What Do I Need To Do

[mom_of_2]

My ex and I have been divorced less than six months. He has already remarried. When we got the initial divorce we agreed on joint custody. We agreed on our holidays. our court orders aren't specific they just say we have to alternate. When I divorced my ex made me feel guilty, He made me feel so guilty I didnt try for alimony or anything. I was a stay at home mom and have no schooling.

When we divorced I was in college. Because I have no skills and cannot get a job making enough money to support myself I moved in with family while I finish school. My kids are living with him for the next year. We agreed when I finish school our kids could chose where they wanted to live. Since he got remarried things have changed dramatically.

He no longer speaks to me on the phone, only via email. except when he dropped the kids off with me for the summer, I asked if the kids were still able to chose where they wanted to live when I moved back home, the first thing he asked me was "Are you planning on taking me to court for child support?" I said no, because If I had said yes, what would have happened?

Today I emailed him about concerns about our kids. He kept replying with, thank you for notifying US, as in he and his new wife. Now Im afraid when I move back home he wont let my kids have a choice. If I take him to court to move my kids in with me Im afraid that the judge wont see that I was in school bettering my situation so I could afford to take care of my kids and just give him custody because they will have lived alone with him and his new family for a year.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can prepare myself to try and get my kids back? I dont actually want child support or anything. I just want my kids. Oh and both of my kids are teenagers.

[Waylon]

My ex and I have been divorced less than six months. He has already remarried. When we got the initial divorce we agreed on joint custody. We agreed on our holidays. our court orders aren't specific they just say we have to alternate.

You may want to get your parenting plan amended so the schedule is more specific, spelling out the holidays and other events. This could save you a lot of anguish and time in the future.

Because I have no skills and cannot get a job making enough money to support myself I moved in with family while I finish school.

To be honest, this may make it harder to change the custody arrangement. The court will want to see that you're capable of supporting yourself and the children to at least some degree.

My kids are living with him for the next year. We agreed when I finish school our kids could chose where they wanted to live. Since he got remarried things have changed dramatically.

It's likely that after a year, a judge may be reluctant to change the custody arrangement because the children will have been in what's called an "established custodial environment" (ECE). Often judges don't like to alter the ECE without good cause to avoid disruptions in the children's lives.   

I dont actually want child support or anything. I just want my kids. Oh and both of my kids are teenagers.

Whether you want it or not, the court will often impose or award it for the sake of the children; the parent's wishes are often ignored in favor of the children's perceived need for support.

How old are the children? That makes a difference in terms of what options you have for altering custody.

[ocean]

What Waylon said and...

How old are the teenagers and do they want to live with you?
What exactly does your custody order state about custody/visitation- Does it say kids get to choose after a year?

Like Waylon said, you would have to talk to kids and file NOW and even that may not do it if ex fights it as courts take months to deal with custody if parents don't agree. Once school starts it really will be hard to change them as judges dont like to switch schools midyear. When you move back, is it possible to live in same school district and maybe do a 50/50 custody if the teens kids want? One week him, one week you or people have made other schedules that work to almost 50/50.

Take your divorce papers to a local lawyer and get a free consultation. Some bigger cities it may cost $100 for the consultation but worth seeing what a lawyer says and ask them in reality world could them see a judge allowing you to keep custody after summer visit so kids start school off right away.

Are you paying child support? Leave it out of discussions and just say not at this time if asked. If you need the money to help raise them, AFTER they are with you ,you can file for child support.

Also , you can send ex an email:
After talking to the kids, they would like to live with me for the next school year. As discussed during the divorce (or quote the divorce papers if it is in there) we were going to allow the kids to decide if they wanted to live with me after I graduated college. I would like the kids to have us both in their lives as much as possible, so I am sending you the link to the local school district calendar to make a new parenting plan for next year. Also, I know xx and you are now married and xx will be a parental figure in the kids lives, this decision is for us to make as we are the biological parents and made this decision during our divorce. (you can leave out last sentence and use it at another time).

Good luck!

[mom_of_2]

Our custody agreement is vague, We have joint custody with my ex having primary residence. When we got the divorce the judge asked us what our plan was. We told him that the kids would stay with him and when I was out of school the boys can chose. But he didn't put any of that on paper. I live in Texas, They give you the option for child support. I believe in Texas unless there is a major change Child support for three years. My kids are 12 and 15. I know the court will ask them there preference But it isnt the final word. My kids want to live with me. There dad apparently has been making them feel unloved over his new family. He never spends time with them, never has honestly, My kids dont feel wanted. If I could take them I would, But I cant afford it and my sister has no room. If I had stayed home I could maybe have afforded a small apartment for just me. I didn't work, wasn't allowed to have things in my name, so when I left I couldn't even take my car. Again my ex guilted me into not going for alimony or fighting for my things. He super rushed the divorce.  I plan to move back to the same neighborhood so my kids will attend the same school, and can be neer friends. Ill only be a few miles from there dads. Is there any hope of me stating my case and getting my kids if thats what they want?

[ocean]

The kids are still young but they can testify or have a law guardian assigned in a full trial. Will ex agree to make the change or do a 50/50 plan without court? If you both agree to a schedule then a lawyer can write it up and file it with courts without a trial. Remember that when you have kids full time, you wont be spending 100% time with them either, always looks nicer when it is "vacation" time with mom. The kids need to know that they will have chores, do homework, and regular days when you move back. The courts will definitely give you some sort of parenting plan when you get back and if you are same school district you can make it work around both work schedules. If you live that close then dad will get every other weekend and day during the week at the very least (opposite for you if it came down to that). Better to try to make it work with dad and also not talk bad about new step mom, They are just becoming a "family" and learning how to deal with the new dynamics. One day you may be in that position and it is better that more people love the kids than war between the adults in their life. Sounds like maybe a 50/50 would work better? No child support, each would have half time for feeding them/expenses. Offer that to dad, and see what reaction you get and say if we can agree then no real money to lawyers and court.

[mom_of_2]

I think that sounds good, I do expect the kids to spend time with there dad, I just know that Im more focused on the kids than he is, I care more about school work and functions. Ive always attended everything and my ex never has. He just isnt into all of that stuff where as I am. I enjoy crafts and holidays, I like doing things with the kids Him not so much. I never ever talk bad about there new step mom or there dad. I know that is a number one no no. I only tell my kids to give her a chance, they really dont know her. ( my 15 yo hates her and wont explain why) I tell him Im ok, its ok. It doesn't make me sad if thats what he is afraid of, but he is still just so mad. I think its because as little time as he spent with the kids and all the time he is giving her and her daughter, it hurts. I contacted him about it and only got a thanks for letting us know.  If my kids decide in the end to stay at dads house I will agree to that because I truly only want my kids happy. I just dont put it past my ex to try and hurt me this way. Also I doubt he would get a lawyer. He is terrible with money and all though he makes a good salary he blows his money as soon as he gets it. He has no savings, We didnt own our house and he has amazingly high car payments. He has a bad habit of blowing money on his toys. I doubt he would give that up to save for a lawyer.

[ocean]

Once you get a plan you will file "modification of custody and visitation" in family court near him. A lawyer can do this for you or you can file yourself (usually free or small filing fee). "mother and father request to change parenting to plan to xyz" or if he doesn't agree "mother requests to change parenting plan due to her recent move back to xx after a year finishing up college in xx. Parents agreed verbally in court last year that the parenting plan and residential custody would be revisited when mother returned home from college. Mother is requesting xyz"

Good luck and post questions as they come up!

[mom_of_2]

Thank you, this has been incredibly helpful. I think he would go for that more than anything thing else, I know he doesnt want to spend the money on lawyers, and when Im out of school ill have more money in savings than him due to all the loans I'm taking out. Im taking out a loan in the summer to use to move home. Ill be paying back student loans for a while but I have to get my life started. Again thank you so much for all the help. If I have any more questions I will post them here!