlier
> alluded to... Eric and FIRM are busy...busy...busy...!!!

How tragic.  ::yawn::



> It just means that instead of being "hand fed," you will
> have to go to the hand: //www.FIRMncp.com aka Fathers'
> Integrity & Rights Movement (FIRM).

Well, if they want to listen to a raving maniac, racist and homophobe like Eric, AND they don't mind losing their children, then going to FIRM is a splendid idea.



> Y'know, the largest
> site in the entire FREAK'N WORLD in regards to making
> CHANGE for fathers and children's rights

As Dr. Evil would say, "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight."



> (Need proof? Go to the FIRM's Who We Are page and
> get independent proof that FIRM is the largest and most
> active site, WORLD WIDE.)

I went there and I couldn't find squat that indicated you were anywhere near the top of MSN's 400,000 web sites. When I search for FIRM on MSN I get a group about "Real Men In Skirts" (I'm not kidding!).

Does Eric still sign his racist emails and message board  posts with stuff about his "Magical Anti-Feminazi Piglet" sword and cutting the heads off of feminists?  

And isn't it true that Eric was kicked out as the Coordinator for the Indiana Children's Rights Council Class Action Lawsuit? Why was that, anyway? Inquiring minds want to know.

[MYSONSDAD]

"Children learn what they live"

[kitten]

THANK YOU

[Brent]

I gotta admit, I don't get it, lol.

Someone from FIRM comes on here and posts about how he's "so busy" he doesn't have time to post.  Right. If he's so busy, how does he have the time to post here and tell us about it? That's the first thing that doesn't make any sense.

Next, he claims FART, I mean FIRM is "the largest and most active site, WORLD WIDE". No offense, but that's just bullshit.  FART, I mean FIRM isn't even in the top 10,000 sites. If that's how you define "largest and most active site" then he must be living in a parallel universe.

Frankly, I'm *glad* that whatever loser posted this crap is going to be "too busy" to post here anymore. That'll save me the trouble of removing his stupid posts  pimping of his ridiculous little site inhabited by a bunch of ignorant, racist nutjobs.

And finally, isn't it interesting that he offers no explanation of why Eric (the leader of that band of bozos) was kicked off as the Coordinator for the Indiana Children's Rights Council Class Action Lawsuit.

It couldn't be because Eric is a laughingstock and widely regarded as a total kook. No, that couldn't be it. It couldn't be because Eric  is a racist and a homophobe. It surely isn't because Eric advocates the murdering of Family Court Judges. It couldn't be because Eric  has set the fight for father's equality back by 30 years.

No, it couldn't be any of those things! They must have fired him because he's just a total wanker. At least that's my theory.....

And he closes with this tidbit:

"Come home...

...to FIRM,"


Thanks Eric, but I'd rather slide down a razor-blade bannister into a swimming pool full of iodine. I'd rather have my testicles torn off by rabid dogs. In fact, I'd rather kiss Hillary Clinton than "come home" to a bunch of f*ckups like FIRM. (Ewwwwwwwww!)

[kiddosmom]

Because none of us are going to hold it for you....

[Bolivar]

Did you know that Eric Ericson quit the Class Action Law Suit from ME? They didn't care because "he wasn't really much of any help, anyway!!".

And because of his shenanigans they will also be removing all his correspondents associated with the FIRM on there web site.

The message is getting out. Eric Ericson of the FIRM is a Kook

Here is the post from Torm Howse, President, Indiana Civil Rights Council in regards to Eric's posts on Dads Divorce.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: News From the Indiana CRC

Author: Torm Howse - (Anyone but Eric )
Date: 12-29-04

I concur.

I was not aware of the depth of such things, and find it strangely interesting that this Eric Ericson recently emailed ME to request to be removed from the Maine coordinator listing.... just a couple of days ago. I did so immediately.

In any case, he is no longer involved (and, he wasn't really much of any help, anyway!!)

Of further note, due to the below, I will also remove the corresponding Associated Sites listing.

Thanks,
Torm Howse
President, Indiana Civil Rights Council

[Brent]

LOL!!

"he wasn't really much of any help, anyway"


That pretty much sums up Eric's entire history. I understand his bozo group is down to about a dozen members, and half of them are infiltrators having a laugh at his expense (I get emails from some of them). If only he knew, lol.

[Astro]

I laughed out loud at your last paragraph.  Here's a couple more for you....

I'd rather f*ck a bobcat in a phonebooth.

I'd rather give birth to a flaming porcupine.     )(