Baby Mama Drama

[DnD_in_Cali]

Yes, I'm still reading!  I know its going to be a long haul, simply judging on her current behavior.  I was once that "pain in the azz" that she's being right now, but I was adult enough to realize that it was a fruitless endeavor.  I can only pray she'll eventually see it that way, but at the same time, I'm pretty sure she won't.  And since I'm in this far, I don't see running away anytime soon.  Thanks!

[DecentDad]

Hi again,

If you're in it for the long haul, here are a couple more things I'd suggest.

The best child custody book out there is called "win your custody war" by Charlotte Hardwick.

I've read dozens of books over the past few years, and that's an excellent, thorough, all-encompassing (600 pages!) book.  Spend the $80 on that one, rather than on several others.

Given that you want to stick around with him...

You have the potential to really help your boyfriend in his child custody battle by becoming his wife.  It shows his ability to commit, gives the appearance of stability, and assures biased judges that there's still a woman around when dad is spending time with the child.

Marriage isn't something into which y'all want to rush.  But if you're together for 18 to 24 months, it will be a natural and smart move to do the marriage thing.

If you have a high-conflict custody case on your hands, it's likely you won't have resolution within 2 years on some of the major issues.  

It can take that long for judges to really understand the pattern of each parent's behavior.  In the short-term, a "he said she said" is impossible to make sense of, but in the long-term, each parent's contribution to the conflict starts to become evident.

Best,
DD

[wendl]

tell B/F not to give her cash, if he pays monies to her make sure it is checks or money orders with CHILD SUPPORT listed on it, since he does not have a court order they will or could considered all monies paid as a gift.

Have B/F take and infant cpr and parenting classes.

He needs to get paternity established and visitation set up, then if she denies visitation she will be in contempt of court and he could file contempt and request time be made up.

[DnD_in_Cali]

Always pd in money orders and kept all receipts.  He's finally got paperwork done at the courthouse and mediation/hearing dates are on the books.  The Legal Advisor at the courthouse told him he neither had to establish paternity nor take parenting classes.  I would assume she was the foremost authority on it...

We're working on his strategy and "script" for mediation now...  Since I've got two "been there done that" hat and tshirts for this, I kinda have an idea of how to go about it, but any suggestions are greatly appreciated!!

[mandi]

We just hired our 3rd lawyer, so if you guys have not found one yet, please make sure that you find a female and one that deals with child custody only or family law.  She informed us today that we have a good case, but as always it will be a long, emotional haul.  Keep up the good work.  There should be more concerned step paretns like us.

*~Mandi~*

[wendl]

Even if parenting classes are not required it will look better that your b/f took these classes.

I know in my state were children are invloved its now a law to take these classes, and heck it won't hurt to do it. I strongly suggest he does.

Document everything, everytime he attempts and is denied his child.

Best wishes