Thank God I Found This Site!!!!!!!

[hotforjimmy]

I posted here several hours ago and have already recieved responses although I haven't posted anything different than everyone else here. For years now my hubby and I thought we were alone! We thought the Judge just hated my husband for some strange unknown reason. We thought that his ex was just capable of abusing the system and often joked that my husband needed to have a sex change to be treated equally. I have read as many posts as I can in the past few hours and I have cried and I have laughed, but mostly I have kept saying oh Thank God we are not alone!!!
Okay I am the vocal one, he's quiet. I have encouraged him to stand up for himself over the last 7 years because I knew his ex was walking all over him. Funny I think I knew from day 1 that one day we would end up in court fighting the big fight. I started keeping records the day I moved in, every phone call, every visit, every stupid little thing. I am glad I did, his attorney was glad I did, and we pulled off getting custody. The ex is still a twit, she doesn't give two sh*#s for her daughter and yet we still are terrified of the court system. She always gets what she wants.
He is reading, I am reading, and we are so relieved. Thanks for the inspiration that everyone here as already provided just by reading your stories. Hopefully one day men's rights will be considered just as important as women's.
The only thing I read here as a negative was someone mentioned being treated harshly as the step-mother. Said something about the husband needing to step up to the plate. That bothered me because the Judge in our case said the same thing. I was very offended by that because I have whole-heartedly, 100% taken over being a mom to child I had no decision in. No regrets, just wanting to make sure that my husband's little girl recieved the same love that my 3 children do. I am also divorced, my children are with me, and we have 1 son together. My ex has a wonderful relationship with his daughter, and has actually taken my SD on his weekend visitation with our daughter to give us a break and he knows that it hurts for her to have to watch my child go for the weekend. I have learned that being a step parent is one of the hardest things I have ever done. So with that being said, my husband does everything and then some, but so do I. My SD deserves to have a loving mother since the one she has doesn't have a clue!!!!!
We still have a long way to go now with a new court battle brewing over visitation, but I now know I have some place I can come and know that we are not alone!!

[NoNicky]

It is comforting to know we are not alone.  At the same time it is frightening; the number of parents who are regularly abused by a court system that sanctions terrorism by an ex.

NoNicky
For God has not given a spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  1 Peter 1:6

[Indigo Mom]

-----For years now my hubby and I thought we were alone! -----

I used to think I was alone, too.  Most people I talked to about my sons case thought there truly was something "wrong" with me for a drug addicted habitual perpetrator of DV to have my son.  When I found the internet, I quickly learned that MANY people suffered the same as I.  It's "comforting" to know you aren't alone in this mess.

-----We thought that his ex was just capable of abusing the system and often joked that my husband needed to have a sex change to be treated equally. -----

I have yet to meet a "happy" NCP regardless of gender.  The courts, for some strange reason, prefer the parent who's evil, who's a liar, who's nasty, who makes false accusations, who uses drugs, etc.  It's weird, but true.  Look at all the people here...everyone has a horrible ex with custody...at least at one point.  Most stories here are totally mind boggling.

-----I started keeping records the day I moved in, every phone call, every visit, every stupid little thing. I am glad I did, his attorney was glad I did, and we pulled off getting custody. -----

Your husband is very lucky to have found you.  I know how it feels to be the NCP in a nightmare case...and it's VERY easy to let things go, to give up.  Luckily he found a partner who values him and his child.

-----The ex is still a twit, she doesn't give two sh*#s for her daughter and yet we still are terrified of the court system. She always gets what she wants. -----

Well, stop letting her get what she wants.  Learn to play the game.  Lose ALL attitude when going to court.  Focus on the child and ONLY the child.  I've had my ass handed to me so many times it isn't even funny...because I went in with 'tood.  

-----I have learned that being a step parent is one of the hardest things I have ever done. -----

But one of the most rewarding.  My hub is the step father to my kids, but in reality, he's the father.  You're the mother.  Neither one of you have your own DNA in these children, but they've chosen you.  Look at it this way.  I'm the mother to my kids.  My kids "have" to call me mom, they "have" to love me as mom.  They have no choice...I'm mom.  Your step daughter loves you because she chose to.  That's alot to be proud of...soak it up, mom.  She's comfortable with you, she's safe with you, and she loves you.  Enjoy it.

-----but I now know I have some place I can come and know that we are not alone!!-----

Please DO keep coming here.  Sometimes you might get smacked around for posting something stupid, but know that the smackings come with love.  People here want the best for children, and will let you know.  You'll receive mucho helpo here.  

[hotforjimmy]

>I have yet to meet a "happy" NCP regardless of gender.  The
>courts, for some strange reason, prefer the parent who's evil,
>who's a liar, who's nasty, who makes false accusations, who
>uses drugs, etc.  It's weird, but true.  Look at all the
>people here...everyone has a horrible ex with custody...at
>least at one point.  Most stories here are totally mind
>boggling.
>
>Isn't this the truth, I was totally misinformed about court, I thought the truth prevailed. The GAL asked BM if she knew what the truth was. BM said yes. Then he asked if the truth ever changed and she replied SOMETIMES!


>Your husband is very lucky to have found you.  I know how it
>feels to be the NCP in a nightmare case...and it's VERY easy
>to let things go, to give up.  Luckily he found a partner who
>values him and his child.
>
>Thank You! Funny I have always thought I was the lucky one. I found a man that wasn't afraid to cry and who loved his daughter so deeply it hurt! Watching him sitting on the floor playing Pretty Pretty Princess with the crown on his head and the earrings on is the most touching thing I've ever seen!

>-----The ex is still a twit, she doesn't give two sh*#s for
>her daughter and yet we still are terrified of the court
>system. She always gets what she wants. -----
>
>Well, stop letting her get what she wants.  Learn to play the
>game.  Lose ALL attitude when going to court.  Focus on the
>child and ONLY the child.  I've had my ass handed to me so
>many times it isn't even funny...because I went in with 'tood.
>
>I know sometimes we let her win, it's so hard to sit back and watch sometimes. I >really just want to put my foot up her A#@ and ask her why she doesn't Love her >daughter?

>-----I have learned that being a step parent is one of the
>hardest things I have ever done. -----
>
>But one of the most rewarding.  My hub is the step father to
>my kids, but in reality, he's the father.  You're the mother.
>Neither one of you have your own DNA in these children, but
>they've chosen you.  Look at it this way.  I'm the mother to
>my kids.  My kids "have" to call me mom, they "have" to love
>me as mom.  They have no choice...I'm mom.  Your step daughter
>loves you because she chose to.  That's alot to be proud
>of...soak it up, mom.  She's comfortable with you, she's safe
>with you, and she loves you.  Enjoy it.
>
>We are a large blended family, his, mine and ours. I have 2 children I brought into >this, he has 1, and we have 1 together. My oldest son will be 16 this year, my >daughter is 10, his daughter is 10, and our son is 5. He's an excellent step parent to >mine, and I would like to think I am the same to his. Yes she loves me, and she >loves her mom too, that is why it is so hard to watch the crap unfold in her lap. She >didn't ask for any of this yet in the long run she is the only one truly suffering for all >of it.
>-----but I now know I have some place I can come and know that
>we are not alone!!-----
>
>Please DO keep coming here.  Sometimes you might get smacked
>around for posting something stupid, but know that the
>smackings come with love.  People here want the best for
>children, and will let you know.  You'll receive mucho helpo
>here.  
>
>I will keep coming, I have finally found some new strength for the battle. Please >keep smacking, I need it sometimes! Specially since I can't smack the one I want >too!!
>
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[joni]

:-)

[sweetnsad]

Your story, although unique, is the same as many of the ones you hear on this site...so no, you certainly not alone.  You have come to a place where you will receive support and a few laughs, not to mention great info on "what to do next"....welcome...sit long, talk much, laugh often....