My daughter asked to live with me, I tried to make a deal and was sued!

[Patriot911]

Hello,

I have two daughters and two separate horrible situations with their mothers. One lives in San Diego CA and the other lives in Longview WA. Both of them together get 1/2 of my gross pay and I get no respect at all, in fact I get IGNORED and abused!

A couple years ago when my CA daughter was 13 and came for Christmas in San Jose we had a great time. When she got home she emailed me that she didn't want to leave but was quiet about it. She asked me if she could come live with me. At the same time as this, my daughter's Aunt in Ocean Beach told me that my daughter's stepfather was loud and overbearing and extremely strict and a family friend I knew says that the step-dad had put one of my daughter's aunts in a choke hold and was abusive. I confronted her mother about this and she downplayed it... unfortunately how can I believe that? Especially when my daughter said she hated her stepfather more than anyone in the world...

I tried to make my daughter's mother a deal. I said if my daughter comes to live with me I will not seek child support and will honor visitation rights if she simply stops child support and forgives the arrears I had accrued while jobless in 2008 and some other times earlier (CA has 10% interest which makes it impossible to pay back!)

My daughter's mother became quiet.. Ignored my calls and emails and then later I received papers in the mail... she was suing me for 100% legal and physical custody and wanted to deny me all rights to visit with my daughter. I foolishly decided to represent myself however In a major way I won!! and in a major way I lost...
Add to that, my daughter mysteriously stopped talking to me at all and said she doesn't want to live with me anymore... also her step-father was being so much nicer and her mother also... obviously they did NOT want to lose the child support and they wanted to keep my daughter....

In the custody court, I won confirmation of my 50/50 legal custody rights but due to the distance between my place and hers, I was only granted 10%/90% custody - me being the 10%.... My X also tried to get me to have to pay all her lawyer fees however that was not upheld. I drove to San Diego for the first court date and my X did not arrive... I lost almost $1000 in travel and lost pay and filed to get that back but I was also denied.

We went to mediation and after the mediation the mediator said that my daughter had a distant but positive relationship with me and then recommended good visitation and communication plus mental health counseling for my X so that she could effectively co-parent with me. and I believe she never went to the counselor because she still can't talk to me right and plays games with me... we are also supposed to split the visitation costs.. The receiving parent pays the travel cost... so when I receive her, I pay the flight and baggage.. When she goes home, her mother pays...

The second court I had to go to was the child support court... this is where I was literally blown away, shocked and devastated... they tried to get me to pay $1,200 a month support when it had been previously $250 I had to protest and explain that the cost of living in San Jose is horrible ($2,000 rent for a crappy 2 bedroom apartment) and also that I have another child support case from Washington. It was dropped to $890 however that made me want to cry and still hurts every paycheck!! that plus the arrears makes me feel like my life is OVER!

Communication with my X is horrible... she rarely answers any of my emails and when she does it is one or two word answers. The court says I get my daughter for Christmas break on odd years and she gets her on even years. I get 3 weeks each summer vacation but each year the number is to be raised one week until I get my daughter 6 weeks a year... This Christmas I am supposed to get my daughter... I have sent my X an email with my intentions to have my daughter fly here on December 23rd and go back on January 2nd according to the visitation agreement. I also sent the same information in a letter, with copies of the court document stating the days I get my daughter... I also a week later called and left a message on their phone and still another week later I get NO RESPONSE AT ALL...

My other daughter, I haven't been able to see since she was 6 years old... and she is 16 now... There was a short time in my life when I was messed up and moved to another country for two years and lost contact with my WA daughter. when I came back I made contact with both my daughters and the CA one I continued to see but the  WA mother refused and continues to refuse to let me even send birthday cards. She also still insists to take child support from me..

I have two X's and two daughters and LOTS of problems.. Lots of debt, very high support payments (over $1,200 a month) and two very unappreciative mothers who don't give me the slightest break...

Meanwhile I have a family of my own and we are struggling paycheck to paycheck... I have my own 9 year old son and a 21 year old stepson... I am tired of being a gimp on their leash... Things need to be fair... I am working on both issue separately and have been tempted at difficult times to go find myself a shopping cart and cardboard box and give up...

This is part of my story...

I forgot to add that once all my money was taken from my bank accounts at the SAME TIME by WA State and CA state which was very suspicious.... especially since it was right after sending an email of dissatisfaction to Barbara Boxer and Feinstein.... For a couple years after that I didn't trust banks and I think I shouldn't!!! Also at times my driver's license was suspended and NOBODY TOLD ME!!!! I only learned because my car insurance company contacted me!!! My passport is revoked and in general I feel like a criminal and a slave and hopeless... I have got to get some fairness here!!

I also contacted my congressman, who referred me to my senator who referred me to DCSS who said Tough Toenails... I begged my representatives for help and they did nothing...

How is our system so screwed up?? us non-custodial Dad's are not listened to and if we complain we are treated like Deadbeat Dads... I hate that name.. Because although there are some... there are many like me literally SCREWED and called the same!!!!!

I have recently called the WA mother's number which I thought was no longer working and got the step-father and he simply said that WA mother didn't want to talk to me at all.. I said I have rights as a father and she has illegally denied me them for the past 7 years... I think I'm going to have to go to court... I sent them one more message through Facebook saying lets be civil and adults and avoid court... we will see... CA mom still has not replied and I have to call again...

[Patriot911]

It looks like a LOT of people read these posts but very few get replies... disappointing..

[Waylon]

It looks like a LOT of people read these posts but very few get replies... disappointing..

You didn't ask any questions or ask for help, so I'm guessing people aren't sure exactly what you want.