Letters as documentation.....

[dipper]

Hi all,

My dh went to court in January.  thinking it would be good documentation as to what actually transpired, dh and I had written letters whenever there were problems or to ask for specific weekends for ss, as well as advising about counselors......  In court, bm's lawyer was rude about the letters - which I feel was his tactic to downplay the role they played in documentation as well as documentation from her own letters.  However, the judge told dh to talk with bm instead of writing letters.  The judge also agreed that bm was mean and spiteful to dh.  

BM has violated the court order numerous times.  Soc recommended that the violations be put in writing, with no complaints or threats, just the facts of the incident.  

DH is so afraid of this woman possibly moving his child even further away (she is two hours now, but her bf is in New Hampshire to our Virginia)  he does whatever she wants.  Actually, she has always dominated him - dating back to marriage.

Their custody order says she travels two weekends and he does one .......he also gets 1/2 spring break.  She did no traveling for spring break other than to fly to see her boyfriend.  DH did the driving that time and this past weekend, she told him that he needed to pick ss up and she would come to get him.  Now, she is saying dh can have ss this coming weekend only if he picks him up and takes him back.  

The problem - dh is scared to write a letter. He is afraid the judge will not like it.  Yet, he has no documentation that she is violating the court order any other way.  Also, he knows that by doing her share of the driving, he is giving her grounds to have the order changed.  But, at the same time, if he doesnt, then the judge may say that had he wanted to see ss, he would have did the extra travelling.....

Any thoughts as to documenting the violations where it could be counted as proof.......

[Stepmom0418]

IF this is her weekend to do the travel then go get your SS and tell her she needs to pick SS up as per the court order AFTER you already have ss in the vehicle and are ready to drive off. We went through this but our order was very specific and said that DH was to pick up ss at xx on friday and on sunday bm was to pick up ss at xx.

One time she didnt show up to pick him up until 1030pm and order says 8pm. She was charged with contempt for that violation.

If you decided to do the travel then make sure you get reciepts from a nearby station on both days to document the time you were there and when. That way she cant say she did the travel cause you have solid proof of where you were at.

Good luck!

[dipper]

This is where it gets tricky.....court order states that dh has ss three weekends each month, but not which three.  The court order states that dh has ss for half of spring break, but does not address whether that is in addition to his three weekends or as part of a weekend......  It also does not specify which weekends are bm's to travel - just two.

So, on spring break, she claimed she had to work and could not bring ss.  She left town the next day to see her bf for five days.  DH met her brother for the return trip.  

The next weekend bm drove down, and then rode with her parents back that weekend for a family get together as she thought dh would give up ss seven hours early since she was with her 'daddy'.

Last weekend, she told dh that he would have to pick up ss as she was working, and she picked ss up.

But, now as dh sees it, he still has another weekend, because the first one was part of spring break.  According to her....that was one of his weekends and now he can see ss this weekend as a bonus - if he does all the transportation, even though she didnt do all of hers for the month...

So, as for travelling, it could go either way as things are not specific enough in the order....

[Troubledmom]

I have to agree that telling her AFTER the child is in the car that she needs to pick him up is good enough AND it does set a presedence that Dad will pick up at start of parenting time and Mom will pick up at the end of parenting time.

In my opinion the BEST solution when there are issues with who does what when. "He who wants, fetches" is a fairly good resolution to untimely exchanges.

TM