Do I really have to prove mom unfit 100%?

[JOE BLOW77]

In your experience did you find that you had to prove mother unfit 100% before you got full custody?  I hear that a lot and am aware of the gender bias in regards to child cutsody and if that is the case why is it that I must prove she is unfit?  Why does she not have to prove I am unfit in order for her to get full custody?  

[mistoffolees]

>In your experience did you find that you had to prove mother
>unfit 100% before you got full custody?  I hear that a lot and
>am aware of the gender bias in regards to child cutsody and if
>that is the case why is it that I must prove she is unfit?
>Why does she not have to prove I am unfit in order for her to
>get full custody?  

1. Lots of people claim gender bias without proof. But that doesn't mean that it really does occur all that often. While it does occur, it doesn't do you any good to assume that it will occur in your case.

2. You need to prove that the mother is unfit according to the rules of evidence in effect in your court system. No percentages involved.

3. The standards apply in both cases. If you have not yet received a judicial decision on custody, then you will both get a chance to present your side and the judge will decide where the kids belong. If you're already divorced, at the time of your divorce, you presumably agreed upon custody (or your judge assigned it). That created a status quo. Either party trying to change the status quo has to prove it. The standards are the same for everyone.

4. I think you need to stop focusing on proving who's fit or who's unfit. Frankly, it reeks of revenge. There's not one word in your post about what's best for the kids - which is actually the prevailing standard in most cases. The bottom line is that if you can prove that living with you is better for the kids (all things considered, including the impact of a change in custody), then you have a good chance of getting it. But if the kids are currently with their mother and doing well, it's hard to convince the judge that they'd better off with a change unless they're in imminent danger.

And please try to stick to one thread. I know that you've opened many threads, each one giving a piece of the information. That makes it hard for someone to follow and know any of the background. Frankly, I'm not interested in searching around for the details. If you stick to a single thread, anyone can follow it.

[dipper]

At age 2, your daughter may soon be going to preschool, but not kindergarten.  From your two posts that I have read, it appears there is already a custody order in place and that bm lives a far distance from you.

So...putting her in school will probably serve a benefit to bm....50/50 will not be possible as child will have to stay in one household for school purposes during the week.  Not saying that is why she is doing it as many parents start children that early....

If bm is court ordered to give you an address and you can prove that she has lied in court about the address, file a contempt.  You have a right to know where your child is living...

If bm is court ordered to allow phone time and is denying it, file a contempt.  If you havent already kept records, I would say try calling for a month...record each attempt (notes) and if no contact is made....file a contempt.  you will have to prove this, so you will need phone records showing your attempted calls.  Best interest of child does consider the parent who will nurture the relationship with the other parent....so, refusing calls would show she is blocking your relationship.

Now, if you do not have phone time ordered you would have to seek it in court before it could be a real issue.  Also, having child 50/50 depending on how often you try to call child may be an issue.  

Finances...unless she is getting kicked out of residence, not providing for child, etc. it wont matter.  If she is getting evicted, you should be able to find some court records regarding this.  I dont know if CA has an online system to check into this.  You would have to get the information subpeonad directly from the court to prove this.

I would look at the considerations for best interest of child and see how many of those you can prove to provide better.  Take or show up at appts for child...go to church.....keep her involved with family.....keep a routine for bedtimes, etc....You would need to show you are as capable and as much of a caretaker as mother.  

IF you share 50/50 is anyone designated as primary?  If not, perhaps you could look into preschools in your area.....see how they compare with those in bm's area.....after all, you have as much right to send child to a preschool as she does.  

[notnew]

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