In California, Wife wants to divorce in a hurry, she wants me to file....

[macbaby]

She wants me to file and won't do it herself even though she is the one who left me. I don't mind filing and plan to do so when funds are available, yet I find it highly suspect that she hasn't done so herself since she wants to divorce so badly. Is there something I'm missing here? Should I just do it and get it over with? We currently have shared custody of our two kids. My oldest son(9) has expressed desire to only live with me and just visit mom. Please understand that this is of his own volition through no coaching from me whatsoever, although his mother thinks otherwise. I've never asked him such nor have we had such a discussion.

Any helpful advice is much needed and appreciated. Thank you.

[joni]

first to file generally has an advantage.  also, California is a state where shared parenting tends to be the norm so that should support the current arrangement that you have.

I recommend you find a lawyer who's certified in family law.  check out this site to find one in your area

//www.aaml.org/directory.htm

[DecentDad]

Hi,

I'm not sure why she wants you to file first, but it's largely irrelevant.

The only one with a hidden advantage is the one who is preparing and getting things in order prior to announcing a decision to divorce or prior to filing.  But since you both know what's up, it really doesn't matter.

The longer the current arrangement remains in place, well-documented and able to be shown through credible evidence, the more likely it is that you will get a custody ruling that reflects the status quo.

I live in California, have been before 4 family court judges, have been through around 18 hearings.  I have no idea why another poster would say that California tends to presume shared parentings in court rulings.  I have not observed this.

If you and your wife are at odds with what the optimal parenting schedule should be (i.e., if you really want to try for sole physical custody of your oldest son), you'll probably end up going through a custody evaluation.

Ideally, you'll be able to go through a mediation process to resolve custody and financial matters.  That would be least costly to both of you, would be least adversarial, and would potentially be easiest on the kids.

If mediation doesn't work, then you'll have to really prepare for litigation.  If you aren't well-represented, then there is the potential to really get screwed during divorce.

Family law often has nothing to do with fairness, so if parties approach the process thinking that a judge will be fair, they'll be in for a shock.  A judge will rule per the law and per whichever side makes a stronger argument.

DD