11 year old son needs help

[worrieddad]

My son is 11 years old. His mother and I separated when he was seven and she had him up until January of this year. We have no legal papers stating who has custody of the child so as far as I know it is automatically her since we were never married. Anyway, in January of this year my son was in the middle of his second third grade year and was failing in all of his classes exept math. His mother is Hispanic and does not speak English and cannot help him in spelling or reading which are his worst subjects. My son came to live with my wife and I in the beginning of January and attended school here. With the help of my wife he excelled in every aspect in school, acedemically and socially. He seemed very happy and although his mother is 12 hours away he visited her every couple of months and talked to her on the phone frequently. His mother has a hang up on me still and she doesn't like my new wife only because she still wants me back. It is very hard on my son, because he and my wife became very close, and his mother didn't only dislike it she disaproved of it. After school was let out he had to attend summer school to pass to the fourth grade because of his grades the first semester. After summer school he went to visit with his mother and now she will not let me have him back. It is very upsetting. I am worried about his future acedemically and socially because also he doesn't listnen to her when she tries so discipline him he basically does whatever he wants when he is with her, but here with us he does not even try to be defiant because both my wife and I do not let him get by with inapropriate behavior. I would also like to add that there is no legal child support order either although I give her $200 a week when she has bothe of my sons and $100 a week when my 11 year old lives with me. This is part of the problem if you get my drift. Every attorney I have talked to in her area says that I have to prove her unfit in order to obtain custody of my son. I don't think that she is unfit to take care of him he is bathed, and fed, and loved by her, although she is unfit to discipline and educate him. My other son is only 4 when he is older I would like to assume responsibility of him full time also but right now he is little and he does need his mother. What should I do?

worrieddad

worrieddad

[swilloug]

This sounds all to fimiliar.

In December 2004 my husband was awarded residential custody of SS (his Bio Son) because he was failing school going on the third year (5th, 6th and 7th grade).

They were never married.  In Missouri (where we are) if you are not married neither of you "have custody" of the children.  Had we known this we would have done something years ago.  But since we didn't we let BM lead him down the wrong paths and now we are back tracking.  

We had to prove educational neglect in order to modify custody.

GOOD LUCK!

[CustodyIQ]

If you had the child from January through July or August, you may be able to file in your county.

The kid was living with you for 6+ months.

I'd suggest that you talk with a family law attorney in your area to see if that's a possibility.

Bring documentation of his school performance prior to living with you.

I would imagine you'd have a shot at this, but every passing day is bad for your position.

[flewwellin]

You have every right to be worried.  I'd say she is unfit because of the fact that she wasn't or hasn't helped to take care of your son in the education aspect.  I'd say you have every right to take her to court for your son, he needs the help you can provide that she can't.