Need help - is a change in custody needed?

[sm4hope]

My DH has a 13 year old DD who has wanted to live with us for a long time. Her mother has refused of course and when she gets mad at us or my SD, she will deny visitation.

My SD gave me a poem that she had written and all it talks about is how she is miserable living with her mom. They do not get alone and Sd says that her mom verbally puts her down and hits her. Also that her and her mom don't get along so bad that she has had thoughts of suicide or running away. The only reason she hasn't was because of her sisters (that live here with us) and DH.

SD came over this weekend for the first time since 1-1-05 and I took her and my DD shopping. I went to get a Valentines day card for my DH and SD and DD asked if they could get one for their boyfriends. I told them I had to approve the content first but yes they could get one. SD also asked if I would mail it to her BF because her mom was gonna be mad at her when she got home and would probably be put on restriction due to her not being home by 5pm. She wasn't due to be home until 6pm.

Her mom did get mad and had SD call here and tell me not to mail the card to her BF because her and her mom were going to go and get the BF something else. I told her no that I would send it because I know that she wanted me to do it. No one ever said that she could send him another one!

SD's mom IM'd me and told me that it was unappropriate for me to do that for her since I am not 'blood related'.  Then she IM'd me again stating that it will be a LONG TIME before SD comes back over here because she found out that SD went to church with my MIL and my DD and her mom instructed her not to go with MIL because she should have gone to  church with her other Gma.

Just with her writing that in a letter scares me and now she isn't 'ALLOWED'  back over here due to her mom being mad.  

Please help we are at a loss for words.

[Don]

Is there at least current visitation orders, that she is not following by denying visitation? I would at a minimum press that issue each and every time visitation was denied, keeping documenting  every time it has happened. If she is that unhappy at mom's and really contemplating hurting herself, something should be done is my opinion.  What does your DH say about that poem she wrote?
I would at least also have your DH talk to her next opportunity, and express the concern with her wellbeing, the poem and thoughts behind it.

 If it were me I would tell my daughter that she shouldn't run away from things, but should something happen, that she should come directly to me.  If she were to show up like that, then I'd file for temp custody order, hope for the right judge, and then go from there.

Actually filing for custody before something like that happened, is a judgement call. It could fuel the fire for what's already taking place with her mom while waiting for that process,  which could be quite lengthy.

Just to note here I am not saying she should run away. I am really just saying that I would at least press the visitation denials, and it would be a judgement call on filing for custody. I can't speak for her exact frame of mind/well being with the sort of peom she wrote.