My Story And My Upcoming Mediation Feb 3 Please Read!!!

[jaimes_dad]

Hi I have been reading the messages in this forum for quite sometime and my heart goes out to all of you as I am now going through my own custody battle myself..I know my story is a long and probably boring one, but I hope you will please take the time to read it and give me your opinions, suggestions, feedback, whatever. Please email me at [email protected] and thanks :-) My wife of almost two years took off with our 1 year old son and my 3 step-daughters in the middle of the night and it wasn't until just last week that I was able to track her down to serve her with custody papers. Then to top that off we have a mediation hearing scheduled for Feb 3rd and my lawyer who started out acting like I had some kind of a chance to get my son back even with emergency orders, now acts like I will be lucky to get visitation. I have absolutely no idea why the change. But I have to admit I am scared to death about losing my son and have never cried so much in my entire 41yrs on this planet. Let me try and explain my story and all of you please tell me what you think. My wife and I met in March of 2002. We knew each other a very short time when she found out she was pregnant. We had already talk about marriage someday, but felt that we should do it so that family and friends and whomever wouldnt think less of us so to speak. We got married in May of 2002 in JP ceremony. My wife was from Ohio at the time so I moved from Pa to Ohio to be with her and her 3 daughters. (She has a 14 year old from one man and a 6 & 9 year old from another) the first problem I ran into was the way my wife took care of things. She lived in a two bedroom (although she claimed a small closet was the 3rd bedroom) upstairs apartment. She was always depressed and the two younger children ran wild and destroyed everything in site. The oldest daughter did nothing but sit in here room all the time and watch T.V. My wife worked and made about $11 an hour and collected about $700 a month child support for the girls, yet the house was a pigsty. There was clothes, food you name it all over the place. The girls and I took out about 24 bags of trash and atleast 10 bags of junk. They had about 6 cats and the place smelled like p*ss and sh*t all the time. I got rid of the cats and her family called me a bastard for disappointing the girls (actually the girls never said a word about the cats my wife complained) She was always broke and the bills were behind. The cable was shut off and the phone was about to be, but she made sure she paid the rent and the ISP bill. Her mother and father were controlling and had apparently controlled every move my wife made her whole life. They were always down on her and walked into the apt like they owned the place. I started locking the doors when my mother-in-law just walked right in on me coming out of the shower. I saw that my wife was dealing with massive depression, I know this from experience as it is something I have dealt with my whole life. She has no patience or time with the girls and either ignored them and watched T.V. and/or went to sleep or told then to get the hell away from her she didn't have time right now. Since my wife had a good paying job with good benefits we both agreed that she would keep her job, because it didnt make much sense me getting a job at less wages and maybe with no benefits and I would take care of the home. At first she left the girls at a babysitters and even if she came home early she would take a nap and pick them up at midnight like she worked the whole shit. I finally got her to let me take care of the girls at home. Well that went fine for awhile. Every day before work we would have to practically drag her out of bed and then all hell would break loose until she got ready for work, which she was usually late for or she would come home early from. We all walked on eggshells until she left. One day she threw a temper tantrum and quite her job to teach me a lesson, atleast thats what she said. So I had to scramble around to find something, anything. In the meantime she was spending and borrowing money we didnt have from her parents of course who never let me forget it. I found a job at a local motel for tourist season and worked from 4pm to midnight 6 days a week. It wasnt enouhg for her or her family and they wouldnt let me forget that either. When I would come home at night the two youngest girls were still awake and terrorizing the house and most of the time my wife was sleeping. We started visiting my family here in PA and talked about moving here. It s a nive small town, good schools and lots of room for the girls to run. My wife said she couldnt wait to get out of Ohio and in fact asked my mother if we could stay with her until we found a place. We planned on moving here on August 5th of 2002, but my wife couldnt' wait that long and insisted that we move a day or two earlier and then bitched and complained that the place wasn't to her liking nor clean enough. She didn't help pack, the 14 year old and I did and were it not for my family and friends we would have been the only two unpacking the truck when we got here. She didn't tell her parents she was moving until the day before and I had to have her father removed by the police for threatening me and my wife. She moved early because she didnt want to face the landlord for all the destruction the girls had done to the apartment. She was suppose to let he ex-husband (the 2 younger girls father) know 15 days in advance that she was moving, so if he wanted to contest it he could, but she gave him 2 days notice and moved. He never said a word. As I got to know him better it was because it wasn't convient for him. He wanted the girls when he had time, especially since he had a new girlfriend and later the new baby. Dispite custody orders saying he was to get them every other weekend he got them whenever. Now when we moved here things settled down just a bit. Except that we ran into the depression and excessive mood swings and being pregnant. My family and I had to practically beg my wife to go see a doctor and get some meds, which she finally did, but she got them from her baby doctor. She would go through these wild moods swings. One day being happy the next not. It was like waiting for a volcano to erupt. I was still taking care of everything in the house and trying to make sure the girls had what they needed, my wife had what she needed and deal with doctors, etc. We were basically living on the child support and what few computer jobs I could find (work is a little tough around here, but as I said good schools, good place for the girls etc, so you kind of give to get if you know what I mean?) Anyway that started trouble with the inlaws because we weren't living up to their standards etc and that created even more tension because my wife was always trying to please them and deal with depression and pregnancy and me I was trying to deal with all of that, the girls and financial problems. Our son was born Jan 13, 2002 by emergency surgery because the cord was wrapped around his neck 3 times, so he was in NIC unti for a week at another hospital in another town and we had to deal with all that. My wife was down for quite awhile after a surgery like that, so not only did I have to deal with all the other stuff but her being through surgery and needed assistance as well. When the baby finally came home I think my wife went through some sort of PPD, because she didnt have much to do with the baby, so I took care of him 99% of the times. We started running into family problems with the girls dad all of a sudden wanting us to drive 3 hours all the time to see them, so we had to get that figured out, the parents were still on my case and now all of a sudden everytime they had a whim to see the kids we were expected to pack up the 5 of us and drive 3 hours to see them. I told my wife that was rediculos that we shouldnt have to jump everytime they said so, but it started some real heated arguements and her reply was that she had been doing it that way for 30 years and wasnt about to change. We never as a family spent a holiday at our home. Her family and I didnt get along so I wasnt invited and when I was allowed to come they completely ignored me. My wife started sleeping more and more in the daytime and was awake at all hours of the night. She would vaccum at 3o'clock in the morning or whenever she got the urge do laundry. I trying to explain to her that she should consider seeking counseling and talk to someone..Well she started talking to someone alright, he family and people she didn't even know on the computer, she called them her counselors. So she basically quit talking to me unless it was in an arguement. We moved to a bigger place right after the baby was born and things got worse. The baby and I were relegated to sleeping in the living room, I on the couch and he in his playpen. We had a crib for him up in the bedroom but when he would cry she would sleep right through it or if she did wake up she would bring him down to me anyway, so I figured it was just easier to keep him downstairs. My wife was sleeping all day and up on the computer, doing chats, yahoo groups and later I found out dating sites and other stuff. The kids got to see their mom every so often usually when I was putting them to bed and they were kissing her goodnight while she was headed downstairs to get on the computer. We couldnt even talk without it ending up into an arguement because she didnt want to her anything I said. I was suffering, and most of all the kids were suffering. They went from kids who really liked school and where they lived to the 14 yr old back to staying in her room all day and the girls running wild and having trouble in school, because I couldnt get them to listen, their mother would say you dont have to listen to him he's just your step-father. Her family would tell them the same thing and say I was a bum because I didnt make the kinds of money they thought I should. I mean my day started at 5:30am when the baby got up, then the girls for school at 7am, then it was time for feeding the baby again and getting him down for a nap, then the little one came home at 11, then snacktime and whatever sles, dishes etc then the older girls home at 3 then homework, dinner, which I would take up to my wife to the bedroom to make sure she got something to eat, then baths and finally trying to get them in bed by 9, and the baby in between all that, then if I was lucky and he went to sleep around the time the girls went to bed I might get some time for me...but hey I love the life of a parent :-). Anyway thats when my wife would get up so of course she would say that I was being Hitler cuase I was making the kids go to bed, behave, etc. Oh yea I once asked her why she slept all day and she said because you let me and you wont wake me up and you make the kids be quit while they are in the house. I was like what? your 30 years old and you cant get up by yourself? I was raised that u got up when u had kids whether u wanted to or not. being a parent is a 24 hour a day 7 day a week 365 day a year job, not one you do when its convient. I setup counseling sessions for all of us at the local Family Crisis Center, I didnt know what else to do I felt we were a family in crisis, children and youth were called about 6 times in 3 months because the girls were running wild and not behaving. My wife and he rmother accused me of calling them, which made no sense why would I risk my own son, much less the girls? Anyway they even suggested counseling and she agreed to go but as soon as they left she would say F them Im not going, in fact one time she got really nasty with the caseworker. CYS said that they were going to put some monitor or something in the house. A person that shows up every morning to make sure things are ok, BUT the reason they didnt was because I was there to take care of the children, even though the girls wouldnt listen to me. Everytime the caseworker showed up whether at 10 am or 3pm my wife was upstairs sleeping. It got to the point in the last 3 months that I just packed up the baby and took him with me everywhere I went because she wouldnt get up. I was afraid to leave him around the two youngest girls, I mean dont get me wrong I love as my own, but none of the girls have ever had any disipline or values or anything before I came along, so they respect very little and one day while getting ready to take the 6 year old to school ,(cuz he mother wasnt awake to do it) I came down from using the bathroom and found that she had put a pillow and a blanket over the baby's face and was watching him struggle to breathe. I freaked out and asked he why she did it and she said she didnt know. I told my wife about it and her reply was "well all kids do that" not all the kids I know and if they do you talk with them about it and explain things and have some kind of punishment, but not Amy..Another time when Amy was supposedly watching the kids, you know one of those rare occassions, she locked the 9 yr old up with the baby in a playroom upsatirs and was downstairs on the computer and/or watching T.V., so when I went up to check on them the 9 yr old was dragging the baby around by his arms backwards trying to get him to walk at 10 months old, Again I said something to my wife and got the same response, so needless to say I wasnt real thrilled about leaving the baby home when I wasnt there..Well then it happened, the computer curse. One night at about 4am in the morning the phone rang and my wife was off somewhere downtown doing whatever, so I got up to answer it, it was in the computer room next to her computer, when I reached over to get the phone I hit the mouse and her screen saver went off. Her chatroom from yahoo was open. I said hello on the phone 3 times with no answer and then they hung up. I saw typed across the screen Hey I just try to call Amy and her husband answered and he was pissed that I called. First off I never said a word but hello 3 times and yea I was pissed they woke the baby and I up by calling at 4am. The next thing I saw typed was That oks she calls me every morning at 5am. Wow what a surprise huh? I asked her about and she gave me the standard hes just a friend etc, who cares and I like to talk to. He lives 30 miles away etc. I said well I dont know how u were raised but I was raised that married woman dont have men friends or not calling them up at 4am in the morning and of course this lead to even more fights. During one fight she even called the guy in front of me and said we are in a fight and you need to get into the middle of it. (I found out later they had been doing this for months and the guy had been professing his love even though at the time they had never met more later on that) Again we couldnt talk without fighting and she kept saying that she didnt want a relationship but didnt want to be divorced cuz the kids would get hurt etc, Then in Sept we got into an arguement over the baby. He and I had been up half the night cuz he wasnt feeling good and he got up early and was crying, I was really beat and trying to wake myself up when the 14 year old came downstairs to get the baby and I said just leave him Ill get hime and she said mom wants him cuz he has been crying for hours. I said if he has been crying for hours then why didnt she get him sooner, just leave him Ill get him because all she will do is take him upstairs put him on the bed and go back to sleep and I will have to go get him anyways. So she went back upstairs and a few minutes later my wife came running down the stairs screaming and hollering at me. I was standing over the baby cuz I had just changed his diaper and was afraid we were going to step on him so I picked him up and had him in my arm in front of me while she was right in my face screaming at me to give her the baby and I said just dont touch him leave him alone, at which point she began to claw at him to get him away from me, so I put my hand up and pushed her shoulder out of the way so I could get away from her, she took two steps back fell into the rocker recliner and called the police. They came I explained what happened, she cried and screamed that I attacked her and then said that the 14 yr old saw it all, which she didnt but her mother said she did, so the police said we are going to show u that u are not the only parent here and I said no Im not but I am the only one taking care of things. Anyway the charged me with the summary offense of harrassment during a domestic dispute and I had a choice either to pay $225 or go to jail for 90 days..Needless to say I had 4 kids, well 5 counting my wife to take care of so I paid the fine. Next thing I know she is writing a letter to the housing authority trying to have me evicted. I have a copy of the letter its a real good one, too bad its all lies and after everything happened the housing authority found out it was lies, but at the time they were going to evict me on her say so whenever she wanted it. They said the would have the police escort me out, changes the locks and put a defiant tresspass against me. Oh I almost forgot I had to call the police 3 times before that cuz my wife went crazy and started throwing all my stuff out in the front yard cuz she didnt like something that she said I did or didnt do. So I had that held over my head, then there was the being up all night, the not having a fulltime job, the parents on my back, the kids not listening, taking care of the house, also having to put in required volenteer time and taking care of the baby, as well as this guy who was calling at all hours (I found out later his name was Dave). So with all that going on my wife and all 4 of the kids went as usual to Ohio for the Thanksgiving day holiday leaving me home alone, my wife left the kids with her parents and went out on the town with her best friend. Oh I have to tell u about her best friend, She has a boyfriend who works really hard, love her kids as his own and gives them whatever they want, while my wifes bet friend Cathee, sits on the puter finding men friends to have fun with. She came to visit us 3 times while my wife was here in PA and each time she had a new man friend with her. I know at one point she was going to Mich every other weekend to sleep with one guy while she left her kids with her boyfriend at home, this I know cuz she told my wife while I was present. Cathee said she doesnt love her boyfriend but she is afraid if she tells him he will throw he and the kids out and they will lose what they have. Anyway Im rambling again, while they were gone I started doing some investigating on my wife's computer. I mean I have always been raised that I should be able to talk to my wife's friends and she should be able to talk to mine, you know nothing to hide, well that wasnt the case here..I was on talking to some of her friends under her screen name but I did identify myself as Amys husband, well all of a sudden Amys friend Cathee comes on and asks what I am doing and I told her and she said you better get off there if u dont want to f*ck up your marriage (apparently she was talking to my wife on the phone at the time) Amy said those people will tell u sh*t just to start trouble. I said then maybe she needs better friends. So that was my first clue that something wasnt right. My wife never called me once the 5 days she was gone for Thanksgiving. When she came back things were worse than ever and she kept saying I dont want a relationship with you but I dont want to be divorced lets play hubby and wife for the kids sake u do your thing and I will do mine. Of course I said no way thats not the kind of life I want and that I was moving out and that there was no way I was leaving my son there to have to live the life I saw her girls living when we first met, because although I may not have much atleast I am a good father and my son will always have me there when he needs me. Heck her own 14 yr old wrote me a letter saying that if her mom and I ever split she wanted to stay with me cuz her life was so much better, she didnt have to be mommy to the girls, the house was clean,. etc. Well then it was coming up on Christmas an the original plans were that my wife was going to take the girls to Ohio to see the family, the youngest was stayiing with her dad and the other two were going to FLA with her mother and he and I and the baby were going to have our sons 1st christmas at home. Well it didnt work out that way, somehow her and Cathee and Dave made plans for Amy and Dave to meet during christmas of all times, so Cathee showed up Dec 19th at 4am and Amy took the girls out of school 2 days early and they left the next day at 3pm leaving the baby and I home alone for his first christmas and new years. Amy called I think once before christmas eve...well we were talking on the computer on christmas eve when all of a sudden I get this message from someguy named Dave, and he starts asking me if I am Amys husband and how my christmas is going and that he just got to his kids house which coincidently happens to be near the town in Ohio my wife was at, as he is talking to me he sends me an email picture of him and her cuddled up on the couch at Cathee's house. I asked him about it and of course he denied it..Like I couldnt read the email address where it came from. So I asked my wife about it and of course she denied it and said I must have hacked into her email..Now if shes denying it why would she think I hack into her email to get it right? I tell u that was just the christmas present that I needed for my sons 1st x-mas. Finally a few days later she told me that Dave lied to me and she lied to me because she didnt want to come home and get killed by me LOL killed by me? I started getting people I didnt even know sending me copies of emails and chats that Dave and my wife had...love letters etc and one chat were Dave bragged, to a guy who was at the time sleeping with Cathee, about how he slept with amy and he had some pretty intimate details that made me beleive they did, but of course she denied it all and still does. That was it folks that was all I could take, So on Dec 29th the apt that I am now in became available, my son and I moved here and took what was ours and no more from the old apt I shared with my wife. I called the number she gave me at Cathee's house and left 3 messages only to have Cathee call me back on New Years day and say I hope u wont be made at Amy but we just got back from Akron (Cathee lives near Toledo) we spent the night at my friends Kevin's house because we went to Akron to celebrate New Years. So I told her that I moved out and why and they harrassed me on the phone for hours calling me all kinds of names, Amy telling me nothing happened and it was ok cuz it was at Cathee's house and she didn't know Dave and his roomate Jon (she claims that these two were members of her yahoo group) were going to be there. etc...I said yea Dave just happened to drive 4 hours away to be at Cathee's just when u happened to be there right? and she said yes of course...funny thing is Dave lives 30 miles from me and couldnt come to visit her at our house. Everytime I ask her why he couldnt she said he just cant thats all. Now this was on New Years Day, Amy didnt even bother to come home until 11pm Jan 4th at which time her and Cathee I later found out called the police to try and have me arrested for taking my son and my stuff from the apt. They were told there was nothing they could do. Amy and Cathee called my mother and harrassed her and then called me and harrassed me off and on for about 3 hours. She said I thought u agree to meet us here when we got home so we could talk, and I said I did but not at 11pm at night the baby's a sleep, well that wasnt enough they kept calling and calling and screamin and hollerin at me all kinds of stuff..I said I dont know how many times cant this wait until tomorrow morning? and she would scream and cry and finally just as I got the baby back to sleep at about 3am Amy called crying because the girls didnt have anything to eat for breakfast and I had the extra house key and the van key and I was going to break in and kill her or steal the van or something along those lines...so unfortunately I said fine I will bring the stuff down to you if you will let us get some sleep..Well I had spoken with an attorney and he said that the police couldnt do anything about me having the baby because there was no custody order to enforce, so I packed up the poor baby and went over there to drop the stuff off and so she could see him for a bit and give him his christmas presents and guess what? The local cops showed up and started telling me that I was going to leave me son with his mother, etc, etc, etc and I explained what was going on, that my son and I had moved and that he had no clothes, food, bottles, etc other than what I had brought with me and that all of his stuff was at our new apt including his bed, they said to bad and my wife grabbed the baby while crying to the police that I threatened her before they got there, which I hadnt said a word to anyone other than asking Amy where the babys christmas presents were. I told them I said you have no right to do this and if you give her that baby she will head for Ohio and I will never see him again and this is wrong, she said why would I leave this is our home, crying all the while, so the police escorted me out of the apt and said that if I came back in 24 hours it would be a different story and someone (as he looked at me) will be going to jail, and with that I had to leave. I went to the local courthouse the next morning and filed my custody papers, called and left a message to speak to the officer that made me leave the baby there for an explaination, he called me at 11pm that night and never really gave me an explaination other than he thought the baby should have been sleeping (this is important as u will see) and then he said I have to go and hung up. At about 2:30am that same morning my mother who is a police buff and has one of those scanners called and said I think your wife is leaving town because the police are over at your old address, and as she is speaking to me I heard the same cop who made me leave my son there the night before say I can't beleive they are moving furniture at this hour and another cop say are they really going to fight all those kids in that van?...1st thing that came to my mind was why didnt he make them put those kids back to bed at 2:30am right? Anyway I was powerless to do anything, the housing authority called me the next day because several of the neighbors complianed and asked me what was going on, I explained and they told me that because we are still married I was responsible for the apt. I went by the apt and it was almost empty and they were gone. I went to the housing authority and made arrangements to clean up the apt so they could rent it again and pay what was owed. I went to the bank and found out that there was actually money in our joint account, so since my wife has a habit of writing bad checks (she wrote so many in Nov that she had to borrow money from her parents, of course that was my fault, and the bank took away the atm cards and threatened to close the account) I asked the bank what I could do to protect myself because I had no idea where she was at and I didnt want to get stuck with her bad checks, so they recommended that I close the account, which I did, I took the money and paid off what was owed at the houing authority and cleaned up the apt so they could rent it again. I found out later that this really caused some problems for Amy cuz all the checks she wrote to leave bounced. I know cuz she left a message on my answering machine telling me how much trouble I was in for closing the account. We also had one of those access cards because I use it for my ulcer meds which are quite expensive, but she was also collecting food stamps for the kids and because I was head of household the card was in my name, well she took the card with her, and when I moved I had to by law notify the assistance office the Amy and the girls were no longer living with me, so they issued me a new card which in turn canceled the old one, and apparently she tried to use the card in Ohio and found out it was cancelled so she left a message on my answering machine saying that she hoped I died because I was a lowlife spending all "her kids" food stamps..Problem was I wasnt spending anything I was just doing what the law required me to do. So she moved claiming that she was scared for her life, It took me until a week ago to track her down to serve her with custody papers. She has been in touch by computer email and chats with me and my family, I saved every one of them as well as the pics, love letters, etc and I have not seen my son in about 28 days and my mediation hearing is the 3rd of Feb. She has told me over and over in emails, chats etc..that her life sux, its all my fault, nothing happened and it was ok cuz she was at Cathee's, etc,, etc and that I ruined hers and Daves life, because I have been talking to people that she told all these lies about me to on the computer, in fact I opened up a site so that they could all go a see the letters and such, she blames me and hopes I rot in hell cuz she cant use legal aid cuz I got them first, whihc is really funny cuz Cathee told me how they were going to get Amy the best lawyer in the state and Amy's parents have money, but wont help her out this time. My mother was online recently and saw that the 14 yr old was on yahoo and it said look at my webcam so she did and the 14 yr old was dressed in some top that barely covered her breasts, so my mother wrote a concerned letter to my mother-in-law, well apparently my mother-in-law went over and raised some hell and Cathee wrote back to my mother a really nasty letter every other word was f this and f that etc. Well my mother-in-law wrote to my mother and said we give up on Amy and all we can do is hope and pray that the kids are safe. I save every last one of these chats, love letters, emails, I even have emails and hand written letters from amy 14 yr old and her mom talking about her being depressed, I have officasl documents from CYS I have 4 huge envelopes of stuff that I gave to my lawyer, it took him 2 days to read it all.........So now I come to the point of this very long and I am sure boring letter...I told u all this as kind of a way to vent and get my side of the story out there because I know I have told it 1,000 times to everyone from the Attorney General of PA to exploited and missing children to every child advocacy group I could find as well as my lawyer and here is what they said.... We don't get involved in custody cases!!! my lawyer said thats alot of stuff but hardly any of that is relevant to custody.....I guess I will never understand what they mean by best interest of the child....So next Tuesday I get to have someone who doesnt even know me or my story or especially my son, which by the way because he is only 1 I wont be able to see, tell me when I can see him and under what rules...Because my wife decided on a different life and because she had kids before my son and I were even in his life...and no matter what I did for the house, the kids and even Amy all in the name of love, when she wouldnt or couldnt do it..........IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! isn't that a crying shame. lets punish the baby because his mother decided all of a sudden she wants to play mommy and have me pay child support like the other guys do, so she can sleep all day while total strangers or even worse the kids watch the baby, and stay up all night chatting with the lastest mr whomever, while he has a father who would love nothing more than continuing with th daily and lifetime responsiblitiy because to me my children come first always...go figure huh?