Next time some ask where you get you info....

[lah101]

Just print this page and show them.  Here are a lot of good facts about fatherless kids

No gender difference in the number of divorce filings appears for
grounds of violence (6% of filings), "exploitation" (one contributing
more than receiving - 20%), or adultery. "The question of custody
absolutely swamps all the other variables. Children are the most
important asset in a marriage, and the partner who expects to get sole
custody is by far the most likely to file for divorce." Women are much
more willing to divorce because they rarely fear losing custody of the
children. Usually it gives them control over them. "If you remove that
distortion, it's apt to change the way men and women relate to each
other and to their kids. Fathers are likely to spend more time with kids
if they can expect to still see them if the marriage doesn't work out.
Women will be more likely to see men as parenting partners, and less
likely to use divorce as a power play."   [Margaret F. Brinig & Douglas
Allen, "These Boots Are Made for Walking: Why Most Divorce Filers Are
Women," American Journal of Law and Economics, July, 2000. Quotes of Dr.
Brinig's conclusions are from John Tierney, "New Look at Realities of
Divorce," The New York Times, July 11, 2000.]


Research shows that Jerry's problem is a common one. According to a
study of 46,000 divorces conducted by economists Margaret Brinig and
Douglas Allen, most divorces are initiated by women, and their primary
motive in terminating a struggling marriage is to gain sole custody of
their children.
Both Jerry and his wife know the grim fate that often awaits a divorcing
dad. Courts rarely grant sole custody or even joint physical custody to
fathers, and standard visitation is just a few days a month.
Visitation interference is a major problem for divorced dads. According
to research conducted by Joan Berlin Kelly, author of Surviving the
Break-up, 50 percent of mothers "see no value in the father's continued
contact with his children after a divorce." This was echoed by the
American Journal of Orthopsychiatry report "Frequency of Visitation by
Divorced Fathers," which noted that "40 percent of mothers reported that
they had interfered with the noncustodial father's visitation on at
least one occasion, to punish their ex-spouse."

Jerry knows that mothers also frequently move their children hundreds or
thousands of miles away from their fathers, and that many divorced dads
find themselves trapped in a vicious cycle--when their exes interfere
with their visitation or move away, a divorced dad's only recourse is to
go back to court. Yet many struggle under the weight of crushing child
support obligations and are unable to afford legal representation.
A solution to the problem lies in the two shared parenting bills now
being considered by the New York legislatures. Assembly Bill A3673,
sponsored by David Sidikman (D-Nassau County), and Senate Bill S2818,
sponsored by Owen Johnson (R-Suffolk County) create equality between
divorcing couples by replacing the option of sole physical custody,
which occurs in the vast majority of custody cases, with the presumption
of joint custody. Divorcing parents would be expected to create and
follow a shared parenting plan, and sole custody would be awarded to a
parent only if he or she can prove that joint custody would be
detrimental to the child.
Under these bills children would gain from the ongoing emotional,
physical, and financial support of both parents that shared parenting
allows. And once couples understand that they will be unable to drive
the other parent out of their children's lives, cooperation between
divorced parents rises markedly. In fact, as the Brinig/Allen research
from American Law and Economics Review indicates, the presumption of
joint physical custody may even serve to keep some marriages together.

"The problem is that my wife knows that the family court system puts her
in complete control," Jerry says. "She feels she has nothing to lose in
a divorce, so she has no incentive to work our problems out. But I'll
lose the most important thing in the world to me--my little girl."
The reality is that, in most divorces, everybody loses--particularly
children. Given the tremendous social cost of divorce and
fatherlessness--the huge increases in juvenile crime, youth suicide,
school dropouts and a wide assortment of social ills--keeping marriages
together should be a national priority. Changing the way custody is
determined is the first step.
Dianna Thompson is the executive director of the American Coalition for
Fathers and Children in Washington, D.C. Glenn Sacks writes about gender
issues from Winnetka, California. Article originally appeared in The New
York Sun.

60% of marriages in the United States end in divorce.
[Bumpass, "What's Happening to the Family? Interactions Between
Demographics and Institutional Change." Demography Vol 27.4, 1990, pp
483-498. Martin &
Bumpass, "Recent Trends in Marital Disruption," Demography Vol 26, 1989,
pg 37-51.]

67 to 75% of all divorces are initiated by the female partner: 74 to 80%
of unilateral (non-mutual) divorces. (Percentages vary only slightly
from the US to Australia to Germany and from study to study.)
[Maggie Gallagher, The Abolition of Marriage: How We Destroy Lasting
Love, Washington, DC: Regnery, 1996, who cites Frank F. Furstenberg, Jr.
and Andrew J. Cherlin, Divided Families: What Happens to Children When
Parents Part, Harvard University Press, 1991, p. 22. Ilene Wolcott and
Jody Hughes, "Towards Understanding the Reasons for Divorce," Melbourne:
Australian Institute of Family Studies, Working Paper No. 20, June 1999,
as quoted in The Australian, 5 July 1999. Beuhler, "Whose Decision Was
It?" Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 48, pp 587 - 595, 1987.
Braver & O'Connell, Divorced Dads, Tarcher Putnam, 1998, p. 34. Lynn
Gigy & Joan Kelly, "Reasons for Divorce: Perspectives of Divorcing Men
and Women," Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, Vol. 18, 1992. Braver,
Whitley, Ng, "Who Divorced Whom? Methodological and Theoretical Issues,"
Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, Vol. 20, 1993. ]

U.S. states with high levels of joint custody (> 30% of divorces) have
significantly lower divorce rates four years later. Their four-year
decline in divorce rates is double that of states with medium levels of
joint custody arrangements (10 - 30%), and over four times that of
states having low levels of joint custody (< 10%).   [Richard Kuhn &
John Guidubaldi, Child Custody Policies and Divorce Rates in the US,
submitted at the 11th annual Conference of the Children's Rights
Council, Oct, 1997.]


EFFECTS OF FATHERLESSNESS (US DATA)

1) BEHAVIORAL DISORDERS/ RUNAWAYS/ HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS/CHEMICAL
ABUSERS/ SUICIDES

a.. 85% of all children that exhibit behavioural disorders come from
fatherless homes.
(Source: Centre for Disease Control)

b.. 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes
(Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)

c.. 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes.
(Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High
Schools.)

d.. 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centres come from
fatherless homes
(Source: Rainbows for all God's Children.)

e.. 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes.
(Source: U.S.D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)

2) JUVENILE DELINQUENCY/ CRIME/ GANGS

a.. 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless
homes.
(Source: Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26, 1978)

b.. 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless
homes.
(Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988)

c.. 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home.
(Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections
1992)

d.. California has the nation's highest juvenile incarceration rate and
the nation's highest juvenile unemployment rate. Vincent
Schiraldi,Executive Director, Centre on Juvenile and Criminal Justice,
"What Hallinan's Victory Means," San Francisco Chronicle (12/28/95).
These statistics translate to mean that children from a fatherless home
are:

a.. 5 times more likely to commit suicide.
b.. 32 times more likely to run away.
c.. 20 times more likely to have behavioural disorders.
d.. 14 times more likely to commit rape
e.. 9 times more likely to drop out of high school.
f.. 10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances.
g.. 9 times more likely to end up in a state-operated institution.
h.. 20 times more likely to end up in prison.

a.. Juveniles have become the driving force behind the nation's alarming
increases in violent crime, with juvenile arrests for murder, rape,
robbery and aggravated assault growing sharply in the past decade as
pistols and drugs became more available, and expected to continue at the
same alarming rate during the next decade. "Justice Dept. Issues Scary
Report on Juvenile Crime," San Francisco Chronicle (9/8/95).

"Crime Wave Forecast With Teenager Boom," San Francisco Chronicle
(2/15/95).
b.. Criminal behaviour experts and social scientists are finding
intriguing evidence that the epidemic of youth violence and gangs is
related to the breakdown of the two-parent family. "New Evidence That
Quayle Was Right: Young Offenders Tell What Went Wrong at Home," San
Francisco Chronicle (12/9/94).

TEENAGE PREGNANCY
a.. "Daughters of single parents are 53% more likely to marry as
teenagers, 164% more likely to have a premarital birth, and 92% more
likely to dissolve their own marriages. All these intergenerational
consequences of single motherhood increase the likelihood of chronic
welfare dependency." Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, Atlantic Monthly (April
1993).
b.. Daughters of single parents are 2.1 times more likely to have
children during their teenage years than are daughters from intact
families. The Good Family Man, David Blankenhorn.
 c.. 71% of teenage pregnancies are to children of single parents. U.S.
Dept. of Health and Human Services.

4) CHILD ABUSE
a.. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services states that there
were more than 1,000,000 documented child abuse cases in 1990. In 1983,
it found that 60% of perpetrators were women with sole custody. Shared
parenting can significantly reduce the stress associated with sole
custody, and reduce the isolation of children in abusive situations by
allowing both parents' to monitor the children's health and welfare and
to protect them.

5) POVERTY
a.. "The National Fatherhood Institute reports that 18 million children
live in single-parent homes. Nearly 75% of American children living in
single-parent families will experience poverty before they turn 11. Only
20% in two-parent families will experience poverty." Melinda Sacks,
"Fatherhood in the 90's: Kids of absent fathers more "at
risk"," San Jose Mercury News (10/29/95).

b.. "The feminisation of poverty is linked to the feminisation of
custody, as well as linked to lower earnings for women. Greater
opportunity for education and jobs through shared parenting can help
break the cycle." David Levy, Ed., The Best Parent is Both Parents
(1993).
-----------------------------
# Do you consider choosing to bring children into the world when you
know you'll need state welfare handouts and court enforced CS payments
just to care for such children an *unselfish* and *responsible* thing to
do??????
Do you *really* think that's thinking about the children????
Do you think that's evidence of a caring society??
Who gets to create this situation in society? It ISN'T men; Men do NOT
have that choice to make. It's a choice only *women* can make.
Why are women doing that to themselves, the men they have sex with, the
society they live in, and most of all their own children?
-------------------------------------------------------------


[em][font color=660066]"Talk is cheap. But if it keeps your stomach full and your grave empty, it's worth more than gold!"[/em]

[amarie]

Personally I don't trust statistics that much, yes children are better off with fathers loving them, but spitting out statistics always makes me cringe.  Anyone can take anything and make it statistically into what they want.  That is a statisticians job.  Take what they have and make it into what they want to say.  

About a century ago, Benjamin Disraeli said, " There are three kinds of lies, lies, damned lies, and statistics."  Historian Andrew lang aslo had said some people use statistics as a druken man uses lampposts-- for support rather than illumination.

But yes kids all better of having a father, and a mother.. but hey you won't see me running claiming the statistics to be true, the first question you have to ask yourself, is where do they get it from?  Who is quoting it?  How did the come about it?  I could think of more but hey I have to get my bootay to work.

amarie

[glad2haveanex]

that you Obviously havent done much reading of this site or the FBI or national health and human services info.
Look, statistics are what they are but your biased reply is obviously an indication you should read more and post less.
OOHHH flame on and have your other "friends take your side" but the facts are the facts! YOU ARE SERIOUSLY under educated in your reply by not knowing where that data is from. HELL it is here on this site! SO READ MORE AND POST LESS.
I won custody for my son to be with me and he is a model student and citizen now. Follow up treatments with a shrink therapist have now been suspended by the therapist. WHY? His situation changed and so did his behavior. PLUS: the therapist now reports to a higher authority that statistic of improvement and we show that sometimes the courts do not rule in the best "interest of the child".
 
SO my statistic of one is a matter of fact.
I was in an 8 year fight and over 130K spent and it was damn well worth it just to see the emotional improvement and the change in his behavior!
BY THE WAY, 4 months have now past and I havent seen one cent of any money from bio mom as ordered by the court. what does CSE say? GIVE IT TIME.
YEA right, if i was one day late the cse office called me. But then again I have a third appendage below the belt. BY THE WAY ALL: the judge in my case (female and divorced) has three children in trouble with law continously and one daughter just had her 2nd child out of wedlock. SHE ALSO RULES AGAINST MEN 99 percent of the time (based on an investigation by the state judicial disclpline board). IF any judge ruled against someone based on their race that many times the federal government would step in for civil rights violations!
BTW great post lah101!

[kiddosmom]

hey glad, everyone is entitled to an opinion :)
noone is trying to flame anyone, just writting their opinion.

[amarie]

>"that you Obviously havent done much reading of this site or
>the FBI or national health and human services info.
>Look, statistics are what they are but your biased reply is
>obviously an indication you should read more and post less."

Everyone has there biases it is a part of life.  You choose to believe one thing and I another.


>"OOHHH flame on and have your other "friends take your side""

What are you talking about?  You are the one that referred to me as
uneducated.

>"but the facts are the facts! YOU ARE SERIOUSLY under educated
>in your reply by not knowing where that data is from. "

It really doesn't matter, they can't take a census of the whole population and therefore there is no guarantee that the data is completely factual.
Although I said that kids and am still saying that kids deserve BOTH parents period and are not better off with one over the other.


>"is here on this site! SO READ MORE AND POST LESS.
>I won custody for my son to be with me and he is a model
>student and citizen now. "

That's great and that is where he needed to be.  And yes that is one statistic.  But if you only ask statistics of people in your position guess what 90% of the outcome would be.  It is not hard to turn statistics into what you want it to be.  That does not mean that there is anything wrong with these statistics, but you also have to have an open mind.

>"BY THE WAY, 4 months have now past and I haven't seen one cent
>of any money from bio mom as ordered by the court. what does
>CSE say? GIVE IT TIME."

That is a shame that she does not have her child's best interest at heart.
There are also allot of Biases built into this system, but there are biases everywhere and biases that we deal with every day.  Humans are biased, depending on how they were raised and what life experiences they have had.

"ALL: the judge in my case (female and divorced) has three
>children in trouble with law continously and one daughter just
>had her 2nd child out of wedlock. SHE ALSO RULES AGAINST MEN
>99 percent of the time (based on an investigation by the state
>judicial disclpline board)."

She should start concentrating on her own family already...
 
"IF any judge ruled against someone
>based on their race that many times the federal government
>would step in for civil rights violations!"

And they still do it everyday.  Black men go down for crimes they never commit because as a black man you are automatically guilty.

amarie


Children deserve both parents! Period, well unless one is a child sexual abuser or something like that.

[lah101]

the words "DEADBEAT MOM"... It just isn't there--yet if you want to talk statistics--I will tell you that out of the 5-6 dads on this site that I talk to everyday---they are still waiting for the mom to pay.  So according to my statistics---thay would be 100% that are Deadbeat.  It is just not right that Dads cannot get the same treatment as the moms--just another BIAS--that is BS---It is ridiculous.  Women cried out for equality---well----I for one am still waiting!

[amarie]

Yes that is true allot of Biases.  No one has gotten equality in this world anyway.  WE think that we do but we dont.  We are on a daily bases discriminated against based on our race, color, creed, or sex.  It is a part of life.  We are all still waiting and still fighting the good fight.  Becuase no one said that life was easy, even when the grass seems greener on every side but yours.

Yes there are deadbeat moms, any sex can be a deadbeat.  And depending on where you get your "statistics" either parent can come out the deadbeat. Both they are both responsible for the kids, both emotionally and financially.  I personally have no idea why anyone male or female would not support there child, both emotionally and financially or who would ever ever abandon an innocent child.  But woman and men do it every day.   I have seen both custodial moms and dads, unofrunately for me I have seen mainly parents working together, or a Custodial mom with no support.  Or a Custodial dad(my dad)  with all the support.  So I guess my biases are showing.  

But I feel that it is a great diservice to any parent/child, when they don't work towards the best interest of the child.  No woman has the right to deny a man that is a good father the right to be a father and vice versa(I've even seen men denying women the children).  It is all about power and until we take that out the equation; the parents wether male or female will be using it for that reason alone.

Everyone is going to view the world based on there own experiences, and that is the way we as humans operate.

I was never denying the statistics I was just stating that I take statistics with a grain of salt because you can use any kind of statistics and make it into whatever you want to make it into.  It depends on where I go; I can skew a set of data to say just about anything I want it to say.

I am just as passionate about what I believe as you are.

amarie