Unmarried Father

[terri32724]

I began a relationship with someone last October, we broke up for a week and then got back together.  She told me she was pregnant and we were both ecstatic.  Long story short, while we were broke up she got back with an ex and told me the baby may not be mine.  She then told me she did not want to be with me and left.  She was staying with her ex.  The ex and her did a DNA testing (not sure what DNA testing can be done prior to baby being born).  She now calls and states that the tests show the ex is not the father so that must mean that I am.  Though I am not 100% convinced, if it is mine I want to do the right thing.  She is about 4 and a half months pregnant.  If this baby is mine, I want to do the right thing and would love to have custody of the baby should she not want it.  What should I do now?  Is there something I can do now to make sure I have first rights should she decide to put the baby up for adoption?  I do plan on seeking legal counsel, but would really like to hear comments from anyone else that has been through this.  FYI I am 28 years old and the mother is only 20.  I am now back in a relationship with an old girlfriend and we are serious about the relationship.  I want to do the right thing for the child should it be determined that it is my child.

[lah101]

FYI---If she is just 4 months pg---you might want to see the DNA report as she would have to do this in the hospital or as outpatient--and I doubt that that was done.  Sounds like she is  blowing smoke.  As soon as the baby is born--you need to have it in place and court ordered that a DNA test be made.
Good Luck
lah101

[terri32724]

Thanks for your response.  It seems that the ex paid for the test and it was something ordered from the internet that had to be sent off.  It took two weeks to get results.  She states that the test is done using her blood and the father's.  I have no idea what kind of test or it's credibility.   I will certainly have a DNA test done once the baby is born, I just was wondering if there is something legally I should do now.  I know if I am the father, I will be responsible, and I want to be.  I am wondering if I have obligations to her as the expectant mother.  I am concerned she may do something stupid to hurt the baby.  Of course, she could just be blowing smoke to get a reaction from me.  That is always a possibility.  I would not deny the baby if it is mine, but I do not want to have to support her.  She left me and I have moved on.

[wendl]

Basically you have no rights until you are proven the father thru the courts and DNA testing done.

You have no responsibilites to  her before the child is born. I would not say or sign anything until DNA is proven thru the courts.

In many states you can download these forms off there court website, start reading all you can, take infant cpr classes just in case.

Get the paperwork started to you can file before baby is born and request DNA testing at the time of birth.

Good luck

[KAT]

She's pulling a fast one on you. There is NO WAY she had a DNA test preformed. Fetal cells would have had to have been taken, usually during an amnio (long needle, thru the stomach, into the uterus, can cause miscarriage, other things). Unless she has an extremely high history of birth defects, the doctor simply isn't going to do it on someone so young!!! Doctors aren't going to take on that liability! Let alone give her any cells for her to test. It is dangerous not to mention expensive!!! Let me guess!! She wants MONEY from you right? Don't give her any. As others have suggested you are not responsible for HER care. You aren't responsible for anything until the REAL COURT ORDERED (the key is court ordered or it will NOT count!) comes back that you are indeed the biological father!  You need to start saving money immediately. If she is on welfare once the DNA comes back that the baby is indeed yours you will be held responsible for several thousands of dollars to the state. (Do note here that the state is usually willing to settle for less...work out a deal). To help figure out your *possible* child support obligation, worksheets can be found at //www.childsupportguidelines.com
Hope & pray that this baby isn't yours. The poor innocent child isn't even here yet & she's already starting with the lies.....you don't want 18 plus of years of on-going turmoil!
Good Luck!
KAT

[Kitty C.]

The ONLY time an amnio is done is much later in the pregnancy and now there must be extenuating circumstances to warrant it.  She's blowing smoke up your backside, my friend.  The ONLY way a DNA test can be done before birth is with amniotic fluid.

Get a DNA test done after the birth, from a well respected lab, not some fly-by-night mail service.  It will cost you, maybe anywhere from $200-600, but if you are NOT the father, it's a helluva lot cheaper than CS for the next 18+ years.  

[terri32724]

The test that was done is called a Fetal Monitoring Cell test that uses the blood of the mother.  The mother must be in the 2nd trimester and can not have been pregnant before.  I checked about it and though it is rarely done because it is new, it is available.  It is very expensive and the boyfriend paid for it.  Though I do agree that the DNA test will be done as soon as the baby is born to be sure.

Thanks!

[nosonew]

But, that would only prove that HE isn't the father, it DOES NOT prove that YOU are the father.  Who knows WHO she could have been with?  

Good advice from Kat, start saving your pennies, youwill need every last one of them!  Good luck!

[Peanutsdad]

Hoss,


First off, even IF they did the test, it doesnt mean YOU are the father. Frankly, I would have my doubts unless I extually SAW the test reports that it was even done. If YOU weren't tested, she can not in any way claim you are the father,, only that her current bf is not.

If you want to know what your child support obligation would be IF it is proven you are the father,, figure on approx 20% pf your pay,, after you deduct state, federal and social security taxes. If you have things like a supplemental retirement or  other deductions taken out,, add those amounts back in to find the approx cs amount.

Here are a few links and information you will need after the child is born:

Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm


One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm

[terri32724]

Thank you all for your advice and comments.  I will certainly document everything and will also petition to have DNA test once baby is born. I am also planning on seeking legal advice.