In Gods eyes he's not your father.

[jmh02]

My stepson was just visiting for christmas.  He told my brother that my husband wasn't his real dad. He said his mom told him that in God's eye's her new husband was.  That he just had to tell us that my husband was his dad.  He also said that our new baby wasnt his brother that his mom and her husbands child was his only real brother.  We dont even know how or where to begin on this one.  He is only 5 yrs old.  He in his mind thinks that we are just people he is forced to go see every other weekend.  I think down deep he knows that my husband is his REAL dad..... but he has been brainwashed to believe anything she says, and anything we say is lies.   Please someone help.  I hate that this child has to go through this.  He to young and innocent.

[hisliltulip]

My DH went through something similar when yss was 3 (now 5).  

BM was telling him that HER Father was his real Dad, and that DH was just his Step-Dad (yes, odd).  

She would also tell him that DH didn't love or want him anymore because he had new little boy living with him (my son, same age).

The only advice I can give you is to shower that little boy with love, eventually he'll realize what he's being told is lies.  Make sure your Husband clearly expresses to the child how very happy he is to be his Daddy and how special it makes him feel.

Hang in there!

BETH

[joni]

We have the same problem with my 6 y.o. SD.  She has been telling us that our son, her half-brother, is not her real brother because they don't have the same mommy.  She also says that the BM's parents (SD lives at their house with BM) and her mom are her parents, not her dad.

I'm at a loss on this too.  It cuts like a knife.

[StPaulieGirl]

Your stepson's mother has a lot of nerve taking God's name in vain.  I'm butchering this bible passage, but God actually said something like it would be better to be drowned with a millstone around one's neck, than to hurt a child.  

Everything I've thought of won't work, because he's only 5 years old.  My 9 and 16 yr old kids don't quite grasp the concept of stepbrothers, which they now have 4 of.  My ex's new wife has 2 boys who live with them, and I tried to explain that now that their father and their stepmother are married, they have stepbrothers, and a step Grandma and Grandpa.  

Maybe just act like there isn't a problem for now.  If he mentions it again, just laugh like he said something funny...like the moon is made out of green cheese.  Have you posted this to the Shrink Rap board?

Tell me, what other crap is this woman pulling?

[doood]

can you take your ss to the BM's church, speak with the pastor, and get his opinion on all of this?

[msme]

I would redecorate his room with some framed pictures on the wall. Make sure you include some of his baby pics & his birth certificate.

Don't make a big deal out of it. When he asks about it, just explain how it tells all about when he was born & it has both mommy's & daddy's name on it.

Then go on to explain how a child can only have one mother & one father. Mommy's husband is the dad figure in their house & you are the dad figure in your house. And how the father is the person who actually helps make the baby but dads are the people who look after kids & help them & love them & any man can be a dad.

Also tell him that some kids are real lucky that they have more than one man who loves them & wants to be a dad to them & that is great. You might also add that it works the same way with moms.

Don't forget to tell him, often, that you will never lie to him & will always tell him the truth. Also tell him that sometimes there are things that are none of his concern & while you will not lie to him about those things, you will not discuss them with him & will tell him that.

That may sound like a lot for a 5 year old but if you reinforce it often,  as he grows, he will figure out who the liar is.

Good luck & God bless,

msme

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!