Should we go for full custody?

[mela]

Since this is my first time posting here, let me give you guys some background.

My dsd is 8.  We have have joint legal custody and primary physical custody since September of 2003.   Her mom is supposed to have every other holiday and all summer visitation and eow when she is in town.  Before we got custody dsd lived with her grandmother.  We had very little contact before that because 1) her mother liked to do the "she's your kid, I need some money" "she's not your kid, you can't see her" bid until they got a paternity test when dsd was 5.  and 2)
When we would find out where they were living, they would get their phone number changed and/or move.
Since she has been living with us, her mom has seen her 3 times and calls sporadically and tells dsd lies (she's supposedly been pregnant 3 times in this period of time and had no baby), she promises to come and visit only to never show up.  She has paid 1/2 of a month's child support in this time.

I think that we need to get full custody because for one dsd needs counseling and if her mom knew that we were going to get her counseling, she would find some way to stop it.  Another reason is that since she isn't involved in dsd's life at all, she has no basis to know what dsd needs.  Also we plan to move in the next year and I don't want to have to go to court to get her permission to move out of state (even though she lives out of state).

TIA

Mela

[CustodyIQ]

Hi,

Sorry for the trouble you're having with the child's mom.

What does your court order say about making medical decisions?  Or about medical appointments?

If it says nothing, you should be able to take daughter to counseling without having to inform the mother.  You can explain to the counselor that the mother hasn't been significantly involved in the child's life for well over a year.

Before you go to court, you'll need a good explanation to change custody to sole (or "full" as you described it).

Judge may ask, "If mom isn't involved at all, how is it interfering with the current arrangements?"

You should look at the situation for specific orders, rather than arbitrary labels (e.g., sole vs primary vs full vs joint).

If orders get in the way of you getting child mental health treatment, seek specific orders that would let you unilaterally make such a decision.  Show cause, and the court will likely order it.

If you petition to get sole, and you lose, you've already been through a major fight with biomom during which and before, she potentially cleans up her act.  You potentially give yourself a negative bias with the same judge who shortly thereafter will be asked to let you move.

If your primary goal is to be able to change your residence, I'd suggest that you continue to let mom distance herself further and further from daughter (i.e., emotionally).

Then, you should have a slamdunk to be able to move... "Your honor, here is all the documentation from the past 2 years showing that mom has seen daughter a total of 2 hours.  She has paid 2% of child support she is ordered to pay.  We want to move our family to XXX state, which will benefit all of us, including daughter."

Best,
Eric