Anyone gone through Stepparent Adoption?

[Archy]

Just curious.  Would like to know what to expect.

I'm the "stepmom" wanting to adopt.  We're going on Wednesday to see a lawyer to file for the adoption.  I guess first we'll ask for her consent and if she says no, it looks like we have grounds to terminate her parental rights anyway.

If anyone out there has been through this or has any advice I appreciate it.:-)

[penny]

I have a friend who went through this. She adopted her husbands two kids. After two years they divorced, now she has to pay her ex 450.00 a month for child support. The kids don't want to see her anymore, because she is not their mother. I guess she pretty much got screwed.

[Archy]

Of course, I can't predict the future of our solid family.  Seeing as how they were 2 and 4 when I became their mother and now are ages 6 and 8 with no contact with biomom, we just want to get it legalized.  

I do feel bad for your friend and her children.  You said the children don't want to see her anymore, because she is not their mother.  When she adopted them that's exactly what she became.  They're missing a "mother figure" now.  Sounds like either the children are being coerced or she missed something.:(

We are more concerned about keeping our three children together in the event of our (or my husband's) death.  As it is now, I have no legal rights to keep my children if something happens to him.  They would have to move across the country to live with someone who hasn't bothered to keep in touch and obviously isn't worthy of them.

[forthekids24]

My DH adopted my son several years ago.

There were a few major steps in the process.

1) Locate the absent parent
2) Social Services Investgates
3) Hearing to terminate the parental rights  
4) The adoption hearning

Steps 3 and 4 happened on the same day in our case.

Let me know if you have any more questions about what to expect.

Take Care
FTK

[Raisin_3]

His birth mother came to us and asked us to allow her to terminate her rights and for me to adopt him b/c we got a child support order (for $45/week) and she did not believe she should have to help support him.

We live in TN and she lives in WI so we went to an atty here in TN since that is where ds lives (with us) and she sent the atty $700 of the $800 he wanted to do it and he mailed her the paperwork to terminate and she signed it and her part was done.  We went to court and everything went smoothly and quickly.

My ds is 12 now, was 11 at the time so we were concerned about his age and how he would feel because he did see/ speak with her fairly regularly but he is doing great and is actually better behaved now then before.  We were afraid of some outbursts, etc but he has done well with it.

He has lived with us since the divorce when he was 3 so it was like I was his mom anyway.  It is just official now!

You can e-mail me @ [email protected] if you would like.

[Raisin_3]

Except since ds had lived with us for 8 years and since pb was a co-petitioner and voluntarily signed away her rights we did not have to do step 2.  The judge waived that for us.  Otherwise there also would have been a 6 month waiting period but he waived that too.

[dontunderstand]

What do you have to do when BF in my case is not a part of DD life. Doesn't see her, only talks to her if she calls (he has just moved without telling us so she won't be able to call him anymore), only pays CS if it is taken from his check, etc... yet REFUSES to sign over his rights???

[Raisin_3]

To have his rights removed.  In our case we would not have done that if pb had changed her mind but the atty we spoke with said it would have been easy at that point since pb was not calling ds and we had the e-mails from her saying she wanted to give up her rights.  Otherwise I think it is a difficult process if there is any contact and if he pays CS, even occasionally.

Check with an atty and give them all the info.  Usually they will meet with you the first time for free.

[MyPrideandJoy]

I just completed the final adoption hearing for my 2 stepchildren - who are now my children! We had a bit easy, as the bio mom wanted nothing to do with her children once she got hit with a support order, so she signed away her parental rights and we moved forward from there.

I had to have a background check, fingerprinting and homestudy. Once all of that was complete we had our final hearing. I had to answer some questions, the girls had to answer some questions...we signed papers in front of the judge and viola it was done. We are no just waiting on the new birth certificates. We changed our phone number (made it unlisted) and have moved on with our lives. We hear through our attorney that she is trying to get a hold of the girls. NOPE - not going to happen - EVER!

So, all in all, is was quite an easy process, but VERY expensive! Worth every penny!

Good Luck

[Archy]

I bet it feels great!  I can't wait, I get the feeling that the day it happens is going to be like Mother's Day.  I already get that way.  You know, how your children make you something at school and surprise you with it at Mother's Day breakfast, and you don't want to, but you can't keep back that first tear, and once the first one goes you're done for.  You find yourself sobbing with the hugest smile on your face.  Yeah, I already cried at the lawyer's office.  She was prepared with a box of tissues...

We have come across another hurdle.  Because my husband and biomom were never married she has all the legal custody.  We just left the lawyer's office (2nd time) and she's going to do some research on "de facto parents".  Hoping that will give my husband the legal grounds of custody in order for me to adopt.

Our lawyer has found out how sexist the system is when it comes to fathers.  This is her first case of a stepMOM adoption.  There are all kinds of laws that allow the father's rights to be broken, but it's very difficult when it comes to mothers.  Her words "It's like mothers never leave their children."