custody of daughter

[jphmre]

my fiancee has a daughter from his previous marriage. He thought for sure he would have no problem getting custody in the divorce because of a few things. she does drugs but just pot and drinks 24hrs a day. she is abusive and beat him up and has a record for domestic violence. she is neglectful of the daughter and pawns her off on various family members so she can party. He has a job but doesnt make alot of money and has an apt with 2 bedrooms. when the hearing were going on her grandmother paid an awful lot of $$ for a lawyer for her and she was instantly granted custody and he pays child support. no guardian ad lietem(sp?) was ever appointed and the courts did not do an investigation into her lifestyle. she also was married to someone else while they were married and she didnt even get in trouble for that! he is so heartbroken and depressed i was sondering if there were any organizations or resources_WASHINGTON STATE_ that could help us out. thatnk you for your time.

[4honor]

but not as tough as some. The judge rules on what is before him. If the Father made no motion (on paper) for certain things to happen, then they do not happen. Now he will need a significant change in circumstances just to get the matter back in front of a judge for a hearing (got to have a hearing to see if a threshhold is met to have a custody hearing.)

He needs to take every opportunity to see his child that he can and document everything that is going on in her life... Don't miss for any reason and if at all possible, don't say no if BM says he can have extra time. If the family members can be swayed his way, he needs to not bad mouth BM, but speak of his concern for his  DD's safety, health, etc.

If he picks up the child and she is filthy and has not eaten in days he needs to IMMEDIATELY take her to a physician for documentary purposes. Document everything -- if DD arrives without proper clothing for the weather, there are things DD says to you out of the blue that concern you, denial of residential time (he must show up even if BM does not give up the child), all of these things can get you back in front of the judge after a PATTERN is established.

If BM is drunk when she comes to get the child, (or alcohol on her breath even) don't give up the child without a police officer there... otherwise it will look as if you had no concern for DD when/if it gets to court. Also the police report will add to your documentation. If you must do all the driving, and you find BM incapacitated when you get to her home, call police, tell them what you are doing and why, and turn around and go home. Let them know BM can come get DD when she is sober enough to drive. Three visitations at EOW is needed for the minimum time to show a developing pattern. File when you have enough to request full custody, but you will need an attorney as you are too new to the process to do this alone. It will come, but you don't yet have the "education" further experience will get you.

Read all the articles on this site. Download the time tracker and use it (spreadsheet that helps with documenting residential time, child related costs and small notes) it helped us get a drop in child support when BM's income surpassed DH's -- yes, in WA. Use a journal for the occurrences so that you can be detailed. Try to keep feelings real but minimal and try to keep name calling out of it. Read the article on documenting.

He may have to submit to urine testing to get it ordered for BM. He will need some positive proof that BM has been using since the last trial. A reputable PI ($200-300) can save you thousands in attorneys fees.

If his ducks are not in a row, get that going. (For example, What is more important, a beer after work or his daughter returned to his home?)

You have a lot to do while biding your time. If what you report about the mother is accurate, I suggest you constantly pray for the safety of DD while you are getting this together, cause it is going to take some Divine intervention to keep that dear child safe and sane. I know I will be.