I want to know how i can have full custody of my son.

[arkansasdad]

We have been married for only 6 months but have a 19 monh old little boy together.  She has been going out every weekend and sometimes during the week, not coming home until 5 am and even 10 or 12 the next day. She acts like is not a big deal and that she does not want to set at home on the weekends and do nothing like i do and that she has a life.  I told her that i have a life too and he is our son and i want to spend as much time with him as i can. I came from a divorced family and my mother had full custody of me and i missed my dad so much.  She had just now got a job but does not make that much, also i bought her a car so she could drive to work.  She has no respect for anybody and says that she is a good mother, but her parents and sisters are not even talking to her and are all on my side.  She has a drinking problem and i am worried that if she goes out on the weekends and she drinks and drives then has a wreck they can come after me b/c my name is on the title.  Should i take the car away from her or can she use that against and say i took it away so she could not come see our son.  I have done everything for her that i can and other friends have said that they have seen her at the bars with other guys, and when i call her cell she hangs up on me and says that her phone went dead every weekend,how convienent is that?  please help me....

[luckystepmother]

Sounds like you are in a very difficult situation with your wife. From what you have described it seems that my husband's ex-wife and your current wife are kindred spirits-unfortunately...My husband and I are at the very beginning of the custody battle to gain primary custody of his two boys. My suggestion is that you act as soon as possible to correct this situation. My husband is the most wonderful man on the face of the planet but he has waited too long to start this process. My stepson's are 6 and 10 and have been brainwashed by their mother into believing that she is a saint, a victim and that my husband and I are uncaring "meanies". We are "mean" b/c we have rules and stability in this house-something that is completely lacking in their mother's house. She is not their mother, she is their "friend". If you wait too long this may happen to you and your son. It doesn't sound like your wife is ready for marriage and a family. That's not to say that she never will be. Perhaps you two could try counseling first? Are you even willing to continue this marriage at this point? Obviously, you care very much for the emotional and physical wellbeing of your child. My suggestion is to step up and do it soon before you and your child have to suffer a moment longer. If you are considering terminating your marriage and requesting sole custody of your son-hire a private investigator. If you do not have the financial means to do that perhaps a close friend could gather evidence against her-pictures, witnesses, etc...(consult with a lawyer to make sure this would be admissable in the courts of your state). This may be difficult for you b/c you still love her or did at one point anyway, but whatever dicision you make, make sure it is the right one and that you are completely committed to it.

Good luck! I have just joined this site recently and I have experienced a great deal of support and advice from others going through this stuff. Perhaps, you will recieve the same....

[Kitty C.]

Check your DUI laws very carefully, but I don't think just because the vehicle is registered or titled to you makes you liable.  Just make damn sure that there is insurance on it.

I've dealt with alcoholism on many different levels with different people.  I even had suspicions that DS's dad drove drunk with him when he was an infant, tho I could never prove it.

You have to be pro-active with this, regardless of the consequences.  And I'm NOT talking about revenge or getting back at her.  If you suspect or know that she is at a bar and has been for quite some time, report her vehicle to the cops, so they can watch for her.  If you have ANY reason to believe, at ANY moment, that she is driving drunk with your son in the car, call 911.  This is what you should do for ANY person you suspect, not just those close to you.

I took a Citizen's Police Academy course 18 months ago and they taught us how to recognize possible drunk drivers.  Since then, if I see any erratic driving that is suspicious of DUI, I use my cell phone and call it in.  I am also an EMT-B and have seen my fair share of DUI accidents, of which we can make good money off of as an EMS unit, thru our state laws.  Our state also includes costs of any emergency equipment, vehilcles, and personnel in the fines and penalties for a DUI accident.  But too often, many innocent victims get hurt or die also.  I call in suspected vehicles to protect them.........

[Astro]

DOCUMENT everything--frankly, I doubt things are going to get better and you are inevitably going to end up in court.  I sincerely hope I am wrong.  You, as a male, are on the low end of the totem pole in the family court system.  Start documenting NOW--when she leaves, when she comes home, whether she's drunk, "she stated she was here but witnesses told me she was there" (you'll have to prove it), etc.  Be careful what you say to her family--they may be on your side now but when the reality of actual court hits their tunes may change.  

I'd love to tell you things will get better.  But in my experience I can't.  I was in a very similar situation.  I had documentation but not on everyday stuff.  I had 2 inches (literally) of paperwork on the 5 (!) rehabs my ex had been in since she was 15.  Didn't matter an iota.  She'd received a DUI one week after our preliminary hearing.  Didn't matter.  A crying woman on the stand is pretty heart-wrenching--just ask a judge (ok--a little sarcasm :) )  

Hedonism is often part of being an alcoholic.  She will say that she is a good mother and cares SO much.  But really right now she only cares for herself.  Your child will suffer for it in the long run.  If YOU are seeing no end to her behavior then you really should start documenting and building a case for you and your son....  Of course salvage the marriage if you can--but don't get caught with your pants down either.

[Peanutsdad]

If you feel there is no way to reconcile, and no way for your wife to get help, I'm afraid my advise is do not wait, do not hesitate. Document, document, document. Here are a few links to get you started.


Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm


One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm

[Brent]

Astro wrote: "DOCUMENT everything--frankly, I doubt things are going to get better and you are inevitably going to end up in court."

The part about ending up in court is probably correct. One of the first things you'll hear is "Document, document, document!", and I frequently recommend that for good record-keeping people get either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is free, but the OPTIMAL service is better.