Dad with Custody finally askes for support and she....

[Chris]

I´ve had physical custoday of my daughter for the last 6+ years (she´s 11 now). She lives with myself, wife and our other daughter. When we got custody we just wanted what mattered, the child, and did not ask for support. After years of fighting and paying child support, it didn´t matter. But, after fighting with myself over it and watching my ex pull up in expensive new cars all the time, and hearing about Disney vacations that she didn´t even take the 11 year old on, I decided it was time for her to pull her weight and contribute to taking care of her and saving for the child´s college years and so on. A week after she was served, I am served. My brother has been staying with us short term due to issues with his wife and family. He is depressed and is on medication, but poses no threat to my family (or he wouldn´t be here). The ex states that she feels my household is not the best place for the child because of my brother. As I said my brother is going through a hard time, his wife does have a restraining order against him. He is not abusive and my brothers wife is truely over reacting to the situation. My brother has tried to do everything she has asked to make things work out. Despite all that, I need advice. My daughter is happy here, does not want to leave. She is an excellent student, with perfect attendence. Her life is stable and quote, unquote, normal. The ex is pulling this because she does not want to pay support. She doesn´t want her daughter. I am afraid she has a chance of making this happen. I do not want to lose my daughter, my wife is devistated and we wish we never pushed the support issue. Of course she always had hers when it was the other way around. I don´t even know where to start and need some input. Thanks for listening and any advice you can give.

[CustodyIQ]

Hi,

If I were in your shoes, I would neutralize anything your ex is saying by being upfront with your brother about what's going on.

Help him move out ASAP to another family member's place (or a friend, or a hotel, etc).  BAM, her case (unfounded or not) is totally gone before even having the hearing.  And then you just get heard on the child support.

Because going to court is a wildcard, there's no telling how much a judge will believe the allegations about your brother, especially if your ex brings brother's wife as a witness (i.e., a witness who successfully got a restraining order against him).

Yes, you're trying to help your brother.  Yes, if he's a good guy facing bad times, my solution isn't fair.

But you took a vow to your wife, and presumably have to put your child above your brother.

So... it seems to protect your family unit from the CHANCE of disruption, bro has to go.

Frequently have him over for dinner after he moves out and continue to be supportive of him, but it seems like his residing in your home may cause problems.

Good luck.

[joni]

Good advice, I agree, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  You helping your brother out could help yourself out of your daughter.