found info about stepsons' other brother on myspace.

[step_momma_to_2boys]

I recently found out that my stepsons' older brother has a myspace account.  I got my friend's daugther to get on and request him as a friend.  Since then we have checked his myspace page frequently.  We've found that he is at the very least, accociating with other kids who smoke marijuana.  His friends have made comments on his page that elude to him smoking it as well.  Now we don't really know what to do w/ the info.  What would you do??  I'm scared for my 2 stepsons who are 11 and 10 yrs old. Their 1/2 brother is almost 14 now, and is privvy to all kinds of grown up info.  I have called there to talk to my stepsons, only to hear the 1/2 brother on the other end saying, "who the F**K is that?!"  I am scared to think of what my stepsons are being exposed to.  I know that if, or in reality, WHEN, that boy starts having s.ex, his mom is going to "face reality" and give him condoms!!  This is straight from her telling me this about 1 1/2 yrs ago.  At what point do we get to step in and do something??  If the boy gets a girl pregnant, then is that sufficient enough to get custody reversed??

[HelpingHands]

Have 'the talk' with the younger boys re: drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.

Remain close to them, keep a watchful eye and keep the ears open for any marked differences with your SSs.

Some jurisdictions look at the people living in the home when determining custody arrangements,  but I it will take more than exposure to a potty mouth 14 yr old half sibling who may or may not be smoking pot to change custody.

[Ref]

you should try to work on strengthening you SSs right now. I would keep real quite about the myspace and keep screen shots of the kid's myspace page in a file.

Kids can edit or even block you at any time and then all of your proof is gone.

My SD had a public myspace where she admitted to drinking and smoking pot. I went to her friend's pages where these admissions actually were. Not only was that going on but her friends were doing crank, acid, X, coke, shrooms, and cough medicine. Her one friend actually had white power stuff all over her page.

DH and I became extremely upset. We compiled a folder of these screenshots and sent them to BM when SD was on her way here. We spoke to SD about it.  Funny enough, this was when her grades went to crap.  

It was a good way for us because BM would have said that we were lying. SD and her friends since has made her myspace private so we can't tell what is going on.

I don't think that what you posted sounds like your SSs are in any immiment danger. I agree that this is probably not going to help change custody.

Good Luck
Ref

[dadof4]

As of now you don't have anything but knowledge, now while you still can, is the time to gather evidence.  If you can prove that you SSs brother is causing a significant disruption in your SSs lives than that could be enough for a custody change.  However, this only includes things like your SSs not wanting to return to their mother's house for fear of their brother, emulating his actions, grades dropping, maybe even conversations between you and your SSs where they tell you they've been repeatedly exposed to their brothers lifestyle choices.  You have to be careful with that one because you don't want to inadvertently put words in their mouths or even pry trying to get information, it's best if they say it on their own without you or your husband questioning them.  Also, if your husband tells his ex his concerns and what he expects her to do about it and she keeps going with her tolerance of her sons actions then that might help as well.  The key is proof, not he said, she said.  I don't know what the laws are where you live but, if the law permits, you could start recording conversation with your SSs and if something comes up about their brother, you have some evidence, also, if the law where you live permits (and ONLY if it permits)  you could record conversations with your SSs mom.  Letters, notes, answering machine messages, etc.  Also, while you are at it, it NEVER hurts to keep a running log of when you and your husband talked to your SSs (date, time, length of convo) and when they come and stay with you (date, time, length of visit) and also when/if you pick them up from school, drop them off.  You want to establish that you and your husband are a positive and constant influence in your SSs lives.  Get involved (if you're not already) in their school and sports, extracurricular activities, PT conference, bake sales, volunteering at their school(s) for you and your husband.  I hope this helps you.

[Ref]

You are talking about a 14 year old that is having troubles. Does BM know that her son is doing this stuff? I don't think, unless you have a phenominal relationship with BM, you should get involved, but maybe DH needs to have a talk with BM.

Ofcourse this all depends on his relationship with BM. Maybe he can offer the information to BM in as non-accusatory way. Another option is to send the information to his school counselor anonymously asking that she/he talk to the parents.

I know your kids are involved, but how better to help them but to help the 14 year old?

I forgot who was logging on the his myspace, but you can say that her parents were checking up on her and stumbled across the info.

You will not get a change of custody over this, but you may be able to help this boy out, in turn helping your Skids.

As far as the condoms go, I have to say I agree with the BM. My SD was 14-15 when I realized that she was either having sex or going to soon. She was always boy-crazy and DH and I agreed that we would talk to her about abstaining, but also give her her other options for safty sake. I went to the store and stood at the condoms to buy SD. I was soooo repulsed looking at the words "for her pleasure", but I knew if she didn't have easy access, then she may get pregnant or AIDS or andy other STD.

After talking with her about sex, she convinced me that she wasn't sexually active yet, so I was given a repreve from giveing them to her. I will not doubt have to buy another box this summer and go through the talk.

Even if we don't agree on the condom thing, please think about what you can do to help the 14 year old. It would be a wonderful way to help your Skids and a teen about to get in trouble.

Best wishes,
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