what to do about a death threat

[JM]

I'm in a paternity/custody action against someone who told me a child was mine, then disappeared to another state a couple of months later. I was worried for the child at first but let my guard down as I thought things were going to smooth out and this would be a normal process.

Well, her boyfriend called me tonight, cussed me out for a while, then said "You don't wanna **** with me. I will shoot you in the face if you try to get custody of your daughter."

Unfortunately, I didn't get it recorded. Since I can't prove it, should I do anything about it?

I bet if I call him tomorrow I can get him to threaten me again. He's pretty irrational (probablky alcoholic and on drugs but I can't prove it). I didn't say anything to provoke the threat except that I wanted to be with my daughter.

[Jade]

>I'm in a paternity/custody action against someone who told me
>a child was mine, then disappeared to another state a couple
>of months later. I was worried for the child at first but let
>my guard down as I thought things were going to smooth out and
>this would be a normal process.
>
>Well, her boyfriend called me tonight, cussed me out for a
>while, then said "You don't wanna **** with me. I will shoot
>you in the face if you try to get custody of your daughter."
>
>Unfortunately, I didn't get it recorded. Since I can't prove
>it, should I do anything about it?
>
>I bet if I call him tomorrow I can get him to threaten me
>again. He's pretty irrational (probablky alcoholic and on
>drugs but I can't prove it). I didn't say anything to provoke
>the threat except that I wanted to be with my daughter.

Since it isn't recorded (and you need to check the laws in your state, it may not be admissable if you do record it), there isn't anything you can do about it.

I wouldn't call him.  He could then say that you are harassing him.  If he calls, just hang up on him.  Don't engage in a conversatin with him.  

[mistoffolees]

>I'm in a paternity/custody action against someone who told me
>a child was mine, then disappeared to another state a couple
>of months later. I was worried for the child at first but let
>my guard down as I thought things were going to smooth out and
>this would be a normal process.
>
>Well, her boyfriend called me tonight, cussed me out for a
>while, then said "You don't wanna **** with me. I will shoot
>you in the face if you try to get custody of your daughter."
>
>Unfortunately, I didn't get it recorded. Since I can't prove
>it, should I do anything about it?
>
>I bet if I call him tomorrow I can get him to threaten me
>again. He's pretty irrational (probablky alcoholic and on
>drugs but I can't prove it). I didn't say anything to provoke
>the threat except that I wanted to be with my daughter.

I would avoid him. There's no reason you need to talk to him, anyway.

What I WOULD do, is file for sole custody and ask for a custody evaluation. You can express your concerns to the custody evaluator. I'm not sure, but if your ex is living with her bf, then I think he'd have to submit to the custody evaluation, as well. Your first concern is your daughter - and if he's as bad as you say, then he won't be a good influence.

If you suspect drugs and alcohol abuse, you might also consider an anonymous tip to Child Protective Services, but there's a risk there.

[gemini3]

I would report it anyway.  I understand that you can't prove it, but you might need to have a record of it later if this becomes a regular occurance.  Just because you're reporting it doesn't mean you have to press charges at this time.  You do need a record of it though.  

After that, avoid him.  If he calls you, let your voicemail pick it up.  That way, if he threatens you on voicemail you have a recording of it, and it's admissable because he knows he's being recorded - no matter what state you're in.  Don't call him back - don't engage him in any way.  Just ignore him.  

[JM]

I called my lawyer and left a message about it but haven't heard back. I will report it if he thinks I should.

The only reason I considered talking to him again is that he actually wanted me to schedule the paternity test and wanted me to call him today with the location and time for the test. It seemed like a great opportunity to get another death threat, not to mention I want this test to be done ASAP, but you guys are obviously right. I'm sure I'll get another one sooner or later anyway, this guy has a reputation for making threats. I felt kind of neglected that it took so long for me to get one, and really stupid for not getting it recorded..

Anyway, the testing place said they'd only set up an appointment with the mother. I told them his rules were that no one can contact the mother, all contact has to go through him. They laughed and said to have my attorney tell him that they will only talk to the mother and they added that if he tries to interfere with her court ordered test, he will find himself in a lot of trouble.

I made sure to tell my lawyer not to mention the last part though. Gotta make sure he has enough rope to hang himself..

[JM]

>What I WOULD do, is file for sole custody and ask for a
>custody evaluation. You can express your concerns to the
>custody evaluator. I'm not sure, but if your ex is living with
>her bf, then I think he'd have to submit to the custody
>evaluation, as well. Your first concern is your daughter - and
>if he's as bad as you say, then he won't be a good influence.

Yes, I had let my guard down and assumed things weren't as bad as I had previously thought, but his call woke me up. No more mr nice guy. Once the paternity test is done, I think I have enough info ready for emergency custody. I just have to see what the lawyer thinks I can get with what I have.

I've have planned on evaluations for later, and have no doubt that the mother and boyfriend would fail miserably, but since they're 1000 miles away right now, any temporary custody order will get the child away from there, and that's most important right now. I want to get her out of there instead of having "there" go through a long evaluation.

[dipper]

Perhaps you could send her a certified letter citing his exact words and put that you will not tolerate this abuse from him as he does not have an interest in this, its between you and him.  

IF he calls, hang up....hopefully they will be stupid enough to write something.....

[JM]

Just an update. The mother called me and said she's coming back to my state in a couple of days to stay with her mother. She called me crying because she had no one else to talk to and we had a good long conversation. I won't go into it but she was upset that she had created this mess and had regretted it since day one, she seems to have grown up a lot recently. No, I'm not taking her back, but I can sleep at night now.